Capucine Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 On day 18th of NC, he likes a picture I uploaded on FB, lets it sit there for a few hours, and then unlikes it!!!!!!!!!!! What does that mean? What is the big deal about liking a photo? He was the one who dumped me. May be he thought I might interpret it the wrong way or what? What do you think?
Svet74 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 he prob hit it by accident. that happens to me sometimes. then went back and unliked it. or he is just trying to get your attention so you could ask him about it. Dont bother. dont break NC Just act like you didnt even notice nor care 1
Million.to.1 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 On day 18th of NC, he likes a picture I uploaded on FB, lets it sit there for a few hours, and then unlikes it!!!!!!!!!!! What does that mean? What is the big deal about liking a photo? He was the one who dumped me. May be he thought I might interpret it the wrong way or what? What do you think? the answer to this question is - Facebook is dumb. It means nothing. if it's going to cause you stress like this you should just un-friend him. 2
gamman Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Who knows? Probably playing a little game with you. Stop analyzing! You're going to drive yourself insane, cause yourself more pain, and slow the healing process. If you've chosen NC, stick to it, and use the time to heal, learn about yourself, and grow as a person. I know it's hard, but don't let this guy rent space in your head. Oh, and block him from your Facebook. What are you doing? Come on, now! Don't play games, too.
Author Capucine Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Unfortunately, I'm not strong enough to unfriend him yet I'm even still in his relationship status! I think he's waiting for me to remove it, and I decided I wanted to do it on day 30 of the NC. After I'm stronger and I can deal with it. He wanted to be friends and I said no. He's staying with his friends this weekend where we were staying together 3 months ago. I thought may be he got drunk or sth or may be the memories rushed in and he acted on them, and then a few hours later he regretted it. I know you guys are right about all the stress and everything..but I just can't at the moment
gamman Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 (edited) Hang in there. I can't speak for everyone here, but I'm sure almost all of us have gone through what you're going through -- I know I sure have. I do know that the NC does work for the vast majority of people to help them heal and grow the quickest. I also know it's just really hard to do sometimes. Take care, and like I said, try to get him out of your head. Edited October 7, 2012 by gamman
Author Capucine Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 I have been through break ups before, but none of them felt like this. This is the first time I'm going through sth like this and it feels like the entire universe is working against me. And about getting him out of my head, I can't even do it for a minute. Even in my sleep, I dream about him I just can't get him out of mu head. I'm scared for myself
gamman Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Yuck! Yeah, if this is you're first one like that be prepared for something wilder than you can ever imagine. Easily, one of the most crazy and painful things a person will ever go through in life. Time is really a major factor, and healing in a healthy way is mucho important too. Some people suppress, detach, dive into other relationships, drink, they do anything to avoid feeling that pain. That pain, though, is where the growth comes from. Doing that stuff just backfires, makes everything worse. Don't set goals like, in one year I'll be over it. It just takes as long as it takes. But it does get better with time. It really tends to have ups and downs but the overall trend is up. Get a good support group. Don't make comparisons in your recovery to his. Don't feel like you're weak or whatever just because you're really hurt and it may take a long time to heal. If possible, I'd suggest maybe seeing a therapist a weekly. Maybe someone who specializes in abandonment. It will help. I know what you mean about him being in your head 100% of the time. Even in your sleep, and nothing you can do get him out of it. Just try your best. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and throw up because of the anxiety dreams I was having about my ex. When her and I first broke up, wow! was not prepared for what was happening. No idea something could be so powerful and she was in my brain 24/7 for a looooooong time. It's really no joke. I completely and totally know the pain and craziness your feeling. I don't know of much more in life that's really more painful. Oh, and the NC thing. It's hard. Don't beat yourself up if you slip up, just try to slide back into NC ASAP. After going what I went though, and being in contact with the ex and then not talking. Then being in contact, and then not talking. It was a mess, NC was truly the way to go. It took me a little bit to be able to initiate it permanently, but it's really the best way once i did. As hard as it is, stay off all social media where he is too. That stuff is evil when you're going through this.
suladas Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I feel for you a lot. I'm about 3 months into mine, it was my first real break up to and wow the first week or so I didn't think I was going to make it. I never knew I was emotional or deep like that. The best advice I can give you is to carry on your life as normal as possible. Yes it's perfectly normal and fine to take him to be alone and be sad, but try to go out with family and friends as much as possible. The first day after, it was one of the toughest days I can remember trying to drag myself out of bed force myself to eat and go to work. But you know what? Everyday it gets easier, sure the odd day you might have a setback for whatever reason. But if you compare even now compared to a week ago, i'm sure you'll see quite a bit of progress. As said, don't jump into bed or a relationship with anyone soon. You'll end up worse off in the end. As far as facebook, I just deleted my ex a week ago. Not every post of hers hurt me, but some did so I figured it was better to delete her, that and I found myself looking at her profile a lot.
