church9832 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I've gotten past trying to get her back and accepted that she's gone. But that certain part of loneliness that I felt before her, just keeps coming back no matter how busy I get. I need someone to hold, thats how I feel atm. Its been about a month since she dumped me and two weeks of NC. Its getting easier to forget but when the loneliness hits its like a ton of bricks.
ReadMyThread Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I've gotten past trying to get her back and accepted that she's gone. But that certain part of loneliness that I felt before her, just keeps coming back no matter how busy I get. I need someone to hold, thats how I feel atm. Its been about a month since she dumped me and two weeks of NC. Its getting easier to forget but when the loneliness hits its like a ton of bricks. You want someone to hold ah? Well perhaps just keep holding yourself up through this. I'm probably in the same amount of time broken up as you and I don't feel that lonely anymore. You know what helps. Thinking about how beautiful and trustworthy your next girlfriend will be .
Dessembrae Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I feel for you man, I know exactly how you feel. Before my ex I was lonely but had basically given up looking so when people say your only lonely because you're single again it's not always the case. All I can tell you is not too be in too much of a rush, the state you're in right now can cause more harm then good. I've met two girls in the 3 months since the break up and my over eargerness for that companionship and stability I once had pushed them away. Take your time and you'll find someone to fill that hole
foreverastone Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I can completely understand what you're saying. Sometimes you just someone to hug and hold. It's like a physical security blanket and it instantly lifts your mood. In that situation I would think back to when I wasn't in a relationship and not having someone to hug was ok. It's just finding your pre-relationship self which is hard. It is always there but you have to find it
suladas Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I feel the same way. Not even just the hugging and physical contact, the fun texting throughout the day, I REALLY miss that. I use to check my phone probably every 15 minutes hoping she would text me, i've finally gotten over that at least. I'm nearly at 3 months and I still feel that way, in some ways worse now then ever. The weird thing is, at work I use to be fine but now I feel lonely there even though i'm talking to and around people. I use to like to keep to myself a lot at home and was happy with that, now I find it to be quite lonely. I've been spending more time with friends and family then ever, but it's still not enough. But then again, i'm only working like 10 hours a week compared to normally 40-50, so i'm home alone a TON more then ever so maybe that's part of it. But besides for not working, my life is actually a bit better then before the BU but i'm not nearly as happy. I get by day to day, only because i'm hopeful it will get better soon. I get excited when I meet a girl and that loneliness is gone for a while, but so far all letdowns. The weird thing is, in the last month i've never had so many girls interested in me as in my whole life. But i'm still lonely. A friends GF's sister is looking for someone and she really liked me, so she wants my friend to do a double date. It felt so good that she liked me enough to want her sister to go out with me. It helps for a bit to get my mind thinking of the new girl, but so far none of them have went anywhere and after I seem to feel worse.
chrisusarmy2005 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I understand how you feel its not the best feeling in the world. It sucks. There are times when you just long for someone to hold and feel comfortable again. Because of what you once had is gone. I have also accepted the fact that shes long gone but strong feelings are there for the both of us. She comes to me and tells me how she feels and being the good guy that I am. Then there is me asking myself why do I feel lonely. It drives me nuts and it bothers me alot. Somehow we will get through this. It may take awhile but it passes. I personally just hate being single after being with someone for 4 yrs. It hurts and you can't help but think how it was.
Appleness Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Just a girl's perspective here but I think it would apply in your case too. One of the main reasons that I felt lonely was because I didn't feel needed and appreciated anymore. I had all this extra time that just got my thoughts spiraling out of control. If that's your case too, then I find volunteering helps A LOT! I had about a month of downtime in the summer before school started and I signed up for everything. Pet shelters, senior centers, soup kitchens, etc. I read, served, and talked to over a hundred people and it made me realize several things. 1) I have a lot of offer and it's horrible to just sit and waste my life away when I could help people who have no one and nothing else. 2) There are so many people worse off than me. The loneliness will fade and pass altogether until one day you look back and wonder when the last day was when you actually missed her. Your purpose in life prior to the breakup might have been to make her happy but now you have to carve a new path and yes, (not gonna lie) it's hard. I think guys have it hard when they get left because they usually don't have a good support system but you can post here... LS helped me get through my BU and have the strength to just walk away and not look back for anything. We all need to just find new meaning in our lives that don't involve that person that left us and we'll find it. Because we all deserve better, right? Hang in there and good luck
Author church9832 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Just wanted to share something. Just came back from a busy day at uni and filming for my assignment. Usually i would call my former girlfriend and literally she was the light that brought me home and I would sleep easy. Now I got nothing... Ughhh...
