kaylan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 (edited) Tell all the families with their S.O in the forces that... Consider how much more rampant cheating is in military families on both sides.Wow now we are spotting "red flags" in a man being polite, pro-active and making planning easier on the lady he is trying to impress. I think he sounds really nice and considerate. I like to have a plan, too. I just think its over the top and a bit too much. It may work for some women, but most women I know would think its coming on a bit much. Way too analytical. Theres making firm plans, and then theres being anal retentive. Edited October 6, 2012 by kaylan
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Consider how much more rampant cheating is in military families on both sides. . And think about all the cheating that happens with couple who have never been long distance. It doesn't make it any less of a relationship. 4
phineas Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Consider how much more rampant cheating is in military families on both sides. I just think its over the top and a bit too much. It may work for some women, but most women I know would think its coming on a bit much. Way too analytical. Theres making firm plans, and then theres being anal retentive. Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: "Give me a minute, I'm good. Give me an hour, I'm great. Give me six months, I'm unbeatable. " Maybe he loves it when a plan comes together? Or, Maybe she has a date with Sheldon from Big Bang Theory? 1
kaylan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 And think about all the cheating that happens with couple who have never been long distance. It doesn't make it any less of a relationship. Id say undermining a commitment in a relationship makes it less of one. Therefore not being able to cultivate your relationship by actually being together, and also cheating, can make a relationship less real. Yes cheating happens in local distance relationships, but still not to the extant of military families. Which really sucks because what guy wants to risk his life defending freedom so some douchebag can bang his wife? And what girl wants to be alone raising kids while hubby screws hookers? Check out some military forums...its a huge problem.
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Id say undermining a commitment in a relationship makes it less of one. Therefore not being able to cultivate your relationship by actually being together, and also cheating, can make a relationship less real. Yes cheating happens in local distance relationships, but still not to the extant of military families. Which really sucks because what person wants to risk their life defending freedom so some douchebag can bang their S.O? And who wants to be alone raising kids while their S.O is screwing hookers or coworkers? Check out some military forums...its a huge problem. A relationship is either real or not real. Doesn't matter what you define as a relationship truthfully - all relationships have different dynamics, good and bad. Just because you don't favor LDR relationships doens't make it any less real to others. Me not believing in god doesn't make him any less real to the people that do, right? 2
kaylan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 It does matter how I define it. We all have our opinions. People talk about whats real isnt real here all the time. Get with it and move on. For my life, certain things arent real. If others want to believe its real...then for them it is. Doesnt mean I see it as real because they do.
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 It does matter how I define it. We all have our opinions. People talk about whats real isnt real here all the time. Get with it and move on. For my life, certain things arent real. If others want to believe its real...then for them it is. Doesnt mean I see it as real because they do. Thank you for agreeing with me;)
kaylan Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 You didnt say anything different from what I said. All you simply did was throw out the "its subjective" line. So if anything, you agreed with me and simply added on common sense rhetoric to what I already stated. Its quite obvious to anyone that my definition of a relationship wont be the same for everyone.
SmileFace Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 (edited) Well, of course! How can you ever be wrong... Edited October 6, 2012 by SmileFace
veggirl Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Plans are good but the detail to exact timing and you being at place A at this time and place B at exactly this time sounds like something out of Law and Order. It will personally freak me out. lol could you be more dramatic? It sounds like Law and Order? As Fitchick pointed out, trains have schedules, she will be taking a train, yeah there needs to be a plan so she is there and back in time. You guys all sound insane already deciding that he is psycho and anal rententive and s.hit because he PLANNED A DATE. 2
Snowman219 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I haven't met this guy nor even spoken to him on the phone yet. He asked what I'd like to see or do and I made a suggestion, stressing that if it was inconvenient, to choose something else as I was open to most things. It is a great suggestion as far as I am concerned. I’ve not been there for at least 20 years. To make it practicable and easy, avoiding the traffic uncertainties and distances of meeting in R_____, and giving us plenty of time despite the distances involved, we should meet further out. You would best kick off on a mainline train out of ______ station to B______. That is quite near to me and an easy location to pick you up. There are no changes, it is a direct fast line taking about 45 minutes – possibly one or two stops prior, I can check – and I see four trains between 0950 and 1020 on a weekday. Plenty more but that sort of timing would be sensible. There is the occasional slow train – avoid. If you agree I will research more details. Thus I would pick you up about 1100. If we travelled via S__________, it will take less than 2 hours. One route goes via a nice riverside eating pub – outside in good weather, beside river – Museum 2.00 ish after lunch. May prefer get to Museum directly at 1.00 ish, have snack lunch then eat on way back. Could play it according to weather. What do you think? It would be a good day out! If happy, what day? – so I can get exact train details. Of course I would regard myself as your host for all day and if any travel went awry, I would rescue you! I thanked him and told him I appreciated all the effort he put into doing the research and that I was excited to finally meet him and I was sure we'd have lots of fun. I plan to speak to him on the phone before then. I like a man with a plan who can be flexible within that plan because that is how I am. I plan to pay for lunch. Guys, you don't have to plan a long outing like this one. It's the overall tone of thoughtfulness and consideration for the woman that counts as well as the attention to detail. You don't have to be a martyr and do something you dislike either. Wow all of my dating problems are solved now...I knew it was the outing to the catfish farm that drove her away, F**K!
suladas Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 If that's how much planning it takes to make a good first date to most women, i'm f**ked, i'll be single forever before i'll bother to put that much effort into a FIRST date. I will find out what part of the city they live in, google a good restaurant nearby, and then pick a time but that's about it. I'd be happy to drive them to, but i'm not going to plan out a million things right down to the minute.
