OompaLoompa Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 We are both mid 20s. Known each other for only a few weeks. This guy has some sexual kinks: talks about how thrilling it is to have sex outdoors, homemade porns of himself, girls he dated who liked being chocked...? He was sweet and cool up until I heard this and now I am seriously concerned. Run or not? Any thoughts?
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 We are both mid 20s. Known each other for only a few weeks. This guy has some sexual kinks: talks about how thrilling it is to have sex outdoors, homemade porns of himself, girls he dated who liked being chocked...? He was sweet and cool up until I heard this and now I am seriously concerned. Run or not? Any thoughts? It is not a red flag. However if you are not interested in it - run. You both are not sexually compatible. 2
TaraMaiden Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 If you're not into any of that, at all, it's fair - important - to let him know. The kind of sex you have with him would - in his eyes - probably be too 'vanilla'. Don't feel, from your PoV, pressured into doing anything you're not comfortable with, simply to please/keep him. It's not the right way to start things. Discuss this - because sexual incompatibilities are ALWAYS deal-breakers.
Author OompaLoompa Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I mean homemade porns.. really? That's pretty creepy...
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I mean homemade porns.. really? That's pretty creepy... Ugh that word... Creepy Your idea of a sexual relationship may be what you conisder as creppy to me. So to each their own.
TaraMaiden Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I mean homemade porns.. really? That's pretty creepy... Not really - Many couples also make 'home-made porn'... it's just something which turns them on.... it's not kinky, it's just a preference. TBH, I'd be more worried about the 'choking' bit....
oaks Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I mean homemade porns.. really? That's pretty creepy... If both (all?) parties that are on camera consent to being filmed (and are old enough to be able to do that legally), how is it creepy? 1
Author OompaLoompa Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I guess the only reason I am reluctant to so freely walk is that I liked him for everything else .... and a year without a boyfriend is making me a little desperate I guess ha.
Author OompaLoompa Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 Well, the only reason I said it could be creepy is that you never know what that video would be used as later if the relationship turns bitter. And if he further enjoys filiming sex secretively, who knows?, then I would be worried.
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I guess the only reason I am reluctant to so freely walk is that I liked him for everything else .... and a year without a boyfriend is making me a little desperate I guess ha. Don't do this at all. Unless you are willing to find a medium. However I am pretty sure what he has expressed to may only be a small bit. However I am more like the guy you are dating and I would rather my partner walk away in the beginning that try to conform to my likes. However if you open to trying these things but if not and really find it replusive -- walk away. 1
CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Well, the only reason I said it could be creepy is that you never know what that video would be used as later if the relationship turns bitter. And if he further enjoys filiming sex secretively, who knows?, then I would be worried. A lot of us are into some really kinky sex and, as others have said, it is fine when both partners are willing, consenting, and enjoying it. The video thing CAN be a whole other matter for the exact reason you stated. There are dozens of sites where guys (mostly) post home porn with girls they are now calling their Ex's. Usually the girls were doing it willingly, but sometimes it is filmed secretly. Knowing this about the internet, I have never allowed myself to be filmed, even in the confines of a loving relationship because YOU JUST NEVER KNOW... If all the other parts of his sexuality are concerning you, than please do not be swayed into doing something you are not 100% comfortable with. That is very important. I was a young girl (pre-internet days)who allowed guys to do all sorts of things just out of desperation and it put me in some very scary situations. Take care of yourself and the right guy FOR YOU will come along who has the same sexual make-up and interests. 2
Author OompaLoompa Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 Thanks guys for all the honest, outspoken advices. I think I'm going to discuss this really honestly with him and see where it goes (probably a deal breaker as one of you said)... #sigh# why are good guys so hard to find. Where are they, haven't seen a single one in a year gosh!
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Please explain why he's not a good guy, just because you're not compatible sexually doesn't make someone a bad person. I am pretty sure she means good guy for her.
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I almost took it personally too Don't worry I think that you are a good guy 1
CarrieT Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Please explain why he's not a good guy, just because you're not compatible sexually doesn't make someone a bad person. This is important. I've broken up with guys who were not kinky enough for me as well. There are good guys and there are GOOD GUYS FOR YOU. Hold your ground and don't try to be something you are not just to keep a guy... 1
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