kaylan Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 In a thread last week a guy disagreed with me on whats average or decent success for men when it comes to women. I always say I do pretty average with women, and that my guys friends do as well. But the dude from this recent thread wasnt the first on the forum to tell me that my idea of decent success might be skewed. He assumed my friends and I were good looking, and I guess some of us are cute or handsome, but were not knockouts. One of my main wingmen is a looker with an average yet slim build. And hes got a chill personality thats inviting to women. Girls really dig him. I on the other hand consider myself a couple points under him facially, but I do have a good physique. Personality wise Im the goof ball of the group generally. Generally Id say for every 5 times I go out dancing, I end up dancing with a girl or two. For every two nights we go out dancing he dances with a girl or two. Now let it be said that dancing doesnt always mean kissing or getting digits. Sometimes you just dance, and theres not much vibe. How do you really quantify decent or average success for a guy? Like neither of us, or any of my friends really, have slept with tons of women. I guess I look at it this way. In a month...say I go out 4 nights to the bar to drink and dance. Thats 2 nights on 2 different weekends, with rest weekends in between. Then lets say on all the other days Im chatting with friends, organizing hangouts, possibly making new friends, maybe doing some OLD, and just being my generally peppy self in my every day life. Id say in those 30 days, if I put in any decent effort to talk to girls and chase a tiny bit, that I will kiss at least one, or at least have an ongoing correspondence with one thats leading to some form of hangout. To me thats "decent success". It may be lacking in maximal effort and low balling the outcome a bit. But given how many guys here make me think zero success is average for a guy, Im think at least having something decent with 1 girl per month is "decent". And let it be known...hanging out with my wing buddy, I learned the art of "not giving a fvk". I learned not to be so outcome oriented. Sure we want the ladies...but we still bro out when we chill. And we just make an effort to be friendly. Im wondering if the guys who dont have success make an effort to just be gabby, flirty, and friendly with girls? If you do that enough, sometimes youll hit a streak of boldness. I mean for me, every once in a while I get in a super bold "no cares in the world", "im totally the shIIt" mood. Its just those days or nights you go out and feel good about yourself. When you can put on a button down and nice jeans, and just smile and say hi to women. Sure she may not be feeling you in that way, but I have made friends doing that before at least. But there are times when it pays off big and you have some fun. Im in a bit of a drought myself, and its primarily do to me not putting effort into meeting anyone at the moment. And it made me wonder if this is what the lack of luck guys do. Because Ill say it again...Im not a total looker, despite having some strong points to me, but I still feel I do decently when I try. All this being said. Whats decent success to you?
CptObvious Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 1 homerun per ~35 strikeouts is my ratio. That's what I like about this game, even though I'm terrible I still have almost 20 home runs
Author kaylan Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Get a blog, I'm sick of your brags disguised as discussion about dating. You cant be serious? In what way am I bragging. Who brags about being in a drought and that they maybe dance with a girl or two every several times they go out? And again, this doesnt mean a screw, a kiss, or even a number. I said that. I even said Id call decent having kissed a girl a month when compared to the stories we here from some posters here. So tell me what is there to brag about? Would you rather I say I do terribly with women and no one ever flirts with me or looks at me? Because theres a few posts like that already in another thread below this one.
jobaba Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 (edited) I think success is defined by fulfillment. And every man's definition of fulfillment is different. My best friend has had at least 200 women say that he is good looking or cute, has hooked up (kissing) with probably 30 of them, had sex with maybe 13 or so, dated maybe 5 to 7 of them at least semi-seriously and was married by age 32. Not bad, and I would say that's pretty average for a guy. He got a late start too. I don't expect that for myself, but interestingly enough, I do have some 'goal' numbers that I set for myself, which fluctuates a bit. 4 to 5 relationships and hook ups with 7 women and I'd be happy with that before getting hitched. Right now, I'm at 3 and 4, respectively. BUT ... I have never really had a woman say she thought I was cute/hot when they met me. That would be nice. If I could get a few women to say that to me, and maybe date one of them whom I also thought was cute, on top of what I've already accomplished, I'd say I'd be pretty fulfilled... Edited October 7, 2012 by jobaba
Author kaylan Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 ^What a poor comparison. In yours the guy has a masters degree and gets a job. In mine, both guys have their own shortcomings, though they have their positives, and theres no speak of anyone getting sex. Simple dancing with women, maybe a kiss or smile, or maybe just ending up friends. In other words, your comparison is garbage. The only decent part was at the end where I think everyone could do better with more effort
xdahliax Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I'm a girl, but it seems to me like you're pretty successful. That is, if you don't want an LTR. If I were looking for an LTR and had to kiss a guy once a month, go bar hopping and flirt, I'd be exhausted. To me, that wouldn't be a success. BTW, RQ., what's up with your pic? :\
Author kaylan Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Seriously? Maybe kissing one girl in a whole month, after going out several times at night, and hanging out with friends during the month, going to work, seeing different people every day, meeting new people here and there....all this in 30 days...all the human interaction normal people have in 30 days, and people consider kissing 1 girl "pretty successful"? And its not like these things lead to more much of the time. Hell it leading to more is only a small percentage of the time. And no, Im not better looking than average. Ill upload a pic in a few from my phone. I am seriously pretty surprised people think maybe kissing one girl in a month is not someone the average guy can do.
