lisap1971 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Im a 40 year old woman, recently divorced (april), and I have two children. I have had 2 extremely long crappy relationships in the past 22 years and this whole "dating" thing is really new to me. Ive been dating a man that I met on Plenty of Fish for just over 2 months, we text/talk daily, we see each other once or twice a week. I have never had a man treat me the way he does, make me smile the way he does, wine & dine me the way he does, and even kiss me the way he does. We have a great time together and we really enjoy spending time with each other. He has met my sister & her bf, my cousin, and some of my close friends, but I have yet to meet any of his........I know there is definitely a connection here, but we haven't really had "the talk" about where we are in the relationship. I have since canceled my POF acct (not because of him, for other personal reasons) and sadly **hanging my head in shame** I do search on POF to see if he is online and YES he is online DAILY! After 2 months I want to know where we stand, as a couple, if we are a couple, or what is going on. I did start to mention my feelings for him, and I do feel a lot for him, I think im actually falling in love with him, he didnt say much back to me, but he did smile and caressed my face and then passionately kissed me.........I guess I just need to know if im wasting my time or if there is a potential for something to be of us. Im scared to ask because im not sure if its "too soon" and im more terrified that he will get freaked out and not see me anymore. Any thoughts?? Id love to hear from Men as well as this may help me understand the mind of a man a little more clearly.......lol
Silly_Girl Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 My thoughts. 1. It's not 'too soon' if you're asking these things. So ask him! 2. You don't need to get 'insight from the mind of a man', if you don't like his behaviour that's what matters. 3. Daily visits on his part seems strange. Could he be going on to check you? 4. There are (sorry!) plenty more fish in the sea. Maybe he'll make a great benchmark by which to measure an even better guy
Divasu Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 You've posted the same thread elsewhere... My advice is the same. He's still actively dating/looking, so, any conversation you have about "where you stand", will most likely send him running. Your next step, is to do nothing.
Author lisap1971 Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 Thanks silly_girl - hes def not checking on me because I deleted my account, was kinda getting stalked by this man who kept emailing me to go out with him and I never responded to his msgs........he just happened to come to my job one day (not knowing I worked there) and questioned me about it and it creeped me out so I deleted my account Divasu - Yes I did post in other forums, I just joined this today and wasnt sure if I should have posted it in those forums so I figured it was worth it to post in others. lol Not sure I can just do nothing. I guess Id rather know now than later, the hurt now will sting less than later. I too have been on other dates with other men, but found the entire time I thought about him, nothing so far has compared to him, not in the least. ugh this is so difficult
Divasu Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Yes I did post in other forums No I meant on here.. Breath woman! All I am saying is that I don't think he is at the stage that you are and if you bring up a heavy topic it may backfire. But honestly --- you don't know each other all that well, so just keep dating and keep things light.
Author lisap1971 Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 lol, I know, UGH........I do need to breathe........youre probably right, I should just go with the flow and keep it light, its just really difficult as I am falling IN LOVE with him....this is all new to me....in 22 years, i only had 2 very very long, very very crappy relationships with maybe a 1 year break of being single in between....This guy is so totally different from them, he is genuine, nice, sweet, a caring person, & a true gentleman, not those stupid badboys that I wasted 22 years of my life with. Im in an entirely new place here, and I like it and I dont want to loose it, but I also dont want to waste my time either....ya know... Im so freakin confused and this wine is just not helping me, lol
Divasu Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Oh god, stay away from the wine. It's probably because you had two "very crappy" relationships, and this guy comes along who you've built up in your mind as Mr. Perfect. So of course all your hopes fill up like a balloon and now you have twinkley stars in your eyes. I think a true gentlemen would be a bit more forthcoming to dating other people. Not that there is anything wrong with his desire to want to date other women at this stage, if that's what he wants to do.
Author lisap1971 Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 hahahaha, I SHOULD stay away from the wine, especially while posting in forums, especially a topic that has me soooo confused! lol again, you are right......This whole dating thing just is sooo new to me....I met jerko #1 and 10 years later it ended, I dated noone else, then I met jerko #2 and 12 years later that ended. I wanted to try this dating thing out and I have been since March. Ive been on some great dates, some good dates, and some horrible dates....dating is freakin hard, lol.......I am seeing him tomorrow evening and I cannot wait to see him, to hug him, to kiss him and to have a great time with him................But.........I also have a date with someone else on Sunday which should be fun, we've been out before and had fun, even with me thinking about the other one......im trying to rule out the fact that I dont like being single, that im rushing into something with him, and that I truly do like this guy......maybe im just my own worst enemy
Divasu Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 im trying to rule out the fact that I dont like being single, that im rushing into something with him, and that I truly do like this guy......maybe im just my own worst enemy You could be onto something. My rule of gauging interest in someone has been when I've enjoyed being single and you meet someone who makes you NOT want to be single. Trust me when I say when a guy is really into you and is open to something beyond casual he won't want to let you go and will do everything in his power to be with you, and only you. Anything short of that is either the timing is off, he's not crazy about you, he isn't at "that" stage yet. So, you can see why pressuring him with heavy talks may be counterproductive. I'm not suggesting you not be true to yourself and keep mum, if you feel as though you've fallen in love with him and he's still actively pursuing other woman, pretending your alright with it IS lying to yourself. You can't always help who you fall in love with but you can try to go into it with a more logical realistic mindset and make sure you know all the facts before investing too much of yourself emotionally. Have fun on your date (both dates, didn't realize you were dating others as well). Given the circumstances it makes sense. You can tell him you have an inkling that he's still actively dating others and that it may be a good idea for you to both date others until you're a bit further along with one another and feel that there is a potential for something deeper.
Author lisap1971 Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 wow, I shouldnt have drank wine last night and posted, but you know what, IM glad I did....Im normally not one to discuss my issues out in the open but it was great that I did, you really hit some good points and I thank you. Im still going to say something tonight, just casually and see. Im not the type of person to tip toe around people and i prefer blunt honesty instead of being in limbo....maybe it will backfire, maybe it wont, but I look at it this way, if he is into me as much as I am into him, then great for us both, If not, then it wasnt meant to be no matter what im feeling for him, I cant make him fall in love with me if it isnt there, so why continue to waste each others time, right??
Author lisap1971 Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 well I asked him.....I just blurted it out, I didnt mean for it to come out the way it did but I did ask.........He said he is NOT dating anyone else, he feels the same way about me, there def is potential with us for a future, and he felt terrible that I was concerned about it. I didnt ask about him going online yet tho. I dont want to look like a stalker!! LOL Im so relieved and happy
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