Author Capucine Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Thank you guys. About the FB..do you guys think he's trying to hurt me on purpose? Or he just does not know what he's doing? He likes my post and then he decides he shouldn't have acted on it so he removes the "like" ? I know it's silly but somehow I need to know if he's trying to hurt me or not. I feel like I'm losing my mind! I hope I can stay sane and get through this!
TopCat22 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Without knowing exactly what is going on, I'd say it's most likely that he liked your photo as a gesture of goodwill/wasn't sure how to talk to you after so long. Then he had second thoughts about how it would look to like your photo after so long. We all make out that the dumper is an evil, spiteful person (in some cases they are) but often they are going through a hard time too (although they chose this path). I doubt this was an effort to hurt you, but I don't think it means anything more either. Stick to your NC! 1
Million.to.1 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Thank you guys. About the FB..do you guys think he's trying to hurt me on purpose? Or he just does not know what he's doing? He likes my post and then he decides he shouldn't have acted on it so he removes the "like" ? I know it's silly but somehow I need to know if he's trying to hurt me or not. I feel like I'm losing my mind! I hope I can stay sane and get through this! Honestly.. listen to me. if liking a photo and then unliking it has caused you to feel this way, imagine what it will be like when he starts posting pics of him with a new girl.. or his relationship status changes and all his friends "like" it. seriously... do yourself a favour and unfriend him. send him a message if you like just saying that you need to for now and you don't hate him, but FB will just making moving on slower. Staying connected on FB will hold you back. seriously... you don't need the headache of stalking him or making updates for his benefit or watching as he moves on happily without you and doesn't give you a second thought. you will be glad you did in a few months time, i promise you. And in my opinion... N/C includes Facebook. It keeps you connected. You are not in NC if you are "friends" on Facebook.
Author Capucine Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 But I also want him back What if I unfriend him and he forgets all about me? What is the right thing to do?
Million.to.1 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 sheesh. He broke up with you right? What you want doesn't matter because it isn't your decision. The right thing to do is UNFRIEND him. Is causing you issues that aren't going to go away. The thing is, whether or not he forgets about you is irrelevant. YOU need to forget about him. I can guarantee you, that he is not sitting at his computer writing forum posts about you, thinking about you. this may sound harsh, but it's true. No contact is for your healing, not to win him back. You won't win him back. ok???? THE SOONER you remove these connections like facebook the sooner you will move on. There is no easy way, it's still going to suck.. but you will get there quicker if you use NO CONTACT properly. But you are not going to are you?? You think your situation is different. IT'S NOT. Un-friend him.
Hawaii50 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) OP reminded me of.. " one the 18th day of NC my old-love gave to me, fivvvvvvvvvvve text messages... 4 emails 3 phone calls 2 telegrams 1 and a dove with a message for meeeeeeeeee. Edited October 8, 2012 by Hawaii50
suladas Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 If he forgets about you because you aren't friends on facebook anymore then there couldn't of been much there. As everyone else said, you must just forget them. Everyone struggles with it and thinks their ex will come back. Just have to let that go and move on.
flitzanu Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 On day 18th of NC, he likes a picture I uploaded on FB, lets it sit there for a few hours, and then unlikes it!!!!!!!!!!! What does that mean? What is the big deal about liking a photo? He was the one who dumped me. May be he thought I might interpret it the wrong way or what? What do you think? holy crap, he liked and then unliked a photo? i think in facebook terms that means he wants to get married. why are you stalking his every move on facebook, and why have you not BLOCKED HIM? quit stalking and quit imagining scenarios that aren't there about something as dumb as facebook.
geegirl Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 On day 18th of NC, he likes a picture I uploaded on FB, lets it sit there for a few hours, and then unlikes it!!!!!!!!!!! What does that mean? What is the big deal about liking a photo? He was the one who dumped me. May be he thought I might interpret it the wrong way or what? What do you think? What does it mean that on the 18th day he did a switcheroo on you? Who knows? It's funny how we grab on to these nonsense mind plays when all you have to really hold on to is the fact that he has dumped you. Nothing else matters because a like or dislike doesn't change one thing. He still isn't with you.
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