93TheHitStick Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 We have been dating for 10 months. She has a guy best friend. When i first met him i didn't think anything of it since i could tell he was gay. But now im starting to think that she has feelings for him. She never talks to me... about anything. Me and her can never hold a good conversation cuz she wont pay attention to me. She always wants to be on her phone or doing something on facebook. The only time she pays attention is when we argue. But when hes around she hangs on his every word. They never shutup. Even during the movies she keeps turning to him and talking. She has never talked to me during a movie. And its just obvious she has more fun with him then me. It shows everytime we are together. She follows him around and acts like i dont exist. At first i thought it was because she saw him less. But they have every class together this year. They hangout like everyday but she still likes him motre. I called her on it yestrrday. She started crying her eyes out. Saying she loves me. And im her one and only. And begging me not to break it off. But i honestly feel like shes only with me because im goodlooking. Im like her trophy boyfriend that she can show off. But in reality she wants her bestfriend. It hurts cuz i actually love her. And it seems like every girl ive ever had has gone out with me for looks. If it matters i did take her virginity. And when her bestfriend tries to make her choose between me and him she always chooses me. But i feel like the only reason she even chooses me is because im always there for her. And he constantly ditches her for other peoplle. Or he'll just stop talking to her. What should i do?
Author 93TheHitStick Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Some opinions would be appreciated
Mrlonelyone Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I know just how you feel. You can get sex when you want it, but what you really hunger for is intimacy. Someone interested in how you are feeling and what you are thinking, not just in getting sex from you. I'll bet that somewhere this guy is writing about how much he would like to be with your GF in that way, but she only picks men she cannot hold a conversation with for that. It's possible that you, her , and her friend all suffer from some form of http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-doc/200911/fear-real-intimacy Your GF fears real intimacy with a SO. It's kind of depressing to see what the psych literature says about why people choose who they choose. Way too often it's just people with complimentary neuroses or psychoses.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 She just not that in to you.. is what i read But she's having sex with him? Isn't she?
KraftDinner Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 She just not that in to you.. is what i read This is dead-on. Sorry.
todreaminblue Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I know just how you feel. You can get sex when you want it, but what you really hunger for is intimacy. Someone interested in how you are feeling and what you are thinking, not just in getting sex from you. I'll bet that somewhere this guy is writing about how much he would like to be with your GF in that way, but she only picks men she cannot hold a conversation with for that. It's possible that you, her , and her friend all suffer from some form of http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-doc/200911/fear-real-intimacy Your GF fears real intimacy with a SO. It's kind of depressing to see what the psych literature says about why people choose who they choose. Way too often it's just people with complimentary neuroses or psychoses. i have intimacy issues.....mainly about being overwhelmed in a relationship....my father was always pretty controlling and my mother disappeared into the relationship so they aren't together now still married but permanently separated........i fought long and hard to try to get them back together i didn't succeed and i don't think i was meant to ....i have avoided good guys most of my life......the ones who i have dated i let them go....because i know i have issues.....i am actually trying to deal with these issues myself......stops me from dating anyone....before i would have just gone for physical affection and i am tempted to again.....have that closeness to a male.....but it starts the cycle again and am trying to break that cycle.....i have feelings for a good guy and it scares the crap out of me honestly......would rather know for sure what is in store for me....if its sex it is sex.....the intimacy part for me is a pipe dream.i dont want to hurt anyone or get hurt in the process......so i am rather confused at the moment planning on hiding out if it gets much worse..the last thing i want to really do is repeat a cycle in my life like groundhog day.......deb
Author 93TheHitStick Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 She just not that in to you.. is what i read And i cant help but feel the same way. But what drives me crazy is the fact that she wont let me go. If i break up with her she will cry.her eyes out. She will beg me to take me back. Tell me she will do anything to get me back. If i ignore her she will have her friends calling me. And i have actual feelings for her. It hurts me to see her crying like that because it very rarely happens. I can tell she s hurt. But i feel like she doesnt want me. It shows in our day to day interaction. I was thinking ill try to explain my thoughts to her as best as i can. Take a break for a week. Then see if anything has changed. If not ill break it off for good. Or should i just cut it off now?
todreaminblue Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 And i cant help but feel the same way. But what drives me crazy is the fact that she wont let me go. If i break up with her she will cry.her eyes out. She will beg me to take me back. Tell me she will do anything to get me back. If i ignore her she will have her friends calling me. And i have actual feelings for her. It hurts me to see her crying like that because it very rarely happens. I can tell she s hurt. But i feel like she doesnt want me. It shows in our day to day interaction. I was thinking ill try to explain my thoughts to her as best as i can. Take a break for a week. Then see if anything has changed. If not ill break it off for good. Or should i just cut it off now? take a break for a week see how it goes if you care about her still if you dont cut it off now.....thats my advice......if she is going to cry over you obviously she wants you how does it not show in your day to day actions?.....deb
Author 93TheHitStick Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 take a break for a week see how it goes if you care about her still if you dont cut it off now.....thats my advice......if she is going to cry over you obviously she wants you how does it not show in your day to day actions?.....deb I can't hold a conversation with her. Thats the nmber one problem. She never tries to talk to me unless we argue. And even when it comes to sex. When im pleasuring her she is super into it. Shaking and screaming. But after she has an orgasm she says it hurts too much to continue. Then she gets this attitude. Like she doesnt.care if i prgasm. And she cpmplains im taking too long. Or shell start talking about how shes hot pr she needs to shower
Mrlonelyone Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 So she doesn't care if you orgasm, she does not connect with you on an authentic emotional level, kick her to the curb. If you are half as good looking as you say some other woman will full fill your needs better than her.
phineas Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Dude. Really? Time to find a new GF. Seriously. 1
kookybunny Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 She never talks to me... about anything. Me and her can never hold a good conversation cuz she wont pay attention to me. She always wants to be on her phone or doing something on facebook. The only time she pays attention is when we argue. The "best friend" issue is ground for a break up on it's own. So is this. Why would you want to be with someone like this? I know- she created a competition dynamic between you and the friend and you are so focused on "winning" the "prize" (Her), you aren't realizing how ****ty "the prize" is for putting you in this situation in the first place! She is having an emotional affair. Google or learn more about it on loveshack. Interesting how the "friend" is getting mad at her on and off, probably has to do with you. Men and women CAN NOT be best "friends" past puberty, trust me, many will argue this to their dying breath but it's just not true. You are seeing evidence of it right in front of you. You need to break up with her and go "no contact". Google that as well. Her friends call you? Don't answer, leave it on silent. They'll give up eventually. Or, change your number. Do you really want a girlfriend who needs attention from other guys to survive in life and puts your feelings second? You need to have dumped and gone no contact on this girl YESTERDAY.
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