Just smile Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Here's the story. He contacted me Thursday after one week of NC . I caved last night saw him, we slept together had a wonderful night,and this morning and he looked at me,and said nothing's changed, I love you, but I can't give u what's need and I don't ever see this working... I think we should forget each other and have no contact at all. I feel shattered...I'm broke. I feel so stupid. I have chest pains and feel numb,
moveONorStay Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 This guy sounds like a complete clown. What he is doing is verging on emotional abuse. He is using you. You need to do whatever it takes to leave him behind and never look back. 1
Author Just smile Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I don't know why he's doing this to me.
Calico Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Sorry, this happened. It puzzles me how quick people are to sleep together again when an ex drops a few breadcrumbs successfully, but it seems to be rather common, so don't beat yourself up over it. He wanted to know if he still "had" you, wanted the sex, and when he got all that and had it confirmed, the "interest" was gone again. He's a jerk, and he took what he was offered. The good news about this? Now you know without a doubt what he's like and that there is no future. Stop this right here, don't fall into the same situation like another woman on this forum who has been doing this for months, because it's totally self-destructive and highly toxic for you. There is nothing you can do right now but to really look at this as a lesson and use the clarity this painful situation provides to move forward. Focus on the positive aspects of what happened here and use those to your advantage. Feeling stupid doesn't get you anywhere. It happened, it's done, and yes, it was a mistake, but it makes no difference to dwell on that -- because you can't change it now. You CAN make sure it doesn't happen again and you CAN go back to NC and work toward being done with him, REALLY done, this time.
Vikki_26 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I dont know the answer, im in same scenario 2.5 months on. He hasnt said no contact to me though, just one day.
Bahndrvr Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I don't know why he's doing this to me. he's not doing it to you, the whole point of this is he is selfish and not a very good person, so he is only thinking of himself and what he wants right now. He is not putting your thoughts anywhere in the picture, and if he is, it is that you would feel lucky to be with him right now. His frame of mind, and yours are not on the same page, sorry:( Sad thing is I would love to have one more chance with my woman, I still think we will get back together but that is the sucker in me that has had an absolutely perfect couple of years. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but you are doing good by reaching out right now, trust me, it makes me feel better and it will do the same for you. I've been readign here for a long time, but I just signed up because I felt taht I could learn and help others on here.
Calico Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I don't know why he's doing this to me. He isn't doing this to you. You are doing it to yourself. You answered, you let him into your bed. Not blaming you, just hoping to snap you out of feeling powerless and viewing yourself as a victim of another person's decisions. It's not the case, he didn't force you. You had a choice in this, and you will have a choice again when he tries this again. Choose differently the next time, you have more knowledge and experience now. Bad choices happen, it's part of life. You didn't know. Now you do. And that's what's good about this situation.
Author Just smile Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 He held me all night. Woke up and looked at me and proceeded to tell me..nothing's changed. You have to accept it.All while he got dressed to go out to have a day with his buddy, business as usual.. I was baffled.i couldn't move. My chest is killing me.i have kids to care for ,and I'm sitting here just unable to move,or breath. I feel self destructive. I'm smoking, drinking do all things I don't normally do. I just keep crying,
Calico Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I feel self destructive. I'm smoking, drinking do all things I don't normally do. Then stop doing that. Yes, you can. Especially stop drinking! Alcohol is a depressant, so you'll feel even lower and more depressed because of the substance. Alcohol is a lose-lose thing when you feel this way. He won't feel sorry for you, even if he saw you destroying yourself like this, so there is no point in any of that. There is ALSO no point in hurting yourself because of another person's decision to not want you, or because of his insensitive, selfish behaviour. Those things don't say anything about YOU, they don't make you worth less. It's all about him and you're making something your own that isn't yours. What DOES say something about you is how you react and how you handle this, and you have full control over that. So, do something for yourself that says something about yourself: STOP drinking. Right now. No excuses, simply stop. 1
RAN65 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 (edited) He held me all night. Woke up and looked at me and proceeded to tell me..nothing's changed. You have to accept it.All while he got dressed to go out to have a day with his buddy, business as usual.. /QUOTE] You should have put your knees in his b**ls when he said it. He wouln't dare to do this to any one. Maintain absolute NC. You should not think of him, why should you ? have the self confidence in you that you will prosper in future. Best of luck for your great future. Edited October 6, 2012 by RAN65
Bahndrvr Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I feel lost. hey I do too, but as of right now, I'm getting up from behind the computer, and going outside to do something, Anything to keep my mind occupied, you should try it too:) The day has to start and end, it has a beginning and an end, depending on where you are, go to bed, or get up nd start doing stuff:) Baby steps.
TaraMaiden Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Why did he do it? because he can. gather up all your reserves, stand up straight, breathe deep, throw your head back and Go No Contact, stay No Contact - and please - harsh as it amy sound - quit being a push-over and an easy lay, simply because he throws you breadcrumbs. he's using you for what he can get. Notice he didn't tell you this - "..nothing's changed, I love you, but I can't give u what's need and I don't ever see this working... I think we should forget each other and have no contact at all." before he splayed your legs and parked his pecker.... The Jammy schytt was the one to break NC - and then he has the gall to tell you "We should have no contact at all..." - ?!? Pour itching powder in his bed, and in his clothes drawers.... Put cling-wrap/film on the lavatory pan. Hide fresh prawns in his room. Put jello in his shoes. Set an alarm clock to three am and hide it in the room somewhere.... Then go No Contact and never, ever let him break it again. Delete, block, deny, ignore.
