oaks Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 The "hi" cold approach works with me like 70-80% of the time. Hi plus some contextual comment. Hi + 5-10 minutes of conversation and you'll can have a real phone number for me. I always thought "hi" was a good place to start. It's less easily dismissed as being a pickup line. I occasionally struggle on the next sentence, though.
louise_23 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I'm in my mid-20s. A man has never asked me for my phone number. After striking up friendships with men, I have mutually exchanged phone numbers (one was for an internship, and the mentor later on got a little too interested). That's only happened 2 or 3 times. For the other women out there: how often does it happen to you that someone flirts with you or asks for your number? I'm not talking about established romantic interests here - but people cold-approaching you, or making their intent clear after just a few conversations. Basically, do acquaintances or strangers ask for your number or flirt with you? I get flirted with, albeit rarely. Usually men twice my age. I do see men look at me - again, usually men 2 or 3 times my age. Or...it's guys my age who are obvious drunks or drug addicts. Today I was going to the bank and an older man held the door open for me. I thanked him and opened the door for him: he started telling me he was recently out of the hospital, and joked that his Cadillac was waiting for him outside (if I recall, it was a wheelchair). As I was leaving, he told me, "Don't spend all that money! Gotta pay the bills!" This is usually about as 'flirty' as men get with me. So...not really. Then again, how would I know? I don't have many female friends. Some of my friends feel they've been flirted with if someone so much as gives them a double take. To others, myself included, he's basically got to be asking for my number, asking me out or complimenting me in some way. But, is that what flirting generally is? Just inane conversation starters? Do most men BOTHER speaking to strange women out in public if they aren't on some level interested? I'm going to guess what I see as just chatting is actually a conversation starter to lead into the more serious flirting, but I just shut down the conversation, which is why it never goes any further. I'm not looking to date, but admittedly wonder why I've been invisible through the years. I'm not a stunner, but I'm not hideous. I'm not looking for a date - just curious. usually the people asking for my number/ flirting are at least 10yrs older than me, strange people (the sense of humor that makes you feel creeped out), or the bedhopping sort. i shut these conversations down in a shot. i guess im waiting for someone that doesnt exist. but id rather be invisible than have to go on a date with each of these guys.
xdahliax Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Some start off OK and taper into creepy territory. Like you know the people who try to touch you within 1 minute of meeting. Or the ones who decide to inform you what they'd like to do shortly after meeting you. And not the PG thoughts. This is really important. Never touch a girl when you cold approach her. It's creepy as hell and will ruin any chance of you getting her number.
iris219 Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Who does the cold approach work for really? I mean most girls reject guys who cold approach, so what is the incentive for men to approach, that's first of all, second, the majority of men who do cold approach (since they have the confidence to do so) are usually players or at least men with a working knowledge of pick up artist techniques and are not looking for anything more than a notch on their belt, so what is the incentive for women to accept the approach? Cold approaching as a whole is pretty lame, as I've said a few times before. What's considered a cold approach? Is starting a conversation with a stranger a cold approach? If so, I think this can be a very effective way to get a date. The last guy I dated I met when he started a conversation with me in a public place (during the day). He definitely wasn't a player. I can't imagine how else I'll get a date since there are no single men in my social circle.
Revolver Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Most women get approached. Doesn't matter whether they're really pretty, ugly, average, fat, slim etc
Author RiverRunning Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I've generally just assumed it's my appearance, but realistically, I know it's nerve-wracking and most men don't do it. I've worked from home for the last 3 years, so that hasn't helped. I went to university at a commuter school and never really got involved in any extra-curriculars - I mostly went to class, then went straight home. As a bit of a social experiment, I did start an online dating profile probably a year or two ago. Since I've only dated two people and had less than a handful overall express interest in me. It was a mixed bag: about half had mounds of red flags (no job for YEARS, back child support owed, tons of kids, living with his parents at 30, no car, no ambition, no education, extreme thinness or extreme obesity. I am very flexible in that regard. But if he's 400 pounds and he wants to sit and eat cupcakes all day, it's going to be a problem). The other half was reasonable. Working a job at all - even if it was in a restaurant or something. Getting an education. Had a car, even if it's a beater (I carted one ex-boyfriend all over creation. I'd never do that again). Polite, funny, respectful, honest, reasonably attractive. One guy had been all over western Europe and was studying to become a professor heading the language department at a local university. And, I was surprised, because he looked like a NORMAL guy. He wasn't a supermodel, but he wasn't like the sorts who usually talk to me out in public, where I have to ask myself: "Is he only talking to me because he's drunk?" I do have the habit, when people strike up conversations with me in public, to do get a little nervous. I am friendly and sociable and I can keep it going for a while, but maybe there's something conveying in my body language that I need to get going. Maybe I come off too strong when they start talking to me - if coming off too weak can be a problem, maybe being too talkative and friendly can be mistaken as...just being friendly and sociable, not necessarily interested. If that makes any sense. I've just always wondered. I know some women who are less attractive than I am, and they seem to have no problem getting attention. I am overweight, but not unrealistically so. I'm tall. That's a turn-off for a lot of guys, and that could explain part of it. I just seriously hope the answer is not, "Because you are a monster, RiverRunning, and looking at you can take 10 years off a man's life!" Obviously there's no way of knowing, but I try to entertain the less self-esteem-destroying possibilities at least here and there. It's because I work from home, isn't it?! 1
Anela Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 About a month ago. He didn't ask for my number, so I didn't know if he was interested in me, or just practicing his cold approach - but I was surprised. I've rarely had anyone just come up and seem like he's interested - it's mostly been guys being idiots, coming out with crap, that I doubt they'd spout at anyone they actually wanted to date. I know someone who seems to always have someone falling for her, but she's outgoing and very pretty (and very married, so they're stupid for trying).
oaks Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Most women get approached. Doesn't matter whether they're really pretty, ugly, average, fat, slim etc You know saying that is like a red rag to a bull for a few regular posters... Expecting thread derail in 3, 2, 1.... 1
GirlontheLam Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 It's because I work from home, isn't it?! Definitely. For me, my number of "approaches" decreased dramatically since I work from home. Since I don't take transit, I don't go out to lunch...... I've been going to more meetup groups, professional networking things, happy hours etc to get out more during the work week.
