MySweetie'sGone Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Was/am dating a great guy, besides the pattern of disrespect that has evolved over the past month. We're both 25. Relationship was great until he had to move 30 minutes away. Suddenly I saw him less, but he would make trips to my side of town to hang out with his guys. Now, that's not disrespectful, I can understand that. But he also began to call and text less, didn't respond to me. Would sometimes disappear on me for like a day then call and text the next day like nothing happened or break a date and show up with an excuse the next day. he parties a lot, I do not as I'm in law school and slightly more mature. I do however feel that I am partially to blame because due to his behavior I began to verbally question and doubt his feelings for me. Things came to a head this week when we got into an argument VIA TEXT, but it wasn't even really an argument. Then he goes to twitter and starts subtweeting me and texting me at the same time although I was trying to be nice and joke around with him. He works late so I missed his call the next night. We didnt text the next day until right before he went in to work (he usually sleeps all day), but he didnt call when he got off. The next day I called twice and texted him normally, but he ignored me all day. I told him it was the second anniversary of my aunt's death and I was kind of down. No response. THen I go on instagram and see that after he got off work at about 3 he went out with one of his boys...and had his phone with him. After I saw that I texted him this long message saying that I shouldnt be chasing after him, Im a good catch and that if he cant see that or doesnt want to allow me to be there for him, there's nothing I can do to change that. Then I go, you couldve told me you were through (which Ive sent before and he says Im being silly." the next day when he wakes up he texts me "R u ok." I guess in reference to my aunt and he completely ignores the long message. It is going on the second day and I have still not responded bc he has not called me and he usually follows up if I dont reply. I have stayed off of social networks. He has not been on twitter either, and he usually tweets constantly. This is so silly. Im not playing games, but he has to see that he cant treat me this way and expect me to stay. Idk what to do. Everyone tells me ignore his message and wait him out, but I dont want to. I miss him. But at the same time, Im afraid that if I reach out he may ignore me again. But idk if he's doing the same thing or thinks im extremely pissed and have ended with him because of the text i sent. What do I do? this is so unnecessary.
TaraMaiden Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Poor communication, lack of respect, degree of distrust.... End it. You're not in love with him, you're in love with something you wish he could be, you're hanging on, because you're kinda desperate. I don't think he's in your league; you're in law school (and slightly more mature'... patronising as that sounds, i think intellectually, it may be accurate....) What does he do? is he studying? It doesn't matter. he's not 'permanent' material. you have studies to focus on. Given that my own husband took a Law degree, I know you need to be focused. Focus on what matters. Your future. The heart, in the end, will, sort itself out. but this guy? I don't see it as a long-running relationship.
HeldbyGravity Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Was/am dating a great guy, besides the pattern of disrespect that has evolved over the past month. We're both 25. Relationship was great until he had to move 30 minutes away. Suddenly I saw him less, but he would make trips to my side of town to hang out with his guys. Now, that's not disrespectful, I can understand that. But he also began to call and text less, didn't respond to me. Would sometimes disappear on me for like a day then call and text the next day like nothing happened or break a date and show up with an excuse the next day. he parties a lot, I do not as I'm in law school and slightly more mature. I do however feel that I am partially to blame because due to his behavior I began to verbally question and doubt his feelings for me. Things came to a head this week when we got into an argument VIA TEXT, but it wasn't even really an argument. Then he goes to twitter and starts subtweeting me and texting me at the same time although I was trying to be nice and joke around with him. He works late so I missed his call the next night. We didnt text the next day until right before he went in to work (he usually sleeps all day), but he didnt call when he got off. The next day I called twice and texted him normally, but he ignored me all day. I told him it was the second anniversary of my aunt's death and I was kind of down. No response. THen I go on instagram and see that after he got off work at about 3 he went out with one of his boys...and had his phone with him. After I saw that I texted him this long message saying that I shouldnt be chasing after him, Im a good catch and that if he cant see that or doesnt want to allow me to be there for him, there's nothing I can do to change that. Then I go, you couldve told me you were through (which Ive sent before and he says Im being silly." the next day when he wakes up he texts me "R u ok." I guess in reference to my aunt and he completely ignores the long message. It is going on the second day and I have still not responded bc he has not called me and he usually follows up if I dont reply. I have stayed off of social networks. He has not been on twitter either, and he usually tweets constantly. This is so silly. Im not playing games, but he has to see that he cant treat me this way and expect me to stay. Idk what to do. Everyone tells me ignore his message and wait him out, but I dont want to. I miss him. But at the same time, Im afraid that if I reach out he may ignore me again. But idk if he's doing the same thing or thinks im extremely pissed and have ended with him because of the text i sent. What do I do? this is so unnecessary. Long distance is something that may not be able to work unless two people REALLY put in the effort to see each other and talk to each other. If one of these people wasn't big on texting in the first place, I can imagine they wouldn't suddenly start texting when the relationship turned long distance, but if they were, that's not a good sign- unless he has a viable excuse to be busy. I was always taught though that if you love someone, you Make time for them, you know? All of this is stressing you out big time, it's not something you need. Did you two talk about how the increased distance would affect you before he moved? Did you decide on things like when you could both drop by to see each other? Also, text is a horrible way to show discontentment. You can't see a person's face, nor hear their tone. I think talking to him about all of this in person may be beneficial, if you want to make it work.
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