wolvie666 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 So my ex called me today (it's my birthday) saying she had a card for me so I went to pick it up at her house. Of course I couldn't keep my mouth shut about her new boyfriend and it was just not a pretty sight what followed. I said, "After six and a half years of being with me how is it so easy for you to be with somebody else?" She said, "We're in love and we're talking about getting married..." ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Okay, so she breaks up with me because she is confused and wants to see what else is out there and isn't ready for marriage yet. She starts seeing this new guy right after the split (no, I know she wasn't seeing him before we split up) and all of the sudden she's in love with him????? How is that possible? What is the matter with her? What is she thinking? There is no way she is going to end up staying with this guy after all of the bad stuff I've heard about him (much of it out of her own mouth). Everybody who knows her says he is bad news and she shouldn't be with him... Why is she being so stupid. She looked me in the eyes and said, "I don't love you anymore, I could never be with you like that again..." It just kills me. I know it's time to move on and try to forget about her but it is not going to be an easy task. We went through so much together it's like she's forgotten about everything. Just a week ago she was saying stuff about things working out between us and now she's completely in love with this loser. "He does things for me," she said. "What?" I said. "He started paying off all his fines so he can finally get his license back so i don't have to drive him everywhere," she said. Oh how friggin romantic... I guess nice guys really do finish last. Excuse me I think I'm gonna go puke my guts out now.
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 How is that possible? What is the matter with her? What is she thinking? Why care? Sounds like you've been given the opportunity to find someone that you're more compatible with. Good luck
Author wolvie666 Posted July 28, 2004 Author Posted July 28, 2004 We were as close as two people can be. I've just kinda been blindsided by it all. She acts like we never existed after everything we've been through. The split is so fresh it's just hard to believe. Her whole family was nuts about me and they're completely sick about the guy she's hooked up with. Just craziness... I don't know. I'm doing better with it than I should be. I'll probably crash hard soon though. Just like she's gonna crash hard down the road here and realize that she dumped a guy who treated her like a queen for a guy who won't be willing to do a friggin thing for her when things settle down. Guess everybody has a huge heartbreak in their past somewhere, huh? It's hard to imagine having a bigger one than this (hope I never do). I really thought she was the one. We were just getting ready to move in together. I still have all this furniture stored at her house that we got together. Man this sucks...
faux Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 Originally posted by wolvie666 So my ex called me today (it's my birthday) saying she had a card for me so I went to pick it up at her house. Of course I couldn't keep my mouth shut about her new boyfriend and it was just not a pretty sight what followed. I said, "After six and a half years of being with me how is it so easy for you to be with somebody else?" She said, "We're in love and we're talking about getting married..." ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Okay, so she breaks up with me because she is confused and wants to see what else is out there and isn't ready for marriage yet. She starts seeing this new guy right after the split (no, I know she wasn't seeing him before we split up) and all of the sudden she's in love with him????? How is that possible? I'm not sure how it's possible, but there are many things that "just are" in life which we do not understand. I have to say that it is possible she cares for this guy as much as she says she does. I can understand why you want to question it, but doing so won't get you any answers. What is the matter with her? What is she thinking? There is no way she is going to end up staying with this guy after all of the bad stuff I've heard about him (much of it out of her own mouth). Everybody who knows her says he is bad news and she shouldn't be with him... Why is she being so stupid. Now that she is in a relationship with him, it's quite possible that she knows him better, and she and her friends had been wrong about this guy. Whatever her reasoning, she feels that she loves him, and knows him best at this point. She looked me in the eyes and said, "I don't love you anymore, I could never be with you like that again..." It just kills me. I know it's time to move on and try to forget about her but it is not going to be an easy task. We went through so much together it's like she's forgotten about everything. Just a week ago she was saying stuff about things working out between us and now she's completely in love with this loser. "He does things for me," she said. "What?" I said. "He started paying off all his fines so he can finally get his license back so i don't have to drive him everywhere," she said. Oh how friggin romantic... I guess nice guys really do finish last. Excuse me I think I'm gonna go puke my guts out now. At least she is being completely honest with you, and not trying to spare your feelings. It may stink now, but it would be far worse for you if she was going to butter you up by lying. As far as how this guy really is, that is for her to find out. They can deal with each other now, and it would probably be for the best if stopped speaking with her, and did not try to find out any more details on her life. If this guy is a creep, then she will eventually figure it out. You will find a girl who knows to stay away from creeps, sure enough
manofmystrey Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Hey wolvie666... Dude what u are going through is hard I know cause my story is like urs. Your ex is just trying to spite u by giving u a card on ur b-day. she is sending u mixed signals and that is not fair to u. u cant keep putting urself in the meat grinder. Its like cancer u need to cut it out. Let her do what she wants cause u are a good person and she will see that one day and by then she will be to late. At this point u need to live life to the fullest. By letting her make u feel bad or allowing her to get to u is a game for her. U can never forget someone u were with for years but u will find that someone that will make u happy and forget the past. just remember that in order to gain something great one must be willing to lose something good.
