borudman Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 (edited) My girlfriend of 9 months broke up with about three weeks ago and it's been devastating for me. We were like two peas in a pod for the whole time we were together, and she was honestly the most caring and patient girl I've ever dated. However, on our first date she mentioned that she used to do drugs. I would later learn that she was introduced to drugs very early in her life, at about 10 years old and had done drugs recently enough that she was living with a boyfriend, popping pills and drinking to self medicate. Though it felt like these were big red flags I decided to not judge her on her past and to see where this could go if we continued dating. I thought, 'Maybe I'm meeting her at the exact moment that she needs someone to love her and get her to the next step' She has a lot of abuse in her past, from her dad and others, mental and sexual and about the time when her older brother (who was like a father figure to her) left the country to be with his pregnant fiance my ex-girlfriend began to shrink away from me. Intimacy ground to a halt and she began to be more irritable and snipy with me. Then one day we were talking on the phone and she mentioned that the pain of her family problems was causing her to have cravings for drugs again. I asked her if she planned to start using again and she said no. I was alarmed but I told her to come over so I could comfort her. I took her out to coffee and did my best to care for her like a good boyfriend and make her feel like she wasn't alone. But as the weeks went by her inability to focus on any one hobby (writing, photography, singing, etc) as well as an inability to sit through an entire movie increased. It was a hot summer in LA and she blamed it all on the heat and how much she hates summer but it seemed like more than that. Constant sweating and headaches became the norm. Suddenly she didn't want to see me that much and we would spend entire weekends apart. A new group of friends popped into her life, ones she claimed were old friends from the hospital she works in. Eventually she broke up with me. She called me one night and said that although we're very compatible and don't argue much she lost the spark that made us a happy couple and that she wanted to look back at our relationship as a positive before things got bad due to her growing disinterest. I was heart broken, and still am, but it didn't occur to me until later that drugs may have played a role. I don't want drug use to be the case here and it breaks my heart when I think that I couldn't do anything to help her and keep her around no matter how much I tried to be a comfort. I need some sense of closure. Am I just paranoid, or were these all signs of her slipping back into drugs? Edited October 7, 2012 by borudman
MonsterMash Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Who cares? She's an ex. If she wants to go down that road, its no longer your problem. 1
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