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brain usually wins, but every now and then my heart wakes up


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Posted

ive been single for 2 ish years now. i had one 6 year relationship and thats it. logically, i dont have time for a relationship now (horrendous amounts of college work, ill parent). i know logically im still not ready for a relationship either.

 

but every now and then (like today) i wake up in an AWFUL mood, cant concentrate on anything apart from being alone. ive had a fair few offers over the 2 years, but i just havent had even a simple basic interest in the guys in question and have never pursued anything. i still think back to when my ex and i got together and how perfect it all appeared to be. even though i cant stand him now, which i dont understand.

 

about 80% per cent of the time im happy alone. but theres the sneaky 20% that finds its way in here and there, even when im busy, and literally destroys my mood. not triggered by anything, it just seems to appear. i had a relationship-related dream about a week ago thats been playing on my mind a little bit, but this doesnt always trigger these kinds of thoughts.

 

i dont know what im asking really, people around me dont see me as the type of person to talk about this kind of stuff so i dont. i guess im just wondering if anyone can suggest anything i can do to help myself? or is this normal? even if you only have the smallest thing to say id appreciate your views. thank you.

Posted

how many nice shoes you have, how great job you have, how many good friends you have.....

can it be compared to the moment when a guy is running his fingers through your hair, looks at you in the eye, say you are beautiful and kiss on your forehead followed by a big hug?

 

Find the Man!

Posted (edited)

I know how you feel with sucky timing. My dad had just died when I got my first boyfriend. Odd enough, it was what I needed at the time- someone to talk to, someone to focus on other than myself, someone who cared about me so much. So I dunno, are you sure there will be a "right" time? Feel it out, you'll know if you just can't pass up a connection, and if you tell them the circumstances, you could just go real slow. No relationship is perfect, though the line between perfect and Good disappears when we look back in hindsight. I was positively NUMB when my ex reached out to me, but we just kept the relationship stress-free and it worked. You though are the best judge of your own "readiness".

 

Even in your mind is busy right now, you gotta give your heart a chance to speak. If you let it all build up, all that negative emotion, you're gonna be more likely to fall off the radar and get lost for a little while. Then again, we all deal with stress differently! Just make sure you can find an outlet for the stress. Like make sure you exercise weekly, it helps to get happy-hormones going throughout your body, acts as a mood stabilizer. Do things you love to do. Vent in a journal or to a friend. If you are getting an outlet for all of your emotions, Then I would say let your heart wake up a little and sneak on over.

 

What you're going through is completely normal given the circumstances. Life can't be all Happy, I'm Ready and Sunshine, you know? Sometimes we need to work through our own issues before we enter other people's lives, and sometimes we have another person who just sneaks in to help us.

Edited by HeldbyGravity
  • Author
Posted
how many nice shoes you have, how great job you have, how many good friends you have.....

can it be compared to the moment when a guy is running his fingers through your hair, looks at you in the eye, say you are beautiful and kiss on your forehead followed by a big hug?

 

Find the Man!

 

thanks for answering. i do see your point, however i have no idea where i should find this person. nobody im meeting is sparking any interest, regardless of how attractive or intelligent or nice they appear to be.

 

im in college but everyone is alot younger than me (younger than my little brother). i dont have time for any interests/ activities. if i get approached in the street it is generally by men about 10 years older than me, i have been there and bought the tshirt and wont do it again.

 

i guess it just feels like a lost cause.

  • Author
Posted
I know how you feel with sucky timing. My dad had just died when I got my first boyfriend. Odd enough, it was what I needed at the time- someone to talk to, someone to focus on other than myself, someone who cared about me so much. So I dunno, are you sure there will be a "right" time? Feel it out, you'll know if you just can't pass up a connection, and if you tell them the circumstances, you could just go real slow. No relationship is perfect, though the line between perfect and Good disappears when we look back in hindsight. I was positively NUMB when my ex reached out to me, but we just kept the relationship stress-free and it worked. You though are the best judge of your own "readiness".

 

Even in your mind is busy right now, you gotta give your heart a chance to speak. If you let it all build up, all that negative emotion, you're gonna be more likely to fall off the radar and get lost for a little while. Then again, we all deal with stress differently! Just make sure you can find an outlet for the stress. Like make sure you exercise weekly, it helps to get happy-hormones going throughout your body, acts as a mood stabilizer. Do things you love to do. Vent in a journal or to a friend. If you are getting an outlet for all of your emotions, Then I would say let your heart wake up a little and sneak on over.

 

What you're going through is completely normal given the circumstances. Life can't be all Happy, I'm Ready and Sunshine, you know? Sometimes we need to work through our own issues before we enter other people's lives, and sometimes we have another person who just sneaks in to help us.

 

really good answer, thank you.

 

its not so much that im automatically saying no to people because its the wrong time, just the people im meeting do nothing at all for me. i think the 'no time' thing has been a good excuse for being alone this far but perhaps like you say maybe there isnt a right time.

 

my ex, i tried to make it work since we split up but we're just not the same people as we used to be. i think theres too much water under our bridge but it does work for some people.

 

totally get what you're saying about finding an outlet and thats actually really helpful. i dont think im helping myself by not taking the pressure off now and again. i guess work and studying arent natural things but relationships are, so while im trying to sort my future out, the subconscious part of me is pointing towards finding someone to share life with.

 

i certainly do hope someone comes along but i guess ive lost hope after 2 years. ive got alot done in the two years but i suppose on my death bed would any of these acheivements really matter.

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