jgs78 Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 "She looked me in the eyes and said, "I don't love you anymore, I could never be with you like that again..." It just kills me. I know it's time to move on and try to forget about her but it is not going to be an easy task. We went through so much together it's like she's forgotten about everything. Just a week ago she was saying stuff about things working out between us and now she's completely in love with this loser." I know EXACTLY what you are going through because I am going through the same thing. My boyfriend of 6 1/2 years broke up with me and when I read your post it was like I was reliving it again. I have NO idea how someone can say I love you one day and then the next day tell you that they don't care. It is extremely painful when you love someone and they don't love you back. A friend of mine told me the other day to think about the fact that maybe what is the most painful part of breaking up is the rejection. The rejection is what makes us most vulnerable and when you combine that with the fact that you weren't ready to break up, it makes it even more agonizing. All I can say is that you have to take it one day at a time. It has been 3 months since I talked to my ex. He still doesn't call, I don't know if he will ever call me again. What I do know is that I have to move on and that he isn't coming back. It is really hard to bite the bullet and admit it to myself. I think about him every night. I sit and wonder why he doesn't call. But you know, it makes me feel worse doing that. What is even more difficult for me is the fact that I am relatively new to New York and so I don't know anyone. It's hard to meet people in this city, especially making friends. Be thankful for what you have and just try to do things that keep your mind off of her. Do things that you were not able to do with her when you were in a relationship. I know it's hard but you can't get over it if you don't try. I should really be taking my own advice, but you know it's always difficult to take one's own advice and it is so much easier giving other people advice. Hang in there, you will get through it.
Author wolvie666 Posted July 29, 2004 Author Posted July 29, 2004 I've spent the whole day getting advice from various people and trying to take a logical outsider's perspective of all of this wihtout letting my emotions get in my way. Here's what I figured out: There is no way that she is actually in love with this guy. There is no way it will go all the way to marriage. She is infatuated and that is different from real love. Real love is what comes after the infatuation burns off and the partnership lasts. In other words, what we had the last 7 years. So, once she begins to tire of the partying she will begin to get unhappy. I know this girl better than anybody and she has many interests, loves to travel, go to museums, concerts, etc. When I asked her before what this guys interests are her response was: "cars, weed, sports, girls, and beer." Not the type of stuff she used to be into though interestingly enough very much the opposite of me. The excitement of this new guy (sorta of a bad boy thing I guess) will wear off and when it does she will find herself missing me and the ton of different stuff we used to do. One thing that is consistent in the advice I've gotten from people is things like, "she will regret this decision" and "she is just caught up in the excitement of something different," and "in about 6 months you will be given a choice whether or not you want to take her back." I think these people (all adults, all experienced in affairs of the heart) have a point. Her head is in the clouds and the fact that I have more or less been around this whole time has only served to push her closer to him. As for me, no I am not going to hang around and wait for the girl to come back to me. I do love her. More than anything in the world. But, I need to take this time and make the best of it. Get some things accomplished I've been wanting to, go out with my friends more, etc. I'm not interested in being in a relationship right now, but who knows a few months from now. If the time comes that she wants me back I should be prepared to make a decision at that time that I can live with. So I need to lift my head up and move on with my life, the idea that she is in somebody else's arms hurts, but it's just a fact I've got to accept. She will get tired of getting drunk and his obvious temper problem (He gets in fist fights a lot, and she told me that he got mad and her the other night and slammed an entire case of beer down in his driveway shattering glass everywhere) even though now she says, "he just needs to be tamed a little bit." If we aren't meant to be we will find our way back to each other. If not, I know that I am strong enough to move on.
Blah Toolz Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Originally posted by wolvie666 If we aren't meant to be we will find our way back to each other. If not, I know that I am strong enough to move on. Good... keep this attitude, and stick with it. It will help you get over it that much easier. It sounds like this guy has a "bad boy" image, and we all know how women are attracted to that. She thinks that if she is with him, that she can "change him," or that if he is an a**h*** to everyone, it makes the moments that they are "romantic," or together that much sweeter for her. It doesn't make much sense, but then again, women don't make much sense most of the time. Heh, just kidding by the way. I've been told this before. That she was trying to "change me," for whatever reason. If someone doesn't love you the way you are, then maybe they're not being with. Anyways, just keep moving on, bro... you sound like you're getting the right attitude. Faux is right, he knows his stuff, I think you should stop contacting her. Finding out information about her new boyfriend and thinking about that is just going to make you that much angrier, and it's unnecessary. You should be the one to start socializing now, and having her wonder. That's the attitude to have... not to get back at her, but just to better yourself.
Author wolvie666 Posted July 29, 2004 Author Posted July 29, 2004 I appreciate all the advice and I'm not feeling as bad as I thought I would be right now. Granted, I'm far from happy and still have no appetite but anyway... I'm hopeful about my future if she's in it or not. I always thought that she was the most important part of that future (and I'd still like her to be a part of it) but if she isn't then it wasn't meant to be anyway.
manofmystrey Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 hey wolvie666 The people on this thread really know what they are talking about. U are griving and it takes time for the healing to happen. But if she wants the bad image and or likes that bad boy image let her have it. Cause if this guy is the way she says he is he is going to get her into a whole lot of trouble one day and bro trust me u dont want to be around when that happens cause then she is going to bring a whole lot of bagage with her. Keep ur distance cause no matter what ur intentions are at this time she is going to take them for the worst and she will push u even further. Also u dont want to get caught up in a emotional web with her as the guy she calls when her thug gets her into trouble and then tell u that she loves him and she wants to fix him. Cause that will mess u up even more. As for the eating. well when my engagement fell apart and she told me she is with another guy and she wanted nothing to do with me i bearly ate for 3 months then i i figured i am only hurting myself and started eating again. Give it time.
Author wolvie666 Posted July 29, 2004 Author Posted July 29, 2004 Yeah I'm gonna keep my distance. Just makes me crazy seeing her anyway. I've put away all the pictures I had out and any little mementos I had around my house that reminded me of her. If anything is gonna make her miss probably the biggest thing is my not being around at all. Sure I can't get the idea of her with this other guy out of my head, but can't do anything about it anyway so... Guess she just wasn't mature enough to go all the way with this relationship. Maybe someday. Maybe not.
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