Mystery: Turn On or Turn Off?

[MrCastle]

Th thing is that by using his image as your blueprint, you're really not what you seem. It's okay to not talk about every detail of your personal life, but you seem so intent on living up to this mysterious image that you are probably holding back more than you should. I think that you might actually surprise someone when they see the full picture, and I don't know if it's in a good way or not because I don't know what type of girl that will be.

 

If I were interested in you and you revealed very little about your private life or didn't show to me that you like to sit on the couch on Sundays, I'd probably be scared away. It's not that I don't like guys who are exciting, but some guys really just are too exciting for me. It's like being high maintenance. I actually like Breaking Bad marathons, and so do most of my female friends.

 

I'm just an old school romantic. I like to sweep women off their feet. We both enjoy it. I like playing up the role of this charming, spontaneous romeo, someone you mostly see only in movies or books. I'm very theatrical when it comes to dating. Chilling on the couch with a girl and having a netflix night, I can't do it. I'm not that guy. The average and the normal scare me. Life can be so much more than that. I'm the guy that will pick you up and not tell you where we're going, or do other things to increase anticipation and intrigue. I get a high off it, and women respond well to it. Like I said, I'm talking strictly dating. When it comes time to settle down (if I choose to settle down) I will be completely transparent. I wouldn't be able to play up this image 24/7.

[MrCastle]

Most of what you've listed is trivial except for this one. There's a substantial percentage of women who don't like men who play video games for this amount of time. Would you lie to a potential date if they asked?

 

I speak in vague terms so I'd more than likely say something like "I enjoy a video game every now and again". I wouldn't say "oh yeah sometimes when I'm bored I'll play for 3 hours at a time". She doesn't need to know that.

[threebyfate]

I speak in vague terms so I'd more than likely say something like "I enjoy a video game every now and again". I wouldn't say "oh yeah sometimes when I'm bored I'll play for 3 hours at a time". She doesn't need to know that.

Do you notice how it's all about control and controlling another person?

[MrCastle]

Do you notice how it's all about control and controlling another person?

 

Not really. I just think women I date are on a need to know basis. I would never hide something serious like drug use, stds, other women, children from other relationships, etc etc. When it comes to things that affect them directly I am honest and transparent. When it comes to some of my interests, what I choose to do in my spare time, mundane tasks, etc--she doesn't need to know, in my opinion.

[SmileFace]

Sine you don't want a LTR. Don't you think what you are doing is a form of control. Not contolling them but controlling your emotions?

[xdahliax]

Do you notice how it's all about control and controlling another person?

 

I'm also on the fence about it. I don't know how comfortable I'd be knowing that a guy was behaving like MrCastle is. But then again, we all watch what we say and how we behave when we're around a potential love interest. I think he just takes it a bit too far.

[threebyfate]

she doesn't need to know, in my opinion.

Which is fine, it's your choice. But notice how I'm pushing you, to find out the truth? As a guess, there will be a number of women who will be similar, who prefer to know where mystery discomforts.

 

Now, how do you feel about being pushed?

[MrCastle]

Sine you don't want a LTR. Don't you think what you are doing is a form of control. Not contolling them but controlling your emotions?

 

I'm controlling the situation in regards to me showing her what I want, when I want, and because of that, influence her perception of me. I'm very calculated when it comes to dating, so yeah, in that sense, I'm able to set the frame early and often.

[MrCastle]

Which is fine, it's your choice. But notice how I'm pushing you, to find out the truth? As a guess, there will be a number of women who will be similar, who prefer to know where mystery discomforts.

 

Now, how do you feel about being pushed?

 

Not a fan

[SmileFace]

I'm controlling the situation in regards to me showing her what I want, when I want, and because of that, influence her perception of me. I'm very calculated when it comes to dating, so yeah, in that sense, I'm able to set the frame early and often.

That is what I meant when I said - it is in your head. I wasn't trying to be cheeky. This is a game you play to protect yourself. You can't fall for someone when they don't know you and vice-versa. I am not sure of your dating life but some girls may find this intrigueing in the beginning and may grow attach trying to figure you out. Which it seems at that point you cut them loose. However I am pretty sure if you didn't - they too will grow tired of the game, or edge.