ItTakesSeconds Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Just wanted to share something. Just came back from a busy day at uni and filming for my assignment. Usually i would call my former girlfriend and literally she was the light that brought me home and I would sleep easy. Now I got nothing... Ughhh... I understand completely how you feel, mate. Although, I know my relationship ended for good reasons, and it's beyond repair, I still miss all those little things. As each day goes by, I find myself missing the texts, the late night calls, the, albeit rare, Skype chats . Funny thing is, when I was with her, these things never seemed like they were enough (we were long distance), but now... I'd give anything to have it again. I think, as time goes on, it becomes more about longing for that affection, that security, and less about wanting that person back in your life. It's been ten months since we parted ways, and I still find myself remembering the little things like the above. I think, soon enough, these memories will become happy ones, instead of the poison they are now. Even though I don't yet find solace in this advice, I am told that soon enough you'll meet someone else, and it will be better, everything you could wish for. It might take time, but it will happen soon enough. In the grand scheme of things, you'd have to be pretty unlucky for it not to. Fate is on our side, my friend! We can do it!
River Rain Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 This may sound simple, but it works for me. I just hug myself. When I go to sleep, I wrap a blanket really tight around me and wrap my arms around my shoulders. It gives me a little comfort, but nothing beats the real thing for sure.
stemac Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 This may sound simple, but it works for me. I just hug myself. When I go to sleep, I wrap a blanket really tight around me and wrap my arms around my shoulders. It gives me a little comfort, but nothing beats the real thing for sure. River i will give you a hug tonight if you give me a hug too :-) I will hug you at 11pm UK time lol ok :-) 2
River Rain Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 River i will give you a hug tonight if you give me a hug too :-) I will hug you at 11pm UK time lol ok :-) 6pm my time here in Montreal, Quebec. It's a hug date!
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) I think it's natural for most. Myself, I am comfortable in my own solitude for the most part so I don't get lonely very often. However, I do miss having that confidant that I could look forward to seeing from time to time. We didn't text convo much except to make plans and we both live busy lives from work, but having her to hang out with every weekend was something that was really cool. No matter how busy we were we'd carve out time to spend with each other, which was great. Now I'm back to where I was before, which wasn't a bad place (better than being in the sad bastard place I was in for a while after the break), but now I know how good it can be with a good woman and I miss that aspect of it every so often. It's weird. Ignorance was bliss before because it had been a while since I felt emotionally attached to a woman. I was living life not caring about finding that for the most part (even though I told my friend once that I missed actually being interested in a woman for more than just physical attributes because life had gotten too routine -- be careful what you wish for ) until she appeared in my life completely unexpectedly. I'm basically back to where I was before, but the knowledge of how awesome it could be with a woman you really like makes it harder for me to completely jump right back into that old mentality. Edited October 9, 2012 by Simon Phoenix
LostOne1 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I think it's natural for most. Myself, I am comfortable in my own solitude for the most part so I don't get lonely very often. However, I do miss having that confidant that I could look forward to seeing from time to time. We didn't text convo much except to make plans and we both live busy lives from work, but having her to hang out with every weekend was something that was really cool. No matter how busy we were we'd carve out time to spend with each other, which was great. Now I'm back to where I was before, which wasn't a bad place (better than being in the sad bastard place I was in for a while after the break), but now I know how good it can be with a good woman and I miss that aspect of it every so often. It's weird. Ignorance was bliss before because it had been a while since I felt emotionally attached to a woman. I was living life not caring about finding that for the most part (even though I told my friend once that I missed actually being interested in a woman for more than just physical attributes because life had gotten too routine -- be careful what you wish for ) until she appeared in my life completely unexpectedly. I'm basically back to where I was before, but the knowledge of how awesome it could be with a woman you really like makes it harder for me to