Danisaur4 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I have been seeing this wonderful man for only about a month or two. We get along really well and even though we havent known each other long it feels like we have. The only problem in our bliss is our exs. My ex and I dated for about two years and it ended 5 months ago. My ex isnt really a big problem. His ex however constantly calls and texts both of us. They dated for about a year and it ended about 3 months ago. She will constantly text him and tell him she loves him and wants him back, but she'll message me and try to tell me that he still loves her and that I'm a rebound and that he tells her he loves her, but he shows me their texts and he constantly tells her that he doesn't want to be with her anymore. However, if she calls he'll stay on the phone for an hour arguing with her. I know that they both need more closure, but its frustrating that he would rather argue with his ex than spend that time with me instead. Maybe I'm just worried that he still cares even though I'm there when they're on the phone and he is constantly telling her he is happy with me, but still if he gets a text from her he'll reply and even if it's arguing he'll chat. His friends even tell him that he shouldnt be paying any attention to her when he's got me. Should I give it more time? Should I talk to him about it? Our relationship is really new and I dont want to start a fuss over something that may be nothing.
River Rain Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 It's not nothing. If he continues to engage in arguments with his ex, that means he still has some kind of strong feeling for her. He still wants her in his life, even though it may be in a negative way. I'm saying that based on my last experience. He was with her for 12 years and they broke up (apparently) over a year ago (I later found out it was really only 5 months ago). They had a kid together, but he continually engaged in arguments with her. He kept telling me he was over her, blah blah blah...I was a rebound and I found out the hard way because I ignored the red flags. There's nothing wrong with talking to him about it and telling him it makes you feel uncomfortable. I think a lot of people are too worried about timing, like it's too early to be worried...if your gut is telling you to be worried, then always follow your gut. You may need to be prepared for the worst though, because he may still not be over her. Just my two cents based on my own experience.
Million.to.1 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 It is really hard for you to express your unhappiness with this situation without looking like you are making a fuss. it sounds like he does still care about her... but he clearly doesn't want to be with her. for starters.. i would block her number so that she cannot txt you. When she calls him, and they end up on the phone together... i would just excuse yourself, and leave. Removing yourself from the situation and him will make him see that he cannot keep juggling these 2 balls at the same time. When he see's that you don't want to participate in this, he will realise the impact that it's having on his new relationship and be forced to choose. This could go on for ages if you don't make it clear that you don't want a relationship with him AND his ex still constantly on the scene. You cannot ask him to stop contact with her. He needs to want to stop himself because it's one or the other. 1
gamman Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Leave this relationship. Establish your boundaries. Enforce your boundaries. Stick to your boundaries. Consider entering a new relationship with someone different. Implement your newly-learned boundaries into that relationship. Good luck.
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