MrCastle Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 So the biggest thing in my dating arsenal is mystery. I don't facebook, I don't take part in over exposing myself or my life for the interwebs to see. I've noticed things like that have increased interest in some girls. The fact that I'm not as easy to get a hold of, the fact that I don't put myself out there in the 24/7 social media cycle, it's given me an edge. I enjoy showing people only what I want them to see, as opposed to having unflattering pictures of myself tagged on facebook or having people leave embarassing posts on my wall and whatnot. I kind of present myself as a moment. A guy that shows up in your life unexpectedly and just wants to have a good time with you. I say few words, but the words I do say hold a lot of weight. I rarely give people my last name unless I absolutely have to. I'm sure there are some girls who see a guy like me and think I'm hiding something or I'm a player trying to minimalize my chances of getting caught, but that's not it; I find mystery sexy and a pretty big turn on. The more you know about someone, the more likely you are to find out something about them you don't like. The more you see of someone, the more "regular" and accessible they appear, and we all know we like chasing those that are hard to get. So tell me, does mystery turn you on?
xdahliax Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I guess it can be, but it might also seem like you're hiding something. I also don't have Facebook, for the same reasons as you. But I wouldn't go so far as you say that I rarely give my last name. What do you do if someone asks (assuming they're not some random person off the street)? If you evade the question, that would raise some red flags or make me lose interest. I believe in getting to know someone without having to look them up, but if they won't open up to me in person then there's no point in keeping them around.
Shaun-Dro Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 So the biggest thing in my dating arsenal is mystery. I don't facebook, I don't take part in over exposing myself or my life for the interwebs to see. I've noticed things like that have increased interest in some girls. The fact that I'm not as easy to get a hold of, the fact that I don't put myself out there in the 24/7 social media cycle, it's given me an edge. I enjoy showing people only what I want them to see, as opposed to having unflattering pictures of myself tagged on facebook or having people leave embarassing posts on my wall and whatnot. I kind of present myself as a moment. A guy that shows up in your life unexpectedly and just wants to have a good time with you. I say few words, but the words I do say hold a lot of weight. I rarely give people my last name unless I absolutely have to. I'm sure there are some girls who see a guy like me and think I'm hiding something or I'm a player trying to minimalize my chances of getting caught, but that's not it; I find mystery sexy and a pretty big turn on. The more you know about someone, the more likely you are to find out something about them you don't like. The more you see of someone, the more "regular" and accessible they appear, and we all know we like chasing those that are hard to get. So tell me, does mystery turn you on? I think there's a fine medium in giving information when asked and just volunteering unneeded information. One works better than the other. Got me? I never deny who I am to people. I talk when I want and I'm silent as well. It all depends on the moment and the mood. It works for me brillianltly. It is the way I am naturally; not an act to attract the opposite sex.
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Is the mystery of you not having a facebook a turn on... is that the question? I don't add guys I am dating one FB - one because I rather us learn from each other about each other. I have had one guy I dated on my FB while we were dating and that is because we started as friends. Never again. I don't add guys probably for the same reasons you have stated. You having or not having a FB wouldn't be a turn on nor a turn off - since I would add you anyway.
Author MrCastle Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I guess it can be, but it might also seem like you're hiding something. I also don't have Facebook, for the same reasons as you. But I wouldn't go so far as you say that I rarely give my last name. What do you do if someone asks (assuming they're not some random person off the street)? If you evade the question, that would raise some red flags or make me lose interest. I believe in getting to know someone without having to look them up, but if they won't open up to me in person then there's no point in keeping them around. I've had my run ins with stalkers. I have this problem where I go way heavy in the initial stages and pile on the passion, and as a result, some girls develop feelings pretty quickly. Sometimes when it comes time to let them go, it doesn't go as smoothly as one would hope, and due to past experiences, I'd prefer they didn't know my last name, especially these days.
xdahliax Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I've had my run ins with stalkers. I have this problem where I go way heavy in the initial stages and pile on the passion, and as a result, some girls develop feelings pretty quickly. Sometimes when it comes time to let them go, it doesn't go as smoothly as one would hope, and due to past experiences, I'd prefer they didn't know my last name, especially these days. I think your best bet is to take it slow. If the girls are crazy, you will know before it gets too serious. I know it sounds bad, but play hot and cold. Trust me, they won't be able to hide their crazy. But if you keep going the way you're going, I think you'd drive away girls that actually do want to get to know you.
