edwards99 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 If I in my heart know she is the wrong person for me..there are things I dont like..and do not think I can trust her..why do I still love her and want to be with her..the thought of her with someone else drives me literally insane..how I do i just come to a realization or what..I have never been so screwed up mentally..its affecting everything in my life in a negative way...:(:(:(:(:(:(
Calico Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Is it love or obsession? Or possessiveness? Another man having what you perceive(d) as "yours". You need to sort through that mentally, which means using your mind instead of letting the emotions control you. You need to ride the waves, not drown in the ocean. Start by sorting out what exactly you miss and "need", and ponder whether it's really her, the woman, or "only" the things that you associate with her (feeling of belonging, sense of closeness, purpose, a somewhat certain future, direction, etc.). Really think about that, don't push it away because it's not what you want to think about or allow to be a possibility. 1
River Rain Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I'm sorry you're hurting. Are you holding on to the memory of what could have been? I've found that's the hardest thing to let go of; all the promises that were made...I've learned that it's not always the person, it's the lingering feelings of what could have been, plus betrayal and humiliation because of the breakup, that cause all the hurt and desire to hold on.
gamman Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Yuck! So sorry you're going through this. I know those feelings well. Ever think of making a list of the goods and bads or the compatibilities and incompatibles of her and the relationship? When the goods come up, remind yourself of the bads, too? It sucks to say, but often it's just time that let's those raw, visceral emotions -- most often fueled at their core by fear -- die down and disappear. I found that the more I looked at myself, the more I began to understand why I acted a certain way and why I was feeling what I was feeling. It helped. Not much, if at all, at first, but it has helped immensely as time goes on, and I have more time with my ex out of my life. It's scary as hell, but just let go. Take that leap. No matter how hard, how impossible it is -- JUST. LET. GO.
The dot Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Is it love or obsession? Or possessiveness? Another man having what you perceive(d) as "yours". You need to sort through that mentally, which means using your mind instead of letting the emotions control you. You need to ride the waves, not drown in the ocean. Start by sorting out what exactly you miss and "need", and ponder whether it's really her, the woman, or "only" the things that you associate with her (feeling of belonging, sense of closeness, purpose, a somewhat certain future, direction, etc.). Really think about that, don't push it away because it's not what you want to think about or allow to be a possibility. Yep, This isn't love, it's ego. The OP doesn't want to lose what he perceives as a "possession." What he needs is some serious time alone, maybe dating a few different women casually, but not being open to any relationships for at least 12 months. Maybe then he'll be in the right mental state.
Exit Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Other replies have already hit the nail on the head... eventually you come to understand that sometimes we allow the wrong things to fall under the umbrella of what we call love. Sometimes it is more ego at play, possessiveness, jealousy, approval seeking. When you get to that point of knowing someone isn't good for you and you aren't good for them, knowing that it would never have worked out, all that sort of stuff, yet you still struggle to let it go, this is something disguising itself as love.
CopingGal Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 When you get to that point of knowing someone isn't good for you and you aren't good for them, knowing that it would never have worked out, all that sort of stuff, yet you still struggle to let it go, this is something disguising itself as love. I don't agree...maybe in some cases but not all. If you do love someone, it's hard to let them go whether they are good for you or not.
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