Yeahsussu Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Something embarrassing happened just now. A few days ago I was cleaning my bookshelf and found an old letter (or at least a beginning to a letter) that I had written to my boyfriend back then who I was in a long distance relationship with, but never sent. I put it on the kitchen table, in the same pile where I have other random paper stuff like bills and newspapers. Somehow I forgot about the letter, and today when the guy I´m dating came over to my place he found the letter. Awkward!! I don´t think he read it, only the first line where it stood "Happy birthday darling" (it was apparently a birthday letter I had written). He asked me first if I had received a letter recently, and i had no clue at first was he was talking about. Then he said he found a letter in the newspaper pile (when he was just looking for a newspaper) where it stood "happy birthday darling"... Weird situation!! I just said how it was, that it was an old letter and I don´t really know how it got there. I feel so stupid!! Why didn´t i throw it away immediately! Now it feels a bit weird, and he went out for a walk. I hope I haven´t destroyed anything cause this guy I´ve been dating for over 3 months now is definately a keeper! What do you guys think?
HeldbyGravity Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I think that you would Also be suspicious if you found something like this in his house. So if he's a bit off right now, it's not his fault. And it's not your fault! It was an honest mistake to leave something old on the table or out, forget about it. I would make sure he knew the circumstances and that's really all you can do. 1
firetiger Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Without knowing much about your relationship it is hard to say. I think the worse that can happen is he starts feeling jealous. He may think that the letter you wrote expressed strong feelings and may wonder why you never felt the same way about him by writing him a letter. Then again, he may be the type of man who won't think much of it. The wisest thing to do would be to just read him the letter and tell him why you wrote it at the time. That way, you can move past it.
HeldbyGravity Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Unless of course the letter is a bit... erm, graphic. That could be awkward.
RiverRunning Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 It's painful when ex stuff starts coming up. While it's not your fault, and it's not his fault either, I hope you now start taking the time to do some house-cleaning. This nearly destroyed my relationship: partly because stuff like this just KEPT coming up, and because he refused to see things from my side and branded me irrationally jealous (didn't help that he still had contact with the ex..). The sad thing is, that's always going to be a part of our history and it's always going to affect how I look back on the relationship I've had so far. If this is where it ends, he will likely chalk it up to an 'oops' that was overlooked. After some spring cleaning, I think it's fair to invite him over and casually say, "That's been sitting there for years and I didn't even realize it. I did some house cleaning and all of that stuff is gone." No one's saying you need to torch it all - but at least put it someplace where he won't find it. I'd ask him what he thought when he found the letter. Is he suspicious that everything is still going on? He has reason to be right now - but with time and reassurance, you can get past this hurdle.
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 Thanks for your response guys. He was a bit off all yesterday, and I can understand that. When we went to bed he just said "good night" and turned his back on me, which he´s never done before, and then I just turned him around and looked him in the eyes and said that the letter is nothing he needs to worry about, it was old history that I forgot on the kitchen table. We talked about it again, and I said that it was my mistake who didn´t throw it away immediately and that I forgot about it when I was cleaning. That letter (or beginning to a letter..) was written over 2 years ago and means nothing to me anymore, I´ve now thrown it away! It was a really weird day yesterday, and this morning he apologized for "overreacting" to the letter and for hesitating in me. But I said I totally understand and I would probably react the same way if the situation was reversed. I could tell he was still a bit distant this morning, but it feels a bit better now. He just went home, and we won´t be able to see each other for 3 weeks now, so this situation yesterday came very unappropriate... It kinda left a bad mark on the whole weekend. I just hope now that this wont affect our relationship, I´ve explained the situation as best as I could, what more can I do?
MonsterMash Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Theres nothing you can do. He will either get over it or not. If it was me though, I'd be done. Simply because when you were asked about it, your first instinct was to lie. "I don't know how that got there!!" You didn't tell him the truth until you were in bed with him later that night. But if the letter was so unimportant to begin with....why lie about it?
MonsterMash Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 she told him the truth. Eventually she did. It just speaks to her character that she chose a lie first, as opposed to the truth which would have served so much better.
MonsterMash Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 did you read what she wrote? she mistakenly placed it in the kicten and forgot about it, so she didn't know how it got there. it created an awkard situation. god your a ****ing prick whod ruin a relationship for one minor honest mistake. **** you *******. Really? Bwahahahaha.
Cb3657 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 gsj Please ignore mm, he seems to try to be deliberately provokative, I would guess this is where he comes to say all the ugly things he would not otherwise say but thinks. To the OP, my wife found some things like this from a old gf early in our marriage, just completely forgot I had them, very similar response. Try to be transparent and extra careful over the next few weeks, no bar nights with the girls etc.., just a small sacrifice so he knows how you feel and that you are not cheating. 2
MonsterMash Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 youve been reported. For what? OMG....you're killing me. Hahahahahaha.
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 gsj Please ignore mm, he seems to try to be deliberately provokative, I would guess this is where he comes to say all the ugly things he would not otherwise say but thinks. To the OP, my wife found some things like this from a old gf early in our marriage, just completely forgot I had them, very similar response. Try to be transparent and extra careful over the next few weeks, no bar nights with the girls etc.., just a small sacrifice so he knows how you feel and that you are not cheating. Yes definately, I will be extra careful now for the next few weeks. I am however going on a one week trip in two weeks, but that´s with my family so he shouldn´t be worried about that. Anyway, he is the type of guy who thinks a lot, so this might bug him for a while. But there´s not really anything more I can do. Someone here asked why I didn´t tell the truth to begin with, well, at first I didn´t know what he was talking about, and when i realized it was the old letter I just didn´t remember how it ended up on the table. So I wouldn´t really say it was a lie. I was so embarrassed that I probably was a bit clumsy in my first explanation, and I got a bit nervous for some reason. But we sorted it out later that night too. But he still seemed bothered by it this morning, and unfortunately I think it will still bothere him for a while, so I really need to keep cool and extra careful now.