Author Just smile Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 He left a message saying he should of never contacted me no matter how wonderful it was he says he will never find anyone like me ever he said no one will live him like me he said he doesn't want to be in a relationship he is unwilling to try he saidit will never work. He told me move on how? He said if its meant to be it will be. He told me to not call or contact him. I really ****ed up this time and I doubt I will get over this. We live in a small town Ed cross paths all the time what am I supposed to ???
TaraMaiden Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Blank him off like some fetid smelly wretched rat. Because that's what he is. It's all Bullschytt. he's saying sweet things but acting like a complete and total Bar-steward. AND YOU'RE LETTING THIS GET TO YOU - ?! Quit being a victim. Stop it, now, don't sound like a weakened wuss; You can survive this - and you will.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Sucks it happened, but use this as an opportunity to cut all ties. You know what he wants and it's not what you want. Show some backbone here. Plus, do you really want to be with a person who will use you in this manner?
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Same thing happened to me, 1 slight difference, maybe worse?!?!? She called, we talked, she came over and we had sex, well sort of. Half way through she stopped me and said this "didn't feel right". She spoke about how she missed being held by me, but couldn't be in a relationship. Almost like it felt right, but she was fighting it. The next day she texted me a couple of times, then called to say "she can't talk to or see me again". I'm sorry to hear your story! I can empathize. Unfortunately we are back to square 1. All if any progress we made is out the window. I know how you felt "if he sees me it'll be different, he'll know/understand he wants to be with me", and that didn't work. Almost like "if that didn't make him realize, what will?!?". I'm sorry again but back to NC I think is the only option. You can't let him use you as a comfort pillow. Either he says "leaving you was the biggest mistake ever, I want you back" or it's all breadcrumbs and needs to be ignored. I won't do it again, and if you do you'll lose all your progress, don't diminish your self worth! I'm so sorry
geegirl Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 You've thought him to treat you this way. Everytime you've let him in even after he's displayed bad behavior, he walks in because he knows you'll allow it. No boundaries or self-respect on your part. You asked why did he do it to you? He didn't? You did it to yourself knowing his pattern and knowing that he can't give you what you want, you let him in. You hope everytime you have contact something will change. Maybe blissful sex will change his mind. Sex is sex to him. Sex is love to you. He's a scumbag. He knows he can't give you what you want yet he sleeps with you knowing how you feel and then cuts you at the knees? User. Abuser. A man that loves you will leave you alone and let you heal because he has your best interest at heart. He'll let you go because he knows he can't give you what you want I hope you remember this and never let him in again.
Author Just smile Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I know it's my fault I do. But it doesn't make it better or stop the pain. Im hurting worse than ever imaginable. Anti want and need it to stop. Foolishly want him to want me. Heis toying with me.and I know I'm allowing it because I miss him so very much. I think he will do this again. I'm weak.and need help. I seriously need help. Have lost who I am I lost me.
TaraMaiden Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 You know what's good? What's good is that you recognise this mess for what it is. You recognise you've hit rock bottom. The only problem is now, to stop you digging further. You really do have to find a way of gathering your strength and getting out of this self-destructive cycle. Otherwise he will call you again. he will f.uc.k you again. and he will kick you while you're weak and receptive. Again. Are you looking forward to that? Is this what you're now waiting for? What you're setting yourself up for? Is this your next move? To curl up into a foetal mess, whimpering, until you hear him whistle, and call you over for another pounding? Decide. Decide now, otherwise....? This pain you feel? Double it, and then some.
Author Just smile Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 Im already in a fetal mess I'm totally ****ed up
TaraMaiden Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Oh cut it out now. Enough's enough. we get you're shattered but you're not dead yet, so stop with the self-pity. What are you going to do to implement damage limitation? What have you decided to do about this? Come on, woman....!
lil hoodlum Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 He did this because he doesn't respect you. He has shown himself to be selfish and immature. Question is, do you respect yourself? I am not bagging on you, I know it is hard when your self esteem is in the gutter. But listen, I don't know you, however, you are a beautiful person and deserve to be treated with respect and some day you will meet someone who both loves you for who you are and will respect you as a person. You need to believe in that. This guy is not that person. He is toxic to you. Walk away from this situation and look forward to the day when things will work out for you!
Calico Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Im already in a fetal mess I'm totally ****ed up Did you stop drinking?
Author Just smile Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 Nope I have not.tonight I feel self destructive and yes oh yes do I feel sorry for myself and I don't give a ****. I'm ****ing angry and so ****ing sad it is consuming And unbearable.... He is so ****ing callous. I believe he is toying with me. Using me? I have no idea. I can't even thnk. Can't eat. Haven't slept right In a solid week. I know I need to be on board for my family. I'm smart. But for some reason I can't gather my rationality here . I can't even move. I HAVE NEVER EVER FELT THIS BAD. Never. He made love to me. Slept with me and wrapped his arms around me all night and when I woke up he wasn't In bed, he was awake and waiting to tell me nothing has changed. He got off and I agreed yes.i took total part in the wonderful sex and now I'm paying the price .i would pay money for a quick fix for this... It really blows.i can't hold nothing in my stomach andninfeel and look horrible. Yep I'm a crybaby. And no, can't help it.
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