xdahliax Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Seriously? Maybe kissing one girl in a whole month, after going out several times at night, and hanging out with friends during the month, going to work, seeing different people every day, meeting new people here and there....all this in 30 days...all the human interaction normal people have in 30 days, and people consider kissing 1 girl "pretty successful"? And its not like these things lead to more much of the time. Hell it leading to more is only a small percentage of the time. And no, Im not better looking than average. Ill upload a pic in a few from my phone. I am seriously pretty surprised people think maybe kissing one girl in a month is not someone the average guy can do. I think it is. I don't go around kissing a new man once a month. Hell, I've been in love with a guy for months and I can't manage to tell him. I'm a sad case, but you get my point.
iris219 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I think it is. I don't go around kissing a new man once a month. Agreed. I've only kissed one guy this entire YEAR, so yeah, one a month is darn good. You're lucky to meet that many women you want to make out with.
Lonely Ronin Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 If you cut out the 5% most successful aka players and the 5% least successful the average would almost certainly be under 1.5 per year. Such BS...... Just because someone does better than what you think average is, doesn't make them a player. 1
SmileFace Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I don't think anyone can define someone elses dating success. Be it for males or females( I am not familiar with the other thread). Someones dating success is their own opinion. You may see your success as average - however it may spectacular to some other guy. Like I may look at my own dating history and think it is lame - since I don't have any relationships to show from it. However my sister who doesn't date around as much as me - looks at the amount of guys I have dated and thinks success. Anyway there is no right and wrong - that is all. 1
Author kaylan Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 I think it is. I don't go around kissing a new man once a month. Hell, I've been in love with a guy for months and I can't manage to tell him. I'm a sad case, but you get my point.Well Im young, I like to go out and have fun, and I love women. I havent met someone whos compatible with me for an LTR so I just enjoy myself. And Im not saying I kiss any amount of women in a year, Im just estimating based on what happens when I do go out. I dont actively date, chase women, or do the bar scene the entire year. Id get worn out if I tried to date all year long. Im still trying to get my career off the ground, and I have hobbies that take up time like music, soccer, and the gym. But Ive been where you are now. If Im really hung up on a girl, itll be hard for me to pay much attention to anyone else. But then again, sometimes I force myself to mingle with other women so I can get over people. Just in case you really didn't get this (very small chance): yes, kaylan, the ability to make out with 12 girls in a year would be something most single guys would give their right arm for. If I had to guess, I'd say the average number would be between 2 and 2.5 per year. If you cut out the 5% most successful aka players and the 5% least successful the average would almost certainly be under 1.5 per year. Really? Give their right arm? I dunno dude...most guys seem like regular blokes. Just like me. Unless they are socially inept I dont think its hard to have a decent singles life. Kissing 2 girls a year? I could see doing that if youre not actively dating or simply in a relationship or fwb arrangement. But I wouldnt say thats the average for regular single guys who actually put themselves out there. Hell, you make me sound like a playboy lady killer when Im faaaarrr from that. Agreed. I've only kissed one guy this entire YEAR, so yeah, one a month is darn good. You're lucky to meet that many women you want to make out with. One a month I think is pretty "meh" if someones got a decent social life. Im not even saying I go out all year and keep track of this. I just made a simply average based on the pockets of time during the year that I do go out a lot. As I said up top, I dont date all the time. And even when I do date, sometimes I can kiss 3 girls in a few weeks, and then go two months without anything decent happening. Its hit and miss. I dont see it as darn good. Just a regular dating life. Im sure there are plenty of guys and girls here who can and have done way more than my little so called average.