GirlontheLam Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 This is really important. Never touch a girl when you cold approach her. It's creepy as hell and will ruin any chance of you getting her number. Exactly! I am pretty high on the "receptiveness to touch" scale. But I have definitely met some weirdos who crossed the line. Some memorable ones: the guy who cold approached (with something OK), we exchanged names, a couple more sentences, and then he tried to make out with me. WTF. It was 2 minutes later on the sidewalk. Or the guy leaning in really close trying to touch my earrings.....um sorry bro, but saying hi and then touching anywhere on my person outside of a handshake is too soon. 1
Anela Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 You know saying that is like a red rag to a bull for a few regular posters... Expecting thread derail in 3, 2, 1.... Definitely. For me, my number of "approaches" decreased dramatically since I work from home. Since I don't take transit, I don't go out to lunch...... I've been going to more meetup groups, professional networking things, happy hours etc to get out more during the work week. I'm at home a lot, too - have been for years. When I've been out, I've been told that someone's checking me out, or caught someone myself, but they don't approach. The guy at the bookstore surprised me.
Anela Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Exactly! I am pretty high on the "receptiveness to touch" scale. But I have definitely met some weirdos who crossed the line. Some memorable ones: the guy who cold approached (with something OK), we exchanged names, a couple more sentences, and then he tried to make out with me. WTF. It was 2 minutes later on the sidewalk. Or the guy leaning in really close trying to touch my earrings.....um sorry bro, but saying hi and then touching anywhere on my person outside of a handshake is too soon. It sounds like he was following instructions from a PUA.
oaks Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 So I can't grab her butt on a cold approach? Surely I'm doomed to getting friend-zoned? 1
xxoo Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 It's because I work from home, isn't it?! Likely, yes. In my 20s, I worked at the front desk in a busy office. I got hit on there more than anywhere else.
Revolver Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 You know saying that is like a red rag to a bull for a few regular posters... Expecting thread derail in 3, 2, 1.... It's true though lol. But if you listen to some women you'd think only a very small percentage are getting approached, going on dates, getting married, having kids etc and all other women are getting left out in the cold. But of course that's not true;)
mesmerized Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 It's true though lol. But if you listen to some women you'd think only a very small percentage are getting approached, going on dates, getting married, having kids etc and all other women are getting left out in the cold. But of course that's not true;) I think it depends on where you live. If youre a big and unattractive woman in my city, you dont really get dates or approached or even looked at since there are so many prettier or smaller women around.
GirlontheLam Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 It sounds like he was following instructions from a PUA. Pretty silly. These guys were pretty attractive, they didn't need to try so hard. It comes across as insincere. 1
GirlontheLam Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I think it depends on where you live. If youre a big and unattractive woman in my city, you dont really get dates or approached or even looked at since there are so many prettier or smaller women around. I find there are some areas of the country where I get approached 3-4 times more without doing anything differently. I should move. Apparently my type is way more popular elsewhere. 1
Revolver Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I think it depends on where you live. If youre a big and unattractive woman in my city, you dont really get dates or approached or even looked at since there are so many prettier or smaller women around. Even in a big city you still get approached. I live in NYC and I see unnactractive and fat women in relationships all the time. That's not an excuse
mesmerized Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Even in a big city you still get approached. I live in NYC and I see unnactractive and fat women in relationships all the time. That's not an excuse yeah but a lot of them end up in lower quality relationships. And just because a woman is in a relationship doesn't mean she got approached, it could very well be because she approached men and put effort in.
xxoo Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 yeah but a lot of them end up in lower quality relationships. And just because a woman is in a relationship doesn't mean she got approached, it could very well be because she approached men and put effort in. Less attractive doesn't equal lower quality relationships.... 2
mesmerized Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Less attractive doesn't equal lower quality relationships.... And that is not what I meant either. It means they stay with someone no matter how bad they treat her just because she cant get any better.
Revolver Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 yeah but a lot of them end up in lower quality relationships. And just because a woman is in a relationship doesn't mean she got approached, it could very well be because she approached men and put effort in. How do you know that theyre low qaulity and how are you defining a low quality relationships? I think your basically saying that they're not gettin the same quality men that the more desirable women get. And my reponse to that would be, well duh lol of course but they still count as relationships/approaches. It is true less attractive women have to put in more work to get relationships(and many have to approach more)but they can still get approached.
xxoo Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 And that is not what I meant either. It means they stay with someone no matter how bad they treat her just because she cant get any better. I've known very attractive women to do that, too. IMO, that has more to do with the woman's psyche than her physical attractiveness. 4
mesmerized Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 I've known very attractive women to do that, too. IMO, that has more to do with the woman's psyche than her physical attractiveness. A woman's psych is related to how she and others perceive her too. Its wishful thinking to think that your options has no affect on your confidence and self worth. Study: Heavy Women Responsible For Poor Relationships; Fat Men Doing Nothing Wrong - iVillage 1
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