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Is it normal to shut down and need time away from someone when you are angry?


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Posted

Recently me and my boyfriend of 7 years got into a disagreement. He cheated on me for a second time and I found stuff at his apartment of hers that just made me so hurt and depressed. I was even more hurt because we discussed this before and I was so understanding with him when he cheated the first time so i had no patience the second time.

 

Anyways I yelled, slept on the couch and basically shut down. I was open to talking but only basic communication and only via text. I was so disgusted that while he was at the gym I just left and went home. I just could not be there anymore and had to leave.

He got very upset and said it was inconsiderate of me to leave without saying goodbye. Anyways for about a week I was not interested in seeing him and talk was sparse. He took this as me moving on and breaking up with him. Fine I don't care because he is a loser, cheater and liar. But I want to do better in my future relations with my future boyfriends.

 

The question is how can I avoid shutting down in situation as such? I don't want to hurt people around me or use emotional abuse tacts. Thing is I really did this to protect myself and get balance but he is making me feel guilty for leaving and not wanting to see him.

 

So is it normal to shut down and need time away from someone when you are angry? Should someone who obviously hurt me be so inconsiderate or should he have been more understanding?

 

Have any of your significant others went into hiding for a few days after an argument or did not want to see you? did that make you feel that they loved you less or how did you feel?

Posted

"Time away"...?

Why haven't you dumped his sorry sad ass....?!

 

WHY ARE YOU EVEN STILL GIVING HIM THE TIME OF DAY - ?!!?

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Posted

 

The question is how can I avoid shutting down in situation as such?

 

You should not avoid it. Such situations absolutely do warrant a permanent shutdown towards the person.

 

Now, if you have the same reaction when your next bf leaves his smelly socks in your living room, then we need to have a talk..

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Posted
Recently me and my boyfriend of 7 years got into a disagreement. He cheated on me for a second time and I found stuff at his apartment of hers that just made me so hurt and depressed. I was even more hurt because we discussed this before and I was so understanding with him when he cheated the first time so i had no patience the second time.

 

Why were you understanding the first time HE cheated? That is just a red carpet for him to cheat again

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Posted

my immediate reaction to the situation was to leave and be alone but he felt this was rude. He basically eventually turned the table and made our break up seem like it was my fault bc of how I reacted when I was angry. He said it hurt him. I am no longer with him it has been 3 mths since we talked but I am just trying to work on my reaction to arguing instead of running away express how I am discontent instead of just shutting down.

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Posted
Why were you understanding the first time HE cheated? That is just a red carpet for him to cheat again

 

We live we learn but ultimately I was "understanding" bc we had been together so long and I felt we could overcome it. I guess understanding makes it seem like I let him walk over me but no we ultimately broke up and later he weaseled his way back in.

Posted
my immediate reaction to the situation was to leave and be alone but he felt this was rude. He basically eventually turned the table and made our break up seem like it was my fault bc of how I reacted when I was angry. He said it hurt him. I am no longer with him it has been 3 mths since we talked but I am just trying to work on my reaction to arguing instead of running away express how I am discontent instead of just shutting down.

 

He is making it about him despite cheating on you twice!! Run!!!

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Posted
We live we learn but ultimately I was "understanding" bc we had been together so long and I felt we could overcome it. I guess understanding makes it seem like I let him walk over me but no we ultimately broke up and later he weaseled his way back in.

 

No, he didn't.

Take responsibility.

You let him back in.

 

Never, ever trust a cheater, unless they FIRST bend over backwards, to prove to you, in whatever way it takes - that you are, and will be, from this moment on, their one and only.

Trust is the worst process to ever try to repair. The fact is, once it's broken, it's irreparable.

Don't tell me that when you let him 'weasel' his way back in, you had absolutely no doubts whatsoever, no way - that he might do it again?

 

go absolute, total, complete No Contact.

The link in my signature tells you how.

Block, delete, deny, ignore.

 

The guy thought nothing of cheating on you - and they only show remorse when you find out - because they ge found out.

 

Not because they're truly sorry.

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Posted
No, he didn't.

Take responsibility.

You let him back in.

 

Never, ever trust a cheater, unless they FIRST bend over backwards, to prove to you, in whatever way it takes - that you are, and will be, from this moment on, their one and only.

Trust is the worst process to ever try to repair. The fact is, once it's broken, it's irreparable.

Don't tell me that when you let him 'weasel' his way back in, you had absolutely no doubts whatsoever, no way - that he might do it again?

 

go absolute, total, complete No Contact.

The link in my signature tells you how.

Block, delete, deny, ignore.

 

The guy thought nothing of cheating on you - and they only show remorse when you find out - because they ge found out.

 

Not because they're truly sorry.

 

Good Points and Great Advice. No I am not saying I have no responsibility in the situation yes I let him back in. I think overall I am not giving him any blame here I am trying to do better in handling things myself. I know what he did but how i react to things matter most to me.

Posted

Blame and responsibility are two different factors.

 

While both partners are 100% responsible for their halves of the relationship - to work on them together, to make the whole - generally speaking, one parter is to blame for permitting the catalyst to occur.

 

I would guess he is to blame for cheating on you - twice.

You are responsible for enabling that to continue, because you perhaps gave him Carte-Blanche to tread over your boundaries....

 

And he clearly omitted to accept responsibility for not being open with you, and for not admitting to you that somehow, what was happening in your relationship was inadequate for him.

Maybe roaming is in his blood. Maybe he can't be a one-woman man.

But now you know that - about him, and about yourself - make sure YOU know what your boundaries are - and move on.

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