yuppup Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Finally got the news...I almost puked, it's been so hard to deal with. My ex has a new gf. I assume she's the reason my ex gf kept ditching me for the last 2 months of our relationship. Almost exactly a month after we broke up, they made it official. She also emailed me copies of old convos the day after they started their relationship... As far as I thought I had come, I'm a mess now. Any advice? I feel like I wont be able to pull myself out of this one. I feel stupid for believing all of these women were just old classmates. God knows what else she's done behind my back throughout the relationship.
TaraMaiden Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Why had you not implemented No Contact? Why didn't you block, delete, ignore....?
Exit Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 All you can do is accept it and do your best to move on. Kinda like getting hit by a car, you wouldn't lay there and wonder what to do next, you go get patched up and then go about the difficult task of trying to heal. Or you could lay there and die, but that doesn't sound fun. Also, don't "feel stupid" for believing her and trusting someone you cared about. Don't blame yourself for someone else being a jerk.
Calico Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I know this feels like the end of the world for you right now, but it's really the beginning of your future. Write this on a note and stick it to the fridge and the computer screen. It's good that this happened because *now* you can move on, really move on. You want to, right? RIGHT? You know she won't come back (and you don't want her back!), you know there has been another girl in the picture, and you learned that actions speak louder than words (the way she treated you should have made the question about the "classmates" irrelevant). You're better off without her, even without the cheating and the new relationship. Don't play it down by convincing yourself that "it's just a rebound". Dumpers are far less likely to actually rebound, because they had all this time to detach before the breakup. Dumpers don't feel as helpless and powerless. They have always been in control of the situation. And you need to leave this whole mess behind you and look forward. She's no loss.
Author yuppup Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Thanks. Yes, I'm better off. I know it. I just don't know how to heal from this. Someone who was so needy of me...I never thought she'd do something like this. Her new lady is a girl I was skeptical of a few months ago. But instead of picking it apart, I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt because I was hoping we'd be turning over a new leaf. We had many issues with her jealousy in the past. So bad that I started becoming paranoid and jealous. But the one time I should have been listening to my intuition, I ignored it. I feel stupid. Like my efforts to grow in a relationship have totally backfired. I would never take this woman back. Ever. She's dead to me. Someone so cowardly doesn't deserve space in my life. I like to maintain friendship with my exes as long as the problems weren't severe, but I'll never consider friendship with her. I feel like I'm mourning the death of someone I used to know. She's merely a ghost of the woman I once loved.
TaraMaiden Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 NOW - implement every possible measure to avoid ever having to hear from/about her, again.
Author yuppup Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Oh, I am. I'm actually gonna go to the extent of switching over my online accounts to a new email and just close my gmail one since I can't exactly block emails on there. Yeah, I can filter them. But I get tempted to check the trash once in awhile to see if she's emailed me. I'm also getting my numbers changed, and I've deleted all of her friends from facebook since she likes to use their accounts to snoop. I'm so angry that she gets to be happy. She royally screwed up my emotions, and then just jumps right into happiness.
CopingGal Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) She also emailed me copies of old convos the day after they started their relationship... Yuck! This woman sounds disgusting. Cut her off now! I dumped my ex because he began to act like I meant nothing to him. He played all kinds of games with me. Finally he confessed to cheating on me. He would send me texts and letters about him and the woman he cheated with and would not leave me alone. I completely cut him out of my life. I read a lot of self-help books which helped a lot. The four things that helped the most was that I cried alot,journaled,read self-help books, andtalked to a therapist.I know what you mean by "jumping right into happiness." My ex would actually harass me...harass me with info about his new gf. He would compare her to me, and imply she was sooo much better than me. It was really, really awful. After threatening to contact the police 4 different times he finally left me alone...used up and severely damaged and then went on facebook bragging about how he wouldn't change a thing. No remorse, nothing but pain and anguish dumped on me. The woman he cheated with was an A #1 slut and treated him like crap and cheated on him. I could never in one million years see myself treating someone the way he treated me. I'm proud that I have a large, open heart. Be proud of who you are. Don't let this stop you from trusting again but be more careful and don't ignore red flags next time. Your ex is a buffoon. Accept that she is. Good luck. Edited October 8, 2012 by CopingGal 1
Author yuppup Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Thank you. Last night I got a ton of drunk emails from her, saying it was all a lie about the other girl and how she misses me. But it was something she didn't want me to find out about, so I doubt it's a lie. Even if it were a lie, you don't manipulate someone you care about like that. And you don't abandon someone you love for this long. She made the choice to leave me so she'll have to deal with it when/if she realizes it. I'm moving forward. If the stalking starts again I won't hesitate in getting a restraining order. I just gotta rebuild my shattered self-esteem after this mess. I got a lot of work to do. I've been ignoring my sadness for a bit since I found out about the other chick because I don't wanna let myself be sad about it, but I need to just let it out.
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