ThaWholigan Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 People need to stop equating the average male to the socially inept/attraction-ignorant men that frequent the internet. Coming from somebody that actually used to be crap with girls, it's disingenuous. I know a lot of dudes struggle, but at least a similar amount of men do not. What Kaylan does is what I expect......nah, it's what I KNOW guys in their mid 20s do. I know because I have friends and they all do the same sh*t. In fact, they probably f*ck more girls.
Sanman Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I really want to know where some of these people are coming up with their numbers. Making out with 12 girls is nothing to be ashamed of, but it isn't something I would consider that out of the ordinary. Hell, when I was really dating a few years ago I averaged about one date per week myself. However, that included online dating as well as going out. 1
jobaba Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 One a month I think is pretty "meh" if someones got a decent social life. Im not even saying I go out all year and keep track of this. I just made a simply average based on the pockets of time during the year that I do go out a lot. As I said up top, I dont date all the time. And even when I do date, sometimes I can kiss 3 girls in a few weeks, and then go two months without anything decent happening. Its hit and miss. I dont see it as darn good. Just a regular dating life. Im sure there are plenty of guys and girls here who can and have done way more than my little so called average. I think you're better looking than you probably give yourself credit for K. Once a month is pretty good. I think sometimes you fall into the trap of, "I can do this with women, so any other dude can too." Or maybe there's something to it. Maybe you should set up a dating help service for guys. Be a Hitch... In either case, making out with a girl once a year and I'd be THRILLED. And I used to go out three-four times a week in NYC.
Lonely Ronin Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I don't think anyone can define someone elses dating success. Be it for males or females( I am not familiar with the other thread). Someones dating success is their own opinion. You may see your success as average - however it may spectacular to some other guy. Exactly..... Even if I made out with a different woman every week, if that's all it was I would see it as a failure. 2
Author kaylan Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 People need to stop equating the average male to the socially inept/attraction-ignorant men that frequent the internet. Coming from somebody that actually used to be crap with girls, it's disingenuous. I know a lot of dudes struggle, but at least a similar amount of men do not. What Kaylan does is what I expect......nah, it's what I KNOW guys in their mid 20s do. I know because I have friends and they all do the same sh*t. In fact, they probably f*ck more girls. I garauntee they sleep with more women then I do lol. I dont have it in me to sleep around anyways.
suladas Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Everyone is going to vary. I have many friends who go out a lot and haven't gotten laid in more then a year. I have one friend right now on-off with 5 different girls, hasn't slept with all of them though. But then again he's also went many months with nothing. The past few weeks has been gold for me. 1 date, 2 others really interested (I just wasn't interested) and another date this week. Only one was initiated by me, the other was by the girls. I got a last start, almost 23 before I got my first GF but now just a few months out of that relationship something really seemed to change and now getting women doesn't seem so hard. A lot depends on your standards to. A few friends will go after anything that moves, so they are likely going to have more success then someone with standards. I've had a girl approach me at a bar, I could of easily kissed her to say I did probably even took her home, but I wouldn't consider that success.
phineas Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I'd consider myself successful at dating when I no longer have to do it anymore. 3
EasyHeart Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 It's not a contest. Success means being happy. If you're happy with your dating/social life, then it's a success; if you're not happy, then it's not a success. 2
dispatch3d Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 damn, lotta hate for making out with 1 girl a MONTH haha. You do better than me. Hate the player not the game I guess (although honestly I thought players hit home runs once a week? Whatever, I hate you!).
William Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I trust respondents will stick to the topic of how they define 'decent success in dating for a male' from now on. The topic itself is valid, so address it. Keep personal observations of other members out of it to retain posting privileges. Carry on. 1
MrCastle Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Success to me, for a single man, is measured in sex, plain and simple. I'm not into the bar scene so I can't judge success by how many dances or kisses you get with girls. I don't know what the norm would be in that environment and it depends on quite a lot of factors. Dances and kisses are not sex with girls though so I wouldn't use it as a measuring stick anyway.
Author kaylan Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Success to me, for a single man, is measured in sex, plain and simple. I'm not into the bar scene so I can't judge success by how many dances or kisses you get with girls. I don't know what the norm would be in that environment and it depends on quite a lot of factors. Dances and kisses are not sex with girls though so I wouldn't use it as a measuring stick anyway. This is part of why I was flabbergasted by some of the earlier responses. When I compare the number of women Ive slept with, to the numbers I hear from plenty of others guys, my success rate in dating is mighty average.
LittlePrince Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I'd consider myself successful at dating when I no longer have to do it anymore. That's real success.
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