Author MrCastle Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 Is the mystery of you not having a facebook a turn on... is that the question? I don't add guys I am dating one FB - one because I rather us learn from each other about each other. I have had one guy I dated on my FB while we were dating and that is because we started as friends. Never again. I don't add guys probably for the same reasons you have stated. You having or not having a FB wouldn't be a turn on nor a turn off - since I would add you anyway. I used to have a FB and it was just constant drama. Girls were asking me who I was adding and what my relationship was to them; or a girl would pose as this innocent, one man girl, but the comments and pictures on her page would tell me otherwise, and would damage our relationships. I just like not having one now so it's sort of don't ask, don't tell. Out of sight, out of mind. Since leaving facebook, my relationships with women have gone further and have been much more drama free.
ThaWholigan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 It depends. I reckon mystery is a turn on to particular types of girls - it implies a whole host of things that on it's own would be attractive to individual girls. It implies depth, which would appeal to women who seek to discover a multi-dynamic and sexual personality. It can also imply a quiet confidence that can be construed as personal authority and dominance - which needless to say is a turn on to a lot of women. There are those who will be attracted to the mystery itself, because intrigue and curiosity ties in with their attraction. There's a whole host of things. Obviously, not every woman is attracted to it - some girls like to get to the meat and potatoes of a person very quickly. 1
threebyfate Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 IMO, mystery points to a man who's afraid to reveal himself. Timidity and insecurity aren't attractive features to me. 4
ThaWholigan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 IMO, mystery points to a man who's afraid to reveal himself. Timidity and insecurity aren't attractive features to me. How apt that your post should come after my very last sentence
iris219 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I don't see how not having FB equals mysterious. I would love to find a guy who didn't have FB, but this has nothing to do with mystery. I'd expect him to be open, available, and not afraid to be vulnerable. 1
threebyfate Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 How apt that your post should come after my very last sentence Hadn't read your post prior to posting. As far as getting to the meat and potatoes of a man, this is integral to my relationships and continued attraction. In understanding the underlying emotional framework of a partner, it allows for a predictive quality. In that understanding, it reinforces safety. Emotionally erratic men aren't my thing. 4
ThaWholigan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 FWIW you can have a facebook and still be mysterious - just don't put all your info on there 1
Author MrCastle Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 FWIW you can have a facebook and still be mysterious - just don't put all your info on there Yeah, it should have been noted it's not just lack of facebook. I don't reveal very much about my personal life; I speak in vague terms, etc. I just like to be guarded. It's worked for me thus far.
threebyfate Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Yeah, it should have been noted it's not just lack of facebook. I don't reveal very much about my personal life; I speak in vague terms, etc. I just like to be guarded. It's worked for me thus far.What are you guarding and why the need to do so?
ThaWholigan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Yeah, it should have been noted it's not just lack of facebook. I don't reveal very much about my personal life; I speak in vague terms, etc. I just like to be guarded. It's worked for me thus far. I'd imagine the privacy gives you your own personal clarity. You still have to find a happy medium though - maybe not to make yourself vulnerable but to not appear too closed off as people will actually assume negativity rather than associate good feelings to that mystery.
kaylan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 TBH, I think mystery is ok to both men and women to an extent. We love getting to know someone, but usually want to learn little by little. Someone dumping their whole life story and current events on you too quickly can be overwhelming. I like a chick who can keep me guessing and hold back a little bit (within reason). 1
Author MrCastle Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 What are you guarding and why the need to do so? I'm not hiding anything embarassing or serious about myself, I'm just a firm supporter of image. I think how people perceive you is more important than who you really are. There was a time when technology wasn't as big and you were able to have more privacy and only show people what you want them to see. That's what I do. I show people what I want them to see, obviously only positive/interesting things, so they identify me as this cool, different, interesting guy. I don't want to be seen as your normal guy. I like the idea of being someone different, someone a woman's never met before. Of course this changes when you're looking for a LTR, where transparency is crucial, but when dating, I portray a particular image, and I stick by that image. I don't fake who I am or lie, I just make sure only certain aspects of my personality come out.