[threebyfate]

Not a fan

So in effect, you've managed to reduce the size of your dating pool using the...mystery method.

[MrCastle]

I'm also on the fence about it. I don't know how comfortable I'd be knowing that a guy was behaving like MrCastle is. But then again, we all watch what we say and how we behave when we're around a potential love interest. I think he just takes it a bit too far.

 

I should note I'm actually transparent about my mysteriousness if that makes sense. In the early stages I let them know I'm a total romantic and try to make our dates seem as fantasy filled and romantic as possible. I tell them I try to blur the lines of fantasy and reality. I tell them out right that I make an effort to set myself apart from other men. So they know going in, this is a conscious effort on my part to project this heightened reality. They know I'm doing all of this on purpose. It intrigues them and only makes them more interested. I mean, I break the fourth wall. I actually tell women flat out I'm mysterious. When they ask what I mean by that, I explain it to them, then show them. Sometimes I'll tease them with it and they'll say "ahhh you and your mysteriousness!" in a playful way. We both know I'm mysterious on purpose. It's not deceitful, or dishonest. I let them know I'm doing it, and yet they still love it.

[MrCastle]

That is what I meant when I said - it is in your head. I wasn't trying to be cheeky. This is a game you play to protect yourself. You can't fall for someone when they don't know you and vice-versa. I am not sure of your dating life but some girls may find this intrigueing in the beginning and may grow attach trying to figure you out. Which it seems at that point you cut them loose. However I am pretty sure if you didn't - they too will grow tired of the game, or edge.

 

Yeah, absolutely. What ends up happening sometimes is they drive themselves up a wall trying to get closer to me and figure me out, but I won't budge. I don't like being vulnerable, being exposed. I guess that would mean I have intimacy issues? I don't like being emotionally invested, and am scared when women dig me a little too much. I treat dating as a fun experience. We have awesome sex, fun dates, and when it's over, we go our separate ways.

[threebyfate]

Yeah, absolutely. What ends up happening sometimes is they drive themselves up a wall trying to get closer to me and figure me out, but I won't budge. I don't like being vulnerable, being exposed. I guess that would mean I have intimacy issues? I don't like being emotionally invested, and am scared when women dig me a little too much. I treat dating as a fun experience. We have awesome sex, fun dates, and when it's over, we go our separate ways.

Requoting your opening post for effect and emphasis. Note the bolded in each post. They equate.

 

I'm sure there are some girls who see a guy like me and think I'm hiding something or I'm a player trying to minimalize my chances of getting caught, but that's not it;

[MrCastle]

Requoting your opening post for effect and emphasis. Note the bolded in each post. They equate.

 

In my opinion a player is someone lies about their intentions in order to bed a woman. I tell them straight up I'm not looking for something serious. They know what this is going into it. As far as hiding something, I don't think I'm hiding anything, at least not anything serious.

[xdahliax]

I should note I'm actually transparent about my mysteriousness if that makes sense. In the early stages I let them know I'm a total romantic and try to make our dates seem as fantasy filled and romantic as possible. I tell them I try to blur the lines of fantasy and reality. I tell them out right that I make an effort to set myself apart from other men. So they know going in, this is a conscious effort on my part to project this heightened reality. They know I'm doing all of this on purpose. It intrigues them and only makes them more interested. I mean, I break the fourth wall. I actually tell women flat out I'm mysterious. When they ask what I mean by that, I explain it to them, then show them. Sometimes I'll tease them with it and they'll say "ahhh you and your mysteriousness!" in a playful way. We both know I'm mysterious on purpose. It's not deceitful, or dishonest. I let them know I'm doing it, and yet they still love it.

 

Well if it's been working for you and the girls seem to love, don't change. If you don't want an LTR, there's nothing wrong with being 'mysterious' and protecting your feelings. Maybe one day, you'll find someone that actually makes you feel like it's okay to open up and that makes you want to do so.

 

If you don't like the type of girl you've been attracting, you might want to change it up a bit.

[runner]

FWIW you can have a facebook and still be mysterious - just don't put all your info on there

 

true. i've got a fb account, but it's filled with misinformation (yes i really am Bob Marley ! ), and basically treat it as a news aggregator for different organisations, and perhaps share a few photos. in short, my fb page is barely a thumb-nail of who i truly am in person, so stalking me on there, assuming it is who i am, is at your own peril and not mine.

