NavyAirTraffic Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I'm not technically looking for advice, I know I'm doing 90% of what I need to, this is more of a rant. We met online, there was instant chemistry between us. I'm 33 and her 25, we moved FAST, within a week I met her kid, two weeks later they moved into my home. She's a struggling student/part time worker, living in a tiny 1 bedroom apt with her kid, I make just under $100k, live in a good neighborhood 3 bed house. We talked about marriage, she wanted to have my child (even tried for a month), she told me she loved me after 1.5 months. I want those things, I want a family, I loved coming home to them, it made me feel loved/important. I did everything for them, I'd take her and her kid shopping, out to dinner, I removed the word "no" from my vocabulary for them. We never fought, everything was perfect, we got along so well. I saw everything I wanted in her. One day (2weeks ago) she went out with her friends, came home slept in my bed and when I walked her out in the morning she turned and said "you are an amazing man, you're so good to me" 3 hours later I received a text saying "you are an amazing man, I can't do this to you, I can't be with you, I want to be single". Literally from perfect to over!!! Later that day she has a profile on a dating site looking for all of the qualities that I posses, exept being a cowboy. She says in the profile I would like to meet a cowboy. She wanted to see me a week later, and we did, but the next day she said she couldn't see/talk to me anymore. Now 1 week 100% NC. WTF, this hurts so bad!! Especially because there were no signs, she always said (till the last day) "I'm never letting you go, you make me feel so loved". I'm trying to move on, I try to remember the bad, and there is very very little of that. It was so sudden my heart and brain just can't compute what just happened. I fell hard for her and now my heart is on fire!! I will remain 100% NC, I know she made this decision and nothing I say will bring her back. She wants to be single and I just moved out here so I have literally zero friends, they were all that I had now ripped away. Again this is just a rant, I know I need to start moving on but how can somebody just give up on something so perfect? Sorry everyone, that was long I know, I am always on the verge of tears and want to break everything I see.
KatZee Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I'll just add my two cents on the situation, not really advice since you're not looking for that anyway... I hope you can see at this point that this relationship went WAY too quickly. Relationships that take off like this aren't based on anything real. This isn't love. And as quickly as they take off, they fizzle right out. That's because there's no real stability or foundation there. I know that it probably felt amazing since there was that "instant connection" but that's not real. You can't base anything off initial attraction or infatuation, it's what comes after that, and it seems you both just got caught up in this crazy rush. I'm not sure I know too many people that would move in a woman and her kid after two weeks of dating, to me that just sounds utterly absurd. I also am not quite sure how you feel you want to have someone's kid after a month. I know you see this as "perfect" but there is nothing perfect about this situation. It seems almost sick how fast this went, from 0-150 in 2.5 seconds. It was all an illusion. It seems to be a crazy sense of codependency, or she just wanted to be in a relationship but didn't matter with who. Take it slow the next time around. DATE the person. That means see them once or twice a week max for a little while. Find out each others passions, likes, dislikes, court... there's no rush to life and no reason you need to be proposing a marriage after a couple months. 2
Author NavyAirTraffic Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I DON'T disagree with the fact that it went/started fast. We often spoke about how fast it was going, we were aware of it, but it just felt right. I see what you're saying about it fizzling out because of the speed of everything (at least on her end), but I never wavered. I cared more and more for her everyday. I know stuff happens, I can't control how people feel. However, I'm not new to dating and have never felt what I felt with her before. Maybe I do need advice, was it just a roller coaster ride for her and it's now over, no feelings left behind? Should I just chalk this up to craziness, and the hurt I feel is not real? Again I know it was fast, but I utterly adored her from day 1.
Divasu Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I want to be single She couldn't tell you that from the getgo? I'm sorry you are hurting but to go from that, to "I want to be single" when there was clearly no wrong doing on your part, is absurd. Later that day she has a profile on a dating site looking for all of the qualities that I posses, exept being a cowboy. She says in the profile I would like to meet a cowboy. Gee her feelings change pretty quickly. In what, a matter of 2 hours?