threebyfate Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I'm not hiding anything embarassing or serious about myself, I'm just a firm supporter of image. I think how people perceive you is more important than who you really are. There was a time when technology wasn't as big and you were able to have more privacy and only show people what you want them to see. That's what I do. I show people what I want them to see, obviously only positive/interesting things, so they identify me as this cool, different, interesting guy. I don't want to be seen as your normal guy. I like the idea of being someone different, someone a woman's never met before. Of course this changes when you're looking for a LTR, where transparency is crucial, but when dating, I portray a particular image, and I stick by that image. I don't fake who I am or lie, I just make sure only certain aspects of my personality come out.So...what happens when you enter a serious relationship and over time, show your other negative sides? Are you banking on the emotional investment of a partner to overcome the reality of a deceptive image of positivity? 2
ThaWholigan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 TBH, I think mystery is ok to both men and women to an extent. We love getting to know someone, but usually want to learn little by little. Someone dumping their whole life story and current events on you too quickly can be overwhelming. I like a chick who can keep me guessing and hold back a little bit (within reason). Yeah, that kinda ties into my comment about depth. You want to find out if there is more to the person. I think for some, that is an exercise in tedium, and much rather clock who the person is upfront rather than find out a little later on. I've noticed that some people aren't into the holding back thing.
ThaWholigan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I'm not hiding anything embarassing or serious about myself, I'm just a firm supporter of image. I think how people perceive you is more important than who you really are. There was a time when technology wasn't as big and you were able to have more privacy and only show people what you want them to see. That's what I do. I show people what I want them to see, obviously only positive/interesting things, so they identify me as this cool, different, interesting guy. I don't want to be seen as your normal guy. I like the idea of being someone different, someone a woman's never met before. Of course this changes when you're looking for a LTR, where transparency is crucial, but when dating, I portray a particular image, and I stick by that image. I don't fake who I am or lie, I just make sure only certain aspects of my personality come out. I get that still, it's more about protecting your social status. It might make personal entanglements difficult. Ah, a spot of social engineering on your part. Interesting.........
Author MrCastle Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 So...what happens when you enter a serious relationship and over time, show your other negative sides? Are you banking on the emotional investment of a partner to overcome the reality of a deceptive image of positivity? I wouldn't say negative. I just hide the average aspects of my personality. For example, every Sunday I'm at home in my pajamas watching football like a lot of men, I don't think girls need to know that. There are days where I can spend hours playing ps3, again, something normal but not interesting/exciting. They don't need to know I do that. I also wear glasses at home. I never leave my house in them. No girl I've ever dated has seen me in glasses, only contacts. I think I look nerdy in them and refuse to let women see me in them. Little things like that that I feel don't need to be shown or talked about. I'd much rather highlight the more interesting things I do, so my personality is enhanced. It gives me an edge in the dating world because I'm seen as someone totally different. Much like the man in my avatar. I used his image as my blueprint; I've actually been told on occasion that I remind people of James Dean. They don't need to know in a lot of aspects, I'm just a regular guy. It's more exciting for both of us if I play up my image.
xdahliax Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I wouldn't say negative. I just hide the average aspects of my personality. For example, every Sunday I'm at home in my pajamas watching football like a lot of men, I don't think girls need to know that. There are days where I can spend hours playing ps3, again, something normal but not interesting/exciting. They don't need to know I do that. I also wear glasses at home. I never leave my house in them. No girl I've ever dated has seen me in glasses, only contacts. I think I look nerdy in them and refuse to let women see me in them. Little things like that that I feel don't need to be shown or talked about. I'd much rather highlight the more interesting things I do, so my personality is enhanced. It gives me an edge in the dating world because I'm seen as someone totally different. Much like the man in my avatar. I used his image as my blueprint; I've actually been told on occasion that I remind people of James Dean. They don't need to know in a lot of aspects, I'm just a regular guy. It's more exciting for both of us if I play up my image. Th thing is that by using his image as your blueprint, you're really not what you seem. It's okay to not talk about every detail of your personal life, but you seem so intent on living up to this mysterious image that you are probably holding back more than you should. I think that you might actually surprise someone when they see the full picture, and I don't know if it's in a good way or not because I don't know what type of girl that will be. If I were interested in you and you revealed very little about your private life or didn't show to me that you like to sit on the couch on Sundays, I'd probably be scared away. It's not that I don't like guys who are exciting, but some guys really just are too exciting for me. It's like being high maintenance. I actually like Breaking Bad marathons, and so do most of my female friends.
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I think the "edge" is all in your head. I think it is something you need to get by and not something girls even care about.
threebyfate Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 There are days where I can spend hours playing ps3, again, something normal but not interesting/exciting.Most of what you've listed is trivial except for this one. There's a substantial percentage of women who don't like men who play video games for this amount of time. Would you lie to a potential date if they asked?
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