emotionsickness Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 This is very long. I apologize in advance. History: My ex and I went to high school together and shared one class. We never hung out, though, but over the years I have kept the senior picture he gave me and he kept a drawing I had made for him. When we were together, he also admitted to remembering small details about me in high school after nearly ten years since graduation. We ran in to each other last year - he's a waiter and recognized me when my family and I came in to eat. We befriended each other on Facebook but nothing ever really happened. One day he posted about having a spare zoo ticket and I commented that I'd like to go. However, when the day came I was sick and so we didn't get together. Months passed until earlier this summer I went to his restaurant with my friend and he was there. We sort of re-touched bases, exchanged numbers, and a few days later we met up for dinner. We spent about 3 hours in the restaurant, talking and laughing before watching a movie at his place. About a week passed before we had that awkward 'so what're we doing here?' conversation. We then decide to become 'official'. Things were great. We both admitted that it was the best, easiest relationship either of us had ever had. He talked about the future and marriage before I had even really thought of either one. I was the first girl he ever said 'I love you' to. Then it all went south. My parents basically threw me out and he agreed to let me stay with him until I found another place. This turned in to him telling me to just stay - and I agreed to it only after asking him repeatedly if he was sure. He'd never lived with a girlfriend before, and his apartment was only one room and he had lived in the same place for over 4 years by himself. I thought things were going great but he started expressing doubts pretty quickly. I asked him to let me unpack and really give it a chance. Well from the day I moved in, things just weren't the same until he eventually broke up with me a little over a month ago. Unfortunately, it took me a month to find another place to live (I'm on disability so financially speaking it was next to impossible) and finally move out. During that month, though, we still talked and laughed and watched movies together. We didn't go out or hang out or anything but there wasn't any fighting - and we had never fought while we were together, either. I made sure to keep my emotions in check and didn't let him see or hear me cry while I was still there. The night before I moved out, I gave him this small box with a bracelet I had made him, a CD, and a 'goodbye' letter. The box idea came from the fact he had told me he would probably box up all my notes and letters and wouldn't throw them away (I liked to write him letters - mostly just small 'thinking of you' notes or cards). I thought it'd be kind of cute / ironic if I gave him the box to put my stuff in. I moved out on Sept. 22nd, which was very difficult for me because it would have been our 5 month anniversary. I contacted him that following Monday about coming to pick up something I'd forgotten and saw him briefly that Tuesday. He had re-arranged the entire apartment. However, the small box he was originally keeping my notes and cards in still had them in there, and the small bear I had gotten him for his birthday was still on the nightstand. I made it through not contacting him at all until a week ago, when it was raining. We both loved the rain so I texted him to see if he was enjoying it as much as I was. He texted me as soon as he was off work. After a text or two, I asked him if he wanted to go do something if his schedule worked out but never got a reply. The next day I texted him asking if he had gotten his schedule and he said he had and this week was crazy. I half believed him because I know they're really short handed, but never got a reply when I asked if he really -did- want to do something maybe on a day when he didn't work a double. So I sent him a message on FB, asking if maybe it was too soon or if he was just trying to be nice even though he didn't want to. He said it was too soon and his schedule really was crazy and that maybe in a week or two we could see. Current Situation: I made it until yesterday without contacting him at all, where I sent him an e-mail basically saying that I agreed that breaking up was the right thing to do given the circumstances and how neither of us really had any time or space for ourselves and that we moved too fast and he wasn't ready for that type of step so quickly. I then told him I had prayed and thought and talked about it and that I wanted him back. I understood we were broken up but I wanted to try again with a clean slate. Not going back and changing Facebook statuses but just going on a few dates and seeing what happens. I told him that I was living my life and making changes and everything but I didn't want to hope if there wasn't anything to hope for. If he wasn't interested at all then ok and I hope things work out for him. Or if he is interested but it's too soon then I'll respect that. But I wasn't gonna wait around forever (I said it nicer than that). I then 'officially' asked him out at the end of the letter. I sent it yesterday. I have no idea if he'll even respond. He's already broken up with me and 'threw' me out so I'm not sure what the point would be of him either lying to me or beating around the bush. My main worry and fear is that, a few days before I moved out, he met up with this female friend of his he has known for awhile. They both liked each other at one point in time. He told me the date went 'ok' and I've seen no evidence that they have seen each other since then - he was having people over a few days after I left and when I texted him that first time and asked about it, he said she hadn't been invited. He's never been one to not just come out and say something, so my hope is that he was honest about it being too soon and that if he really DID want to not see me again, he would've said something. Not to mention that, if he re-arranged his whole apartment, wouldn't he have boxed up the stuff I gave him - especially the bear right by his nightstand - when he moved his furniture around? I just can't keep holding on if there's nothing to hold on to. We're still FB friends, but I deleted his number from my phone and boxed up all the stuff that reminded me of him / stuff I had of his / gifts he gave me and put it in my closet. He didn't break up with me because of 'me' - it was the circumstances. Part of me thinks that it is what it is and that he really did just feel overwhelmed and needed his space back and just needs some time. But then again, who knows? Thank you if you read all of that, haha. Thoughts? Opinions? I don't plan on contacting him again - no matter what - because the e-mail said what I needed to say and I don't want to push or pressure him. I want to respect him and give him the space he needs. Plus he knows how impatient I am so I'm hoping by not having texted him multiple times a day since I moved out, it'll be in my favor.
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