blue_jay_bird Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I still wake up everyday thinking REALLY, you still haven't contacted me. The BU happened 4 months ago. I broke NC once, and we talked. But i guess, 4 months, is nothing, and it feels like forever. I completely shocked i thought he would be crawling back, saying lets try to work things out. Then i just think he either has someone, or it will take more time. How do you get rid of this, he will be back thoughts... and what's the longest a Ex has not contacted you?
JustALittleBit Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I imagine you are asking this to figure out when he might contact you. So first thing I will say is that you should probably figure out why you have such a strong desire for him to contact you - is it ego? Needing to know that you mattered? Genuinely wanting to be with him (thinking that no one will love you as much, no one will be as 'perfect' etc.?). I think that is the first place to start looking to get rid of those thoughts, figure out why you want him to contact you so much in the first place and work on healing that area of you. I also wake up with those thoughts, although mine has not been long. But at the same time after the initial 'ok still nothing...' I feel grateful that I don't have to be set back by any contact from him. Because any contact really does put you through all the motions again. I don't know why he's not contacting you, but I do understand the expectation. And to answer your question... can't quite remember, but it was several months.
Calico Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 NC is not about getting your ex back. If you make it about that, you'll still sit there and feel miserable in a year. You start by accepting that it's over. You're not doing this, and probably don't even want to. You ask how to get rid of the thoughts and right in the next sentence you wonder what's the longest an ex hasn't made contact -- that's "not letting go" right there. Refer to your previous threads and the answers. People have gone over this with you a few times. The answers are still the same: It's work and you have to do it. Time patches you up, but if you want to really get better at any acceptable pace, you need to make the effort ... and that starts with the decision that you want to move on. 1
TopCat22 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I feel for you. I'm in that horrible stage where I know it's over, but I'm not totally ready to move on. I did NC for a month, reached out and got nothing. Now I'm really missing her and if nothing else I want to hear from her just to know that I mattered, as it feels like everything we had had just been swept totally away. Will it help? No, but it's what your heart craves. It's about finding a state of grace and finding a place where you're not counting the number of days you've been in NC.
Author blue_jay_bird Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) NC is not about getting your ex back. If you make it about that, you'll still sit there and feel miserable in a year. You start by accepting that it's over. You're not doing this, and probably don't even want to. You ask how to get rid of the thoughts and right in the next sentence you wonder what's the longest an ex hasn't made contact -- that's "not letting go" right there. Refer to your previous threads and the answers. People have gone over this with you a few times. The answers are still the same: It's work and you have to do it. Time patches you up, but if you want to really get better at any acceptable pace, you need to make the effort ... and that starts with the decision that you want to move on. Yes, people have gone over this with me before, but im hard headed. And please if ask again a month, can you please HIT ME again. Yep, i don't want to move on. I feel like we had a great thing, and he's a idiot to toss it all away. That in time he will see this and come back. Idiot in love. Edited October 8, 2012 by blue_jay_bird
Just smile Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I still wake up everyday thinking REALLY, you still haven't contacted me. The BU happened 4 months ago. I broke NC once, and we talked. But i guess, 4 months, is nothing, and it feels like forever. I completely shocked i thought he would be crawling back, saying lets try to work things out. Then i just think he either has someone, or it will take more time. How do you get rid of this, he will be back thoughts... and what's the longest a Ex has not contacted you? The longest my exhole hasn't contacted me was two weeks, but this time was four days. He ALWAYS being the one to break up with me. ALways comes back. Always. But it is me who needs to wake up and realize I'm easy, and I should never take him back.it helps me to know he WILL suffer. And this time I promise to not break and I hope he does suffer, when his ridiculous dysfunction fog clears and it always does until he relapes, he always calls ....
flitzanu Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 How do you get rid of this, he will be back thoughts... and what's the longest a Ex has not contacted you? it will be two years next month. you get rid of that "they'll be back" thought by accepting the fact that they aren't going to be back. 1
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