MonsterMash Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 gsj Please ignore mm, he seems to try to be deliberately provokative, I would guess this is where he comes to say all the ugly things he would not otherwise say but thinks. To the OP, my wife found some things like this from a old gf early in our marriage, just completely forgot I had them, very similar response. Try to be transparent and extra careful over the next few weeks, no bar nights with the girls etc.., just a small sacrifice so he knows how you feel and that you are not cheating. "Deliberately provocative?" Not hardly. I find it odd though that when someone posts a thread asking for opinions, but if the opinion isn't the one you want to hear....you mental midgets show up cause the red has been licked off your sucker. Stop being so....middle school. She found the letter. She moved the letter where it was with other papers. Boyfriend found it. She freaked out instead of saying "Yeah, its an old letter I found. It was going to the trash with the rest of the stuff there...it just hasn't made it yet." There...its done and over with. A quick glance at the letter should have immediately reminded her of its history. But she chose a different route. The "confession" in bed later that night would seem to me she had all day to come up with something better than "I don't know." In cases like this, truth doesn't matter. What matters is perception. How the boyfriend perceives the incident is a huge factor. And he will either accept it...or not. Pretty simple if you ask me.
Cb3657 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Mm your such a smart fella, and I am a metal midget so go on with your great speeches and choices, it only make sense no one can approach your level, you are wasted talking to us small folk. Op good luck hope it all works out
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 She found the letter. She moved the letter where it was with other papers. Boyfriend found it. She freaked out instead of saying "Yeah, its an old letter I found. It was going to the trash with the rest of the stuff there...it just hasn't made it yet." There...its done and over with. A quick glance at the letter should have immediately reminded her of its history. But she chose a different route. The "confession" in bed later that night would seem to me she had all day to come up with something better than "I don't know." Yes, I guess I did freak out a bit. It was a really, really awkward situation! And yes, I probably could have explained it more smootly, but I was really embarrassed and kinda in shock that he found it, cause I thought i had trown it away. I guess I´m not good at saying what I want to say in moments like this, even though this letter means nothing. I was really angry at myself and thought that this is it, now it´s over. I ruined it. But we did talk about it and I explained how it was, and this morning he apologized for "over reacting". I told him he didn´t need to apologize and that it was my fould for leaving it out like that. Even though he apologized for over reacting and not trusting me, I could tell that it still bugs him, and I understand. I will keep a low profile now.
MonsterMash Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Yes definately, I will be extra careful now for the next few weeks. I am however going on a one week trip in two weeks, but that´s with my family so he shouldn´t be worried about that. Anyway, he is the type of guy who thinks a lot, so this might bug him for a while. But there´s not really anything more I can do. Someone here asked why I didn´t tell the truth to begin with, well, at first I didn´t know what he was talking about, and when i realized it was the old letter I just didn´t remember how it ended up on the table. So I wouldn´t really say it was a lie. I was so embarrassed that I probably was a bit clumsy in my first explanation, and I got a bit nervous for some reason. But we sorted it out later that night too. But he still seemed bothered by it this morning, and unfortunately I think it will still bothere him for a while, so I really need to keep cool and extra careful now. OP....I'm not attacking you as dumb and dumber seem to believe. So I want to give you a heads up on what you're going to be dealing with. You say your BF is the thinking type. So am I, so I understand where he's coming from. I don't know if you looked at the letter when he first brought it up or not. But your biggest obstacle is the disconnect between "I don't know" and the explanation later that night. Whats really bugging him right now is if the letter truly meant nothing....then why would you be so flustered about it. It makes him think theres more to the story and he's being...cautious.
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 You say your BF is the thinking type. So am I, so I understand where he's coming from. I don't know if you looked at the letter when he first brought it up or not. But your biggest obstacle is the disconnect between "I don't know" and the explanation later that night. Whats really bugging him right now is if the letter truly meant nothing....then why would you be so flustered about it. It makes him think theres more to the story and he's being...cautious. No, I didn´t look at the letter when he first brought it up. And the letter truly ment nothing. Of course it meant something when I wrote it, but that was over 2 years ago! But now = nothing. And the reason why I´m so flustered about is because I´m just so angry at myself for such a stupid "mistake" for forgetting about the letter and leaving it out, even though it means nothing, I just think it was very unappropriate by me. He said later that night that he wants to be with me, only if I don´t want to be with someone else. And I said that he shouldn´t worry about that, I want him and only him! I´ve never been in a situation like this and it kinda freaked me out I guess.
mesmerized Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 did you read what she wrote? she mistakenly placed it in the kicten and forgot about it, so she didn't know how it got there. it created an awkard situation. god your a ****ing prick whod ruin a relationship for one minor honest mistake. **** you *******. He is not a prick. He's insecure.
Author Yeahsussu Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 He is not a prick. He's insecure. I can tell he´s still a bit.... distant. We chatted a little bit on facebook when he got home to his place. But just a few sentences and he never replied to what i wrote, which is a bit off. So, apparently he´s not really OK even though he says it´s ok. In my opinion he´s blowing this out of proportion, but what can i do, I´ve explained the situation. I guess he´s worried that I have something going on, which I don´t, and since his ex of 10 years cheated on him...
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