[runner]

I'm just an old school romantic. I like to sweep women off their feet. We both enjoy it. I like playing up the role of this charming, spontaneous romeo, someone you mostly see only in movies or books. I'm very theatrical when it comes to dating. Chilling on the couch with a girl and having a netflix night, I can't do it. I'm not that guy. The average and the normal scare me. Life can be so much more than that. I'm the guy that will pick you up and not tell you where we're going, or do other things to increase anticipation and intrigue. I get a high off it, and women respond well to it. Like I said, I'm talking strictly dating. When it comes time to settle down (if I choose to settle down) I will be completely transparent. I wouldn't be able to play up this image 24/7.

 

oh i see. so per this thread, you actually wanted to discuss 'mysetery' as a sort of PUA strategy, and not so much an element of substantive relationships. got it.

 

not sarcasm btw; i just wanted to clarify. carry on.

[runner]

I should note I'm actually transparent about my mysteriousness if that makes sense. In the early stages I let them know I'm a total romantic and try to make our dates seem as fantasy filled and romantic as possible. I tell them I try to blur the lines of fantasy and reality. I tell them out right that I make an effort to set myself apart from other men. So they know going in, this is a conscious effort on my part to project this heightened reality. They know I'm doing all of this on purpose. It intrigues them and only makes them more interested. I mean, I break the fourth wall. I actually tell women flat out I'm mysterious. When they ask what I mean by that, I explain it to them, then show them. Sometimes I'll tease them with it and they'll say "ahhh you and your mysteriousness!" in a playful way. We both know I'm mysterious on purpose. It's not deceitful, or dishonest. I let them know I'm doing it, and yet they still love it.

 

which is ironic, cos all you're really doing is making yourself exactly like every other guy out there on the dating market. they're all big fans of the mystery method from what i've noticed.

 

the vulnerable and transparent, now that isn't quite as common.

 

but really man, if you're just having fun in that thrill of the moment phase (until you eventually grow tired of it), then have at it. just be sure to use protection when the clothes come off.

[CptObvious]

That mystery game never worked for me. Bitches just think you're a shady cheating scumbag rapist..

[Mme. Chaucer]

I think how people perceive you is more important than who you really are.

 

I don't mean this in a condescending way … but I think that is sad.

 

I would hope that a person would be perceived to be as they really are. In general as they go through their lives, not just in relationship to dating and / or looking for a relationship, casual sex, or whatever.

 

Of course, I'm not a fan of TMI and I think it's really lame when people expose their private selves to the whole world on facebook. I enjoy my facebook very much, but I think it has a particular and defined place.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Well if it's been working for you and the girls seem to love, don't change. If you don't want an LTR, there's nothing wrong with being 'mysterious' and protecting your feelings. Maybe one day, you'll find someone that actually makes you feel like it's okay to open up and that makes you want to do so.

 

That may be true … but hiding behind a carefully constructed facade might cause the OP to find himself rather stunted in some ways when and if he would some day like to relate on a less superficial level.

[roselove]

seems like you've got to work hard for that mystery. there's a fine line between mystic and disfunction.

[MrCastle]

I don't mean this in a condescending way … but I think that is sad.

 

That is the reality we live in. First impressions are everything. Image is very important in life. I don't fake who I am, I'm just selective in what I allow people to see. I want to be able to control my image. Control how people see me. This has worked wonders for me in dating. If I play up the role of this experienced, romantic, charming guy, I get away with a HELL of a lot more than when I'm just another face in the crowd. I become the exception to their rules. I stand out, and it turns them on. We're both getting what we want. They're getting this great, fun experience where everything is heightened sexually and passionately, and I get both my own physical pleasure from that as well as the mental satisfaction that I'm sending this girl over the edge.

[MrCastle]

which is ironic, cos all you're really doing is making yourself exactly like every other guy out there on the dating market. they're all big fans of the mystery method from what i've noticed.[/Quote]

 

A lot of people are fans of the NFL too, it doesn't make them players.

 

More men fail at this method, than succeed.

 

but really man, if you're just having fun in that thrill of the moment phase (until you eventually grow tired of it), then have at it. just be sure to use protection when the clothes come off.

 

oh yes, always--check my thread history