completely jump right back into that old mentality. I kinda know what you mean... My weekends are tough now and I am so used to seeing a movie with her, or going out to dinner and spending late nights with her. It was good, because from school and life I got SUPER stressed as did she... and it was such a stress reviler for both of us to meet and hang out. It felt as if the worst problem had vanished and you just feel happy. In some ways I kinda like the extra time I have now, but it's tough to be productive considering i used all this extra time on her. It was tough to talk online for 4 hours a day every day... It's just been tough jumping back to my old life after 3 years. Ironically she makes it seems like she's jumped back to her life so easily.. in fact she said she seemed miserable with me at times... Guess she gets what she wants now... the only thing is we won't have each other to get our stress out anymore
suladas Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I think it's natural for most. Myself, I am comfortable in my own solitude for the most part so I don't get lonely very often. However, I do miss having that confidant that I could look forward to seeing from time to time. We didn't text convo much except to make plans and we both live busy lives from work, but having her to hang out with every weekend was something that was really cool. No matter how busy we were we'd carve out time to spend with each other, which was great. Now I'm back to where I was before, which wasn't a bad place (better than being in the sad bastard place I was in for a while after the break), but now I know how good it can be with a good woman and I miss that aspect of it every so often. It's weird. Ignorance was bliss before because it had been a while since I felt emotionally attached to a woman. I was living life not caring about finding that for the most part (even though I told my friend once that I missed actually being interested in a woman for more than just physical attributes because life had gotten too routine -- be careful what you wish for ) until she appeared in my life completely unexpectedly. I'm basically back to where I was before, but the knowledge of how awesome it could be with a woman you really like makes it harder for me to completely jump right back into that old mentality. That's exactly how I was. There was a few times I got lonely and wanted someone a bit but for the most part I was happy and didn't really care, and the lonely all it took was going out with friends for the night and I was good. Then the relationship started, I didn't even really realize it and wasn't looking for it. Now i'm back to what I was doing before and it's just not the same. It changed me a lot, and I can't seem to go back. I use to really enjoy my alone time and a ton of it. Even when I did a lot of things i'd prefer to do it alone. Then going to doing it with her, now I don't like doing it alone. Now a lot of nights when i'm watching tv i'm wondering what she's doing. It seems worse being neighbors knowing she's so close to me, yet seems to far away because we aren't together.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 That's exactly how I was. There was a few times I got lonely and wanted someone a bit but for the most part I was happy and didn't really care, and the lonely all it took was going out with friends for the night and I was good. Then the relationship started, I didn't even really realize it and wasn't looking for it. Now i'm back to what I was doing before and it's just not the same. It changed me a lot, and I can't seem to go back. I use to really enjoy my alone time and a ton of it. Even when I did a lot of things i'd prefer to do it alone. Then going to doing it with her, now I don't like doing it alone. Now a lot of nights when i'm watching tv i'm wondering what she's doing. It seems worse being neighbors knowing she's so close to me, yet seems to far away because we aren't together. I don't wonder what she's doing, which is good. I know at one point she was hanging out with co-workers, which is something she didn't like doing before, so I guess she was struggling at one point to fill her schedule without me. Whether she still is I don't know. And I know she's on vacation right now because she had told me about it when we were together and she mentioned it the last time we saw each other a month ago, but yeah, I don't really wonder what she's exactly doing. If she's not with me, it's not worthwhile to think about. I'm able to fill the time just fine for the most part (helps that work has gotten a lot more busy) and I'm meeting other people and hanging out with other friends, but yeah, it was awesome when it was going on. She went from someone who I had met a couple times previously who I never would have gotten ahold of if she hadn't contacted me to my main social outlet (and I became hers as well, though maybe not to the same extent). If I could go back to what we had that'd be awesome, but right now she's not the same person and I'm not holding my breath that she'll ever be. It'll all be awesome eventually -- hell. I'm almost there.
