First post, yeap it's a breakup

[Bahndrvr]

Alright,

 

Hold on, long post coming.

 

2 1/2 years ago i met the woman of my dreams, and she had a wedding ring on so I dind't talk to her. It was at a work picnic and I just noticed the ring and walked by, made a comment but she didn't know it was me. Later that day at the work picnic she approached ME! I kind of ignored her and said that I didn't mess with married women as I had been through a divorce and have two wonderful kids, but I would pass on the married part. Well she informed me they were getting divorce, and she even had her own place, it was just finalizing, so against my better judgment we started talking. And Talking, and TALKING. It started with her asking for my email, and we talked at work the following Monday, then had lunch, and Dinner that day, it was a whirlwind from then on. The type of love that you read about, however early on she started saying before we got married she would need a break.

 

Fast forward to about a month ago, she let me know that she was upset that I did not propose to her in July like she Thought I was going to do - we went to my parents house in La, and I had made a big deal so she thought i was going to propose there. I told her i'm sorry but La is important to me and I wanted you to finally see where I was raised, but it is not important to US, and when i propose it will be an amazing place that is very special to us - Yes I have the place picked out and even the time, but it's not yet and sadly it may not happen now:(

 

Regardless, I told her she was not ready yet and I would propose whe nshe was ready, this got her to thinking, she later asked me why she wasn't ready. I told her a good number of reasons and she took it and moved on. About a week later she came back and said your Right, all those reasons are absolutely correct, I love how well you know me, but she said it bothered her because she iddn't realize it, and that's where the trouble began.

 

Shortly after the Break word came back up for the first time ina long time, then she said that she hadn't realized she wasn't ready till I told her, and she said she had lost contact with who she was, she was so caught up in US and her life is really complicated, she said she wants a break to be a single mom for a bit, and to just go out and not have to report to anyone, and she isn't ready yet.

 

I love her so I said Ok, tried to sit a time and tried to sit rules she was ok with it. Then I had to leave for 3 weeks as I'm in the Reserves and had to do Annual Tour. We were doing very limited contact, the Thursday before I returned she said she wanted more, she wanted No Rules, she said she had no-one in mind but would like to see what it is like to not have to feel held back. I told her what she was asking for is not a break, or the pause button, it's a break up. She said ok then. I got back on Friday night and we scheduled a talk on Sunday, we looked in each others eyes, talked about how much we love each other and how she is just confused and needs time. I said ok, we were still broke up.

 

The next week goes by with little to no contact and Friday she calls to invite my kids and I to dinner and a movie. I accept, it was glorious, Fri turned to Sat, Sat to Sunday and she left Sunday at 5pm. Then she called me on Monday for a date, just her and I. It was wonderful, we talkeda bout writing a book about our love togetyher and all we have been though, we danced in a gazebo to no music, we talked about our plans for the future, and then she went home, and I didn't hear from her till Friday. We have alot of shared bills so it was official. Saturday comes and she invites me over, so I get up and go to her house, we slept together, cuddles, no kisses, not sex, but just cuddled and we have a certain way we sleep, we slept that way, it was amazing but she didn't seem all into me this time.

 

Tuesday of this past week roles around and I'm in Orlando with my kids for a doctors appointment, within 5 minutes of her work, so I texted to see if she wanted to do dinner. She absolutely crushed me so easily its not funny, she simply said, well, what am I going to do, introduce you to all my co-workers as my ex-boyfriend? LOL, it was simple, but I got the point.

 

All the time she has been using me for strenght to help her move on. She tells me she wants time and wants to get back together soon but doesnt' know when, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. That night I called her and told her No Contact, I'm enforcing what she wants and wanted, and I have been good since thn, she hit me up on a Bill that we have but it was absolutely bill related, no more, she asked a question I ignored it other than the bill. I'm doing great right now, mind you it's only a few days but its so hard.

 

We seriously have had a great romance, and crazy love, but she has said she needs the break because she never got to be a single adult, and she wants the space now. I'm trying to give it to her, and it's taking all of me to do it.

 

Now the other part, I got laid off right after I got back from my reserve duty, and my parents are spliting up. LOL, it's a hard road for me right now, I have work right now and am doing construction but I'm an IT professional with tons of degrees, certs and experience so it's not cutting it for me, it is getting me back in shape, that coupled with my runs are helping a ton.

 

Anyway, everyone involved, her friends, everyone says she is coming back, and that's what I want, but the last few days I'm not so sure so I'm trying to stay motivated in the gym, trying to avoid women as I noticed my blinders are not on so I'm noticing more women, and trying to get my new job. But she constantly creeps in my mind and makes me sad, our love was insane and so great, but alas, I guess it was for me and not her:(

 

HELP!

 

BTW, the Saturday I went over and we cuddled she couldn't stop looking at me and touching me, I have been working out hard since March but these last 5-7 pounds have made the biggest difference for me, and she noticed ALOT, it was very nice and it was so good to feel her watching me and complimenting me. She was in disbelief, this and many other things tell me she will be back, but we will see I guess, more to come after some questions from you all.

[Bahndrvr]

Guess I made it too long huh:(

 

Well, I created an email address on Gmail, and its been helping me alot, I have been sending emails to it everytime it gets to where i need to contact her. It has helped alot so far, this just sucks. I Love her so much and she just wants to make certain that I'm the one before she waste our time in marriage which i have to respect.