Author NavyAirTraffic Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 (edited) KatZee, I kept re-reading your post and I think I understand now. Yes it was too fast, for me at least it/she was what I wanted and still want. After reading your post I can see how she fell in love with being in a relationship and not me. When the dust settled the lust wore off she could see her true wants, which didn't include me. Maybe I'm not what she's looking for or she wants to be free and date. The reason why she left really doesn't matter, it won't make me feel better. You gave me a alternate look at my situation. It was only lust on her part, that would've/could've never lasted. I've read a lot of things here that made me feel good but never sunk in. I was looking at it wrong, she left because there was nothing there for her in the first place. Just lust goggles covering the truth. Thank you, I think I'm thinking clearly now for the first time since she left. It makes sense. Edited October 6, 2012 by NavyAirTraffic
MonsterMash Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Since you make good money, how many of her bills did you pay before she wanted to be single again?
Author NavyAirTraffic Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 Since you make good money, how many of her bills did you pay before she wanted to be single again? Honestly none. She never asked me to. The only one we talked about, that I brought up, is her apartment lease cancellation (which never happened).
Hawaii50 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Navy, I think you're hella-lucky. I know how it feels to have to hit the snooze button on your paternal clock, but it cleary wasn't right and I think you deserve a 100 times better than someone just making it by after making ****ty life decisions. You're not a hero, so don't try to save women. Be patient and shut off the computer. you're obviously a decent looking and successful man, just be patient. otherwise you're going to be stuck with 10lbs of poop in a 5 lb bag, and few mini bags of poop, too. You do need to realize all this before you can do anything about it, that's for sure. So know that most of what i say, even though I have no idea who you are, I can relate and you deserve better. good luck buddy.
Hawaii50 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 P.S I only say lucky because she cut it off, and i don't you know how lucky you are. she obivously doens't want to drag you down to her level.. or there is something small she can't get over.. anyhoo, i think you're lucky for her ending it when you wanted her in your life. you're better off.
todreaminblue Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I'm not technically looking for advice, I know I'm doing 90% of what I need to, this is more of a rant. We met online, there was instant chemistry between us. I'm 33 and her 25, we moved FAST, within a week I met her kid, two weeks later they moved into my home. She's a struggling student/part time worker, living in a tiny 1 bedroom apt with her kid, I make just under $100k, live in a good neighborhood 3 bed house. We talked about marriage, she wanted to have my child (even tried for a month), she told me she loved me after 1.5 months. I want those things, I want a family, I loved coming home to them, it made me feel loved/important. I did everything for them, I'd take her and her kid shopping, out to dinner, I removed the word "no" from my vocabulary for them. We never fought, everything was perfect, we got along so well. I saw everything I wanted in her. One day (2weeks ago) she went out with her friends, came home slept in my bed and when I walked her out in the morning she turned and said "you are an amazing man, you're so good to me" 3 hours later I received a text saying "you are an amazing man, I can't do this to you, I can't be with you, I want to be single". Literally from perfect to over!!! Later that day she has a profile on a dating site looking for all of the qualities that I posses, exept being a cowboy. She says in the profile I would like to meet a cowboy. She wanted to see me a week later, and we did, but the next day she said she couldn't see/talk to me anymore. Now 1 week 100% NC. WTF, this hurts so bad!! Especially because there were no signs, she always said (till the last day) "I'm never letting you go, you make me feel so loved". I'm trying to move on, I try to remember the bad, and there is very very little of that. It was so sudden my heart and brain just can't compute what just happened. I fell hard for her and now my heart is on fire!! I will remain 100% NC, I know she made this decision and nothing I say will bring her back. She wants to be single and I just moved out here so I have literally zero friends, they were all that I had now ripped away. Again this is just a rant, I know I need to start moving on but how can somebody just give up on something so perfect? Sorry everyone, that was long I know, I am always on the verge of tears and want to break everything I see. I agree with katzee it did move to quickly if you had dated for longer before moving in with each other then you might have had that chance to get to know what each other wanted or looked fro in a relationship......obviously the feelings were there but you cant build on feelings if you don't get to know that person......and that is what you should do ...if you form a friendship first, the attraction that you feel will develop and if you dont i guess the attraction will fade away...im guessing that one......lol.....actually its not funny....i wont explain why....... back to your situation.... moving into together and trying for a baby is pretty intense......dating should be a gradual thing....i feel..a perfect time to really know a person before you ....get married lol and then move in together....normally better not done in the same year.and if you arent compatible you quit at the dating stage..i wish you all the best and i hope you find what you seek.....these are my opinions you have the right to remain silent and you have the right to chuck stuffed an8imals at your computer screen....and ill throw them back......deb