suladas Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I don't wonder what she's doing, which is good. I know at one point she was hanging out with co-workers, which is something she didn't like doing before, so I guess she was struggling at one point to fill her schedule without me. Whether she still is I don't know. And I know she's on vacation right now because she had told me about it when we were together and she mentioned it the last time we saw each other a month ago, but yeah, I don't really wonder what she's exactly doing. If she's not with me, it's not worthwhile to think about. I'm able to fill the time just fine for the most part (helps that work has gotten a lot more busy) and I'm meeting other people and hanging out with other friends, but yeah, it was awesome when it was going on. She went from someone who I had met a couple times previously who I never would have gotten ahold of if she hadn't contacted me to my main social outlet (and I became hers as well, though maybe not to the same extent). If I could go back to what we had that'd be awesome, but right now she's not the same person and I'm not holding my breath that she'll ever be. It'll all be awesome eventually -- hell. I'm almost there. I only do it when i'm at home and bored. If i'm working or not at home I don't. It's just coming home sometimes, or seeing her I start to think about her. But it's less and less all the time. Being off work hurt the last 2 months has really made it a lot tougher to, I want to go out more but i'm forced to stay at home and rest because I have to put my injury above anything else. And i'm at home all day most days, with way to much time on my hands. I'm moving on though, been on a date, hung out with some new girls and got another date this week if I want it. I know i'm ready for it, but at the same time 3 girls now have been complete disappointments. None of them even come close to comparing to the ex, not even GIGS or anything, just not a women I want all of them have something that's a complete deal breaker. Even though one was much hotter then my ex, even that wasn't even close to enough for me to want to try with her.
suladas Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 The weird thing is, as much as i'm not happy with how she handled the BU, and how much things would need to be fixed in order to ever try things again (i'm not even sure I ever would want to regardless). I keep thinking that in the future there will come a time we talk again about it, and possibly try again. I don't know why it's still in my head. I mean I reached out a few times and got nothing. I don't know why I think that when every single clue points to it never happening. Well I know we will talk again eventually, i'm sure of that. I'm not ready to let go of it yet but eventually I plan to make the effort to go back to being neighbors who talk and put everything behind us.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I only do it when i'm at home and bored. If i'm working or not at home I don't. It's just coming home sometimes, or seeing her I start to think about her. But it's less and less all the time. Being off work hurt the last 2 months has really made it a lot tougher to, I want to go out more but i'm forced to stay at home and rest because I have to put my injury above anything else. And i'm at home all day most days, with way to much time on my hands. I'm moving on though, been on a date, hung out with some new girls and got another date this week if I want it. I know i'm ready for it, but at the same time 3 girls now have been complete disappointments. None of them even come close to comparing to the ex, not even GIGS or anything, just not a women I want all of them have something that's a complete deal breaker. Even though one was much hotter then my ex, even that wasn't even close to enough for me to want to try with her. My woman hot streak came right after the break. Hooked up with four within a month of varying attractiveness (the first wasn't great but was a pure anger f--k, the second was solid, the third was slightly above average and the fourth was hot). I was still hung up on my ex, so I didn't give a crap and was able to pick up women pretty nicely. Since I've started to give up on the ex and move on my success has gone down considerably to more normal levels. Met another one who is hot but wasn't into me in that way. Could prove to be a good friend and link to other hotties though and would probably play along on Facebook to make the ex jealous if I ever asked her to (probably wouldn't, that just seems juvenile).
Author church9832 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 I understand everything that happened, the distance was way too much she couldnt handle it... Everytime i see a girl im intrested in... 50% feels that my ex was better and trust me on this I loved every part of her. I don't know... ughhh I have mini breakdowns now and then A guy breakdown mind you, where your stone cold and crying to death in side.
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