Author FitChick Posted October 7, 2012 Author Posted October 7, 2012 If a woman traveled to another country or state to meet you, you wouldn't bother to plan anything, would disregard her preferences and leave her to figure out how to find you? Some men wonder why they can't get dates. If a man is too lazy or clueless to negotiate something as simple as a first date, how would he ever be able to handle a relationship? My example, on the simplest level for many of you to understand, was to point out that thoughtfulness, consideration and being proactive go a long way toward winning a woman's affections. Not a guarantee but a helluva good start. 1
utterer of lies Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Overly long and detailed description Now, maybe you are a perfect match...but I would never write such a text, for two reasons. First, what would I want with a woman who cannot find out how to get to the meeting point herself? And second, it seems he does assume you cannot find this out yourself - this seems insulting.
melodymatters Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 I think people are a bit confused by the lack of details. If I understand correctly, you live in the US and are planning to visit a guy in a neighboring state or country ? If I'm right so far, it sound like you are not at the stage where you two are jumping into a hotel room for a mad, passionate weekend, so you have accommodations elsewhere in this different state/country and are planning this one afternoon date to feel things out in person ? If so, it sounds perfectly reasonable and considerate. You always come across as someone who has themselves very much together, so I'm not reading this like you are some teenager taking an hours long train ride to some neighboring town where your potential date doesn't have a car or the like ! 1
threebyfate Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 So confused. Is this an LDR? If so, what in the world does it have to do with date planning and why is it in the dating section? Any guy who would create an itinerary for a regular date has got an anus up the anality. But if this is the first meet and greet in an LDR, one would think he'd pick you up from the airport.
ascendotum Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 If a woman traveled to another country or state to meet you, you wouldn't bother to plan anything, would disregard her preferences and leave her to figure out how to find you? Some men wonder why they can't get dates. If a man is too lazy or clueless to negotiate something as simple as a first date, how would he ever be able to handle a relationship? My example, on the simplest level for many of you to understand, was to point out that thoughtfulness, consideration and being proactive go a long way toward winning a woman's affections. Not a guarantee but a helluva good start. It comes across as a 'little' over the top on logistics & scheduling, but its not red flag territory. For younger women, I think many would find it a little weird, and for many this thoughtfulness would be wasted effort by young guys. I expect older women would find this more appealing because they tend to want a gentleman who knows how to treat a lady type romance more.
CptSaveAho Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 ... is this a guy that you met from an "Online Dating Site"?
Author FitChick Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Is this an LDR? If so, what in the world does it have to do with date planning and why is it in the dating section? Any guy who would create an itinerary for a regular date has got an anus up the anality. But if this is the first meet and greet in an LDR, one would think he'd pick you up from the airport. I am staying with a friend I've known for years and it's an easy trek from the airport. The Man with a Plan was a spontaneous dating decision by both of us as he's a bit farther away than I was planning to go. He expressed a keen interest in meeting me and suggested an outing that sounded like fun and would allow me to see a part of the countryside I had missed on previous trips. Since he'd been there before and I hadn't, it was logical for him to plan everything. He's been very open to any suggestions I've made. This is a short vacation. I had planned to meet new men within the central area of the large metropolitan city for convenience sake. One guy is coming into the city to meet me. I have another date with someone else who lives in the city. I hope to set up a couple of more dates since I can't afford to return any time soon and, if sparks fly, they can come visit me next time. Dating is a numbers game.
musemaj11 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) Damn, after all the big talk over the benefit of planning effort, apparently the guy is just one of the many choices regardless. LOL I bet 1$ all this guy is gonna get is time and money wasted while going back home with blue balls. Edited October 8, 2012 by musemaj11 1
Els Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 This is so.... weird. Honestly, when I read the OP, the first thing that popped into my head was, "Is she dating Sheldon Cooper?" I mean, I love Sheldon Cooper, but I'd still be weirded out if a real life guy said something like that! As for it being an LDR, you don't need to defend yourself to anyone. My relationship was LD for 2+ years and living together for 2+, and the LD bit was most definitely not any 'less real' than the living together bit. And yes, it takes very 'real', strong, mature men and women with an incredible connection to make LDRs work. 2
Author FitChick Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) Damn, after all the big talk over the benefit of planning effort, apparently the guy is just one of the many choices regardless. LOL. I bet 1$ all this guy is gonna get is time and money wasted while going back home with blue balls. He doesn't want a long distance relationship. He tried it and said it was too painful because the more you see someone the more you miss them when they are not around. We are looking at this as a friendship. Just because any man is sexually attracted to me doesn't mean I am a robot who must have sex with him. If he gets blue balls that is not my problem. I have sex with men I am attracted to and with whom I think I may have a future, not to "pay" for a date. Edited October 8, 2012 by FitChick
GLDheart Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 It sounds more like an arithmetic problem than a date. That is SO how I read it too... "..If train A leaves the station at 1pm traveling 62 mph, and Train B is on the same track headed on a collision course traveling at 75mph, at what point along the 2 mile track and at what time do they collide..." My head hurt by like two sentences in and I stopped reading.
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