Bahndrvr Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I agree with katzee it did move to quickly if you had dated for longer before moving in with each other then you might have had that chance to get to know what each other wanted or looked fro in a relationship......obviously the feelings were there but you cant build on feelings if you don't get to know that person......and that is what you should do ...if you form a friendship first, the attraction that you feel will develop and if you dont i guess the attraction will fade away...im guessing that one......lol.....actually its not funny....i wont explain why....... back to your situation.... moving into together and trying for a baby is pretty intense......dating should be a gradual thing....i feel..a perfect time to really know a person before you ....get married lol and then move in together....normally better not done in the same year.and if you arent compatible you quit at the dating stage..i wish you all the best and i hope you find what you seek.....these are my opinions you have the right to remain silent and you have the right to chuck stuffed an8imals at your computer screen....and ill throw them back......deb I'm in a simular situation myself, except my love affair and whirlwind took alot longer to develop, but my woman after 2 1/2 years of treating her like a queen up and decided she wants to be single as well. Mine is not doing dating profiles on sites, and is not trying to hook up with guys, she also has left almost all of her possessions here. Problem with mine was she was right out of a marriage and I was the first guy she dated out of that marriage, fast forward almost 3 years later and what feels like a lifetime of love between us and she is not so sure/certain about our future together. It sucks bro, it really does, but to be honest, I think your lucky, that whirlwind could have went on for years, and it could have gotten deeper and better in your eyes and you would be where I am. Confused on how it can be so perfect, and end so quickly just like you, but I'm left with when do I tell my kids, I have two, and she has one, none of the kids know, and her parents don't know. Almost all of this tells me she is coming back to me, but when, and will I be ready to get right back into a relationship wiht someone that left are the big questions I have. My daughter is 10 and absolutely adores this woman, my son is older so he's cool without her, but my daughter is going to be crushed, her daughter is 3 and will be crushed as well:( We have been apart of over a month now, but have had quite a bit of contact till I decided to enforce no contact on Tuesday of this past week. This week has been hard, especially last night and this morning:(
Author NavyAirTraffic Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 We have been apart of over a month now, but have had quite a bit of contact till I decided to enforce no contact on Tuesday of this past week. This week has been hard, especially last night and this morning:( Your situation is similar to mine however quite worse at the same time. I'm truly sorry you are going through this, it sucks being on this end but what option do we have?!?!? They wanted to get away from us, all we can do is honor their wishes and walk away. I think a person who has decided to walk away cannot be convinced or have their mind changed by constant contact, in my eyes this is the reason they walked away in the first place. You on the other hand have a fighting shot, 2.5 years is nothing to sneeze at, mine must've been a 3 month whirlwind for her. I really appreciate the information that all have you have provided. I woke up every morning for the last 2 weeks without her in my bed and cried until I left the house but because of your insight this morning is "different". Different not because I no longer miss her, that still hurts very much, but I now understand that I was a rebound. She knowingly or not used me to fix whatever demons she had/get over her ex, and once that was accomplished her true desires (whatever they are) were most important and didn't include me. She simply didn't have any emotional attachment to ME just the relationship, when the need for a relationship went away, so did she. It's different because I understand that now thanks to everyone here. I am 100% no contact with her now, I used to look at her online profile and get angry/sad/cry. 3 days ago I deleted my dating account, blocked the dating sites she is on on my router so I can't check them. I can unblock them but it takes a couple minutes and gives me enough time to not make an emotional decision. I don't fall in love easy at all, the pain is intensified because she was everything I was looking for; she was nice/sweet, we got along great, similar interest, great motherly instincts, physically perfect for me. All that was taken away in 1 fell swoop. Maybe one day she will realize what I could have been to her but I'm nearly 100% certain now that day will never come. Think my situation was a mixture of GIGS and a rebound relationship. I only say this because she doesn't want a relationship but she's out there trying to fill a void looking for the same things that I provided. I won't contact her, I'm going to give her exactly what she wants, I am going to move on now that I understand. Any contact from her will be ignored unless it's the "leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life" contact (which I know won't ever happen). Again thank to everyone on this thread!! I hesitated writing my story but now I am glad, I think it has opened my eyes.
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