Pained Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 My ex-boyfriend has been doing a of bizarre things in a weird attempt to show that my current relationship is bothering him. This has ranged from posting negative things anonymously (he doesn't understand how IP tracking works) to my journal to ignoring me completely thinking I'll call him to trying to be all lovey-dovey. Sometimes a relationship is OVER. Sometimes your ex WON'T WANT TO COME BACK. I have no interest in ever dating him again, regardless of how much space or time comes between us. I don't care if he finds someone else. To be honest, I WANT him to find someone else so that he can be happy. If you're trying to use NC to manipulate someone into coming back to you, and they aren't calling, please move on. You could think you were the most wonderful person in the world, and you could very well be, but that person may still not want to date you anymore. I think too many people are hanging their hopes on NC and not realizing that sometimes a relationship is over, and that's how it should be.
StartingAgain Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 You got it, Pained. Sometimes over is over and no contact means "see ya." No contact is not supposed to be used as a tool of manipulation. It's purpose is to geve one another some woom and peace so thaey can sort things out. What often happens after no contact is that the two can come together and discuss their issues. They may decide to give things another go, or the may decide that the reason that they were having problems is that they simply aren't compatible. In this latter case, NC give you composure for closure. My ex and I did NC. We still don't talk a lot, but at least it allowed us to go off in our corners and lick our wounds without continually tearing the scabs off again. I'm glad we can still relate as friends (it's still a bit strained), but I can assure you, I would not have her back now. I would have before the NC.
tanbark813 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 I think posting in your journal violates the fundamental rule of no contact.
doubledown Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Sometimes a relationship is OVER. Sometimes your ex WON'T WANT TO COME BACK. I have no interest in ever dating him again, regardless of how much space or time comes between us. I don't care if he finds someone else. To be honest, I WANT him to find someone else so that he can be happy. If you're trying to use NC to manipulate someone into coming back to you, and they aren't calling, please move on. You could think you were the most wonderful person in the world, and you could very well be, but that person may still not want to date you anymore. I think too many people are hanging their hopes on NC and not realizing that sometimes a relationship is over, and that's how it should be. So after 7months of N/C you're saying I should move on and I will never have that girl in my life again (at least not in a R/L), and I meant nothing to her? Gee, that hurts. Thanks alot for the grim outlook.
Author Pained Posted July 27, 2004 Author Posted July 27, 2004 If I could predict the future I wouldn't be working at the job I am now. Grim outlook? You may not be with HER again, but you may find someone even better. I'm sorry if it hurts, but what I say is true. If she's not contacting you or has moved on, then you should too. I'm not saying you meant nothing to her, but you may not be right for her, and vice versa.
mintjulep Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 You may not be with HER again, but you may find someone even better.Which is impossible to do if you're pining over someone else! If she's not contacting you or has moved on, then you should too.Exactly. No contact doesn't seem to work as well for my friends as finding someone else. The second they're happily in another relationship, the ex comes crawling back. You need to live your life for you. People don't seem to subscribe to the theory that if you let something go it will come back to you, anymore. They want what they want, selfishly and immediately, without regard for the other person. Some would say that this is true love. I say it's a waste of time. No one can say that two people are never going to be together except those people (or one of them, anyway!) I'd only be willing to sacrifice that much of my life for someone if they were reciprocating. If not, then I'd move on. What do you have to lose, doubledown? If you move on and find someone new, you'll be happy. If you move on and your ex comes back, you'll be happy (one way or the other). The only way you won't be happy is if you continue down this [evidently] self-destructive road...
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