Emissary Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Ok so there's a girl I worked with until very recently. We had become more and more friendly with each other until we got to the verge of what I believe was starting to lead into a romantic interest in each other. Sadly she was transferred to another store just before I could really act on anything. We hadn't exchanged numbers yet or anything like that, so it became difficult to try and bridge that gap and just make a go for it. Another co-worker I'm friends with knows her a bit outside of work happened to know I like her. She had this idea that we could all go see a movie together or something to give me a chance to break the ice a bit more. Anyway, I got a text about an hour ago from the other co-worker asking if I'm busy on Wednesday night. I suspected what it was about, and sure enough, the three of us (and maybe the other co-worker's boyfriend)are going for coffee together. The thing is, she said I might have to take my time with this one. I prodded about what she meant exactly. Basically she said the girl I like knows I like her, but is unsure if she likes me the same way and not just as friends. She advised that doing coffee is a better chance for us to talk, and that it might lead to something more later. She knows how I feel about her, and she agreed to this meeting knowing full well what's going on behind the scenes. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do at the end of the night, I think we will have a good time together, but how should I proceed after that? I was originally thinking of just suggesting that we could spend some time together another time with just the two of us. But seeing as there really aren't any more secrets between us in this regard, I should perhaps be a little more cautious. It would seem in poor taste for me to treat this meeting as a lead in for a real date. I know it's all going to depend on how it goes on Wednesday, but maybe at the end I should just try to get her number at least, exchange Facebooks or whatever, establish some sort of non-work related contact so I don't need a third party anymore. I feel that since she knows what this is about, she would be on guard if I made an advance, that maybe I should just take it to the level she's comfortable with right now, and just start as friends. I'm a little conflicted though, because I'm playing more than one game at a time right now. I want this girl most, but there's another that is on the verge of happening, it's much much more certain than with the girl I worked with. My train of thought was to see where things go with her, and if I don't get her, try the other girl. But how long is it going to be before I know, and how long will the other girl remain interested in me? It's a difficult call to make.
CC12 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I'm a little conflicted though, because I'm playing more than one game at a time right now. I want this girl most, but there's another that is on the verge of happening Casually date them both and see what happens. When you say, "on the verge of happening," I'm assuming that you're still in the very first stages of getting to know the other girl, and not in any way exclusive or assumed to be exclusive, right? If that's correct, then yeah, keep going on dates with whoever. As far as Wednesday night coffee, I think you should definitely ask her for her contact info. Maybe try, "Tonight was a lot of fun, we should all do it again. Can I get your phone number or email or something so I can invite you guys out again?" Eh?
phineas Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Honestly I wouldn't do the 3rd wheel thing. It screams "not interested" & a little silly. It's just coffee. She can't drink coffee with a guy alone? I'd go out with the other one if you really like her and stop wasting my time with the one who needs a chaperon.
EasyHeart Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I agree with both of the previous posts! Double dates are brutal. It is one of your worst case scenarios for getting to know someone. But since it's already set, you've just got to make the best of it. Just treat it as you would meeting other friends for coffee. Be charming and interesting, but don't try to act like it's a "date" with the girl you're interested in. Think of it more as a screening interview or a mixer, where people are watching you (and judging you!) on whether you're worthy of spending more time with. At the end of the "date", try to get a little privacy with the girl you like. Walk next to her as you're leaving, or offer to walk her to her car. Hopefully, the other woman will be smart enough to back off and leave you two alone. Then follow the advice from the other poster and tell her you had fun and would like her number so you can ask her out. Good luck! 1
Author Emissary Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Honestly I wouldn't do the 3rd wheel thing. It screams "not interested" & a little silly. It's just coffee. She can't drink coffee with a guy alone? I'd go out with the other one if you really like her and stop wasting my time with the one who needs a chaperon. Hmmm, the third party is the one who took it upon herself to "invite" the two of us to this meeting. If the girl I'm interested in was the one who included her, I would probably be inclined to agree with you to an extent. Though, I do wish she consulted with me first before playing matchmaker, I was going to handle this by myself, one way or another.
SJC2008 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Is she shy? If she is she may like you and her "on the fence" line is so she could ask the other girl to go so she won't be on a 1 on 1 and feel awkward.
Author Emissary Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Well, it's not happening then I guess. At least, not tonight anyway. I just got a text saying she's visiting her hometown at the moment. I'm not 100% sure what happened, but I'm pretty glad it did. I really just wanted to handle this myself, when she gets back, I suppose I will, potential friend zone or not.
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