 

We have both been divorced and neither of us want that to happen again so this is a good thing in alot of ways and I respect it, but it hurts so dang bad sometimes. We shared so many things and so many first together, I'm 33 now and have alot to offer, but I had been pretty negative about my job and was unhappy. I think that may have turned her off after a few days of self reflection. I have to say that I still treated her like a queen but my intelect is one of the things taht intrigued her and brought her to me and then had us hit it off so much. I think the negativeity that I had probably hurt us in alot of ways.

 

This time of self reflection has helped me in alot of ways so I'm thankful for this overall, but I am just ready for it to be over, and for her to come home if possible to me so we can talk and work it out:(

[Balzac]

Welcome to LS. Lots of kind, compassionate folks here. Still reading your story for content. Prepare yourself for those who flame about married but cheating!

 

Vent away here.

[Balzac]

Not getting her statement about being a single adult. She must have had a life pre-marriage and children.

 

In my world, break means it's over but I have no children.

My honest opinion is that you were her rebound buddy.

 

I'm always interested to read the opines from other posters.

 

Why are you keeping the blinders on?

[Bahndrvr]

Welcome to LS. Lots of kind, compassionate folks here. Still reading your story for content. Prepare yourself for those who flame about married but cheating!

 

Vent away here.

 

Married but cheating?

 

If your referring to us in the beginning we didn't actually mess around till they were legally seperated, and had the child care all worked out, she made me wait, it actually was very romantic and made it all extremly intense when it did eventually happen. Her divorce was long and drawn out, they are civil now, but mainly because he got his way on most of the stuff.

 

She said that she wants her life to be less complicated, and I laughed and said that the things that complicate your life are the fact that your parents are in your life every single day - she's 32, and that your Ex-husband still dictates what you and I do alot of the time. It was not in a degrading was as it sounds here, we were laughinga bout it together, and then she went serious at one point and just said "I'm not sure I'm ready to be the Brady Bunch". Meaning she loves my kids, and loves hers, she just wants to be selfish with her daughter and not having her go off and play and be the brady bunch. She is a great woman, however she is confused, and when putting it on paper, or to words, there are definate issues that I have missed until writing them.

[Bahndrvr]

Not getting her statement about being a single adult. She must have had a life pre-marriage and children.

 

In my world, break means it's over but I have no children.

My honest opinion is that you were her rebound buddy.

 

I'm always interested to read the opines from other posters.

 

Why are you keeping the blinders on?

 

Very good question man, the blinders are on for me in a way. I don't want to move on until I'm certain that it's over. It was taht good, and this was all so sudden. She also had a very rough year, so I'm trying to be the biggest man I can be and do what she is asking by giving her time. The blinders are on so that I don't do a rebound, and so that if she comes back, I can maintain my integrity and honesty that I value so much with her. We can look in each others eyes and read each other, if we loose the honesty between each other, I do not want it to be because of me.

 

I feel that she is worth waiting for, and I feel she is worth the pain and heartache of no contact for a while. I will contact her as she has left all her stuff here, we have two vehicles co-financed together, we have a trip planned to the smokey mountains in Feb together that is paid for. We have so much planned, and she is insistent that she will be back. She is not seeing other people and not trying to date, but she is going out with her friends - which is good because she needs that - and I'm actually happy when I see her going out. One of her friend reached out to me the other day and said out of the blue, Lisa loves you very much and is talking about you constantly, but she said that I should move on as much as I can because she is happy being single, and she thinks that Lisa will be back, but in her words, it might be a while so her friend told me to move on unless I'm happy waiting months.

[Hawaii50]

No questions here. this is probably the most mature post I have ever read on LS. Seems like you handled everything like an adult, and honorable adult. You know there isn't much YOU can do to sway the indecisive mind of someone else. I guess just be there in case she does decide it's you she wants to be with.

 

I've also been in whirlwind love and I'd have to say... it's the best kind! You meet, you know, you enjoy to the fullest degree and hopefully you're both strong/mature enough to make it last. It's the stuff silver anniversaries are made of! Although, I've always been the less ready one... I just had some stuff to do, first.

 

 

Anyways.. hang in there buddy and don't be on hold too-too long. We're only human.

[Balzac]

Hey, I get it. For 32 and a parent, whoa.

 

I suppose from your comments, she has physical custody. They must have executed a morals clause regarding visitation? How exactly does her exH dictate your activities?

 

You sound smart, capable socially, she's got issues. We all do to some extent but if you have to spell out whyhow she's not ready, defend your delay of a proposal for marriage..I'd have concerns.

 

Why make a comment about how to introduce you to coworkers? That's just crazy thinking.

 

I get that you love her, great romance, hot sex, both have children. What I don't get is after 2 years getting into a break. What exactly does that accomplish in your life?

[Bahndrvr]

Hey, I get it. For 32 and a parent, whoa.

 

I suppose from your comments, she has physical custody. They must have executed a morals clause regarding visitation? How exactly does her exH dictate your activities?

 

You sound smart, capable socially, she's got issues. We all do to some extent but if you have to spell out whyhow she's not ready, defend your delay of a proposal for marriage..I'd have concerns.

 

Why make a comment about how to introduce you to coworkers? That's just crazy thinking.

 

I get that you love her, great romance, hot sex, both have children. What I don't get is after 2 years getting into a break. What exactly does that accomplish in your life?

 

I'm not sure what the break does and when my daughter finds out its going to hurt her badly, that's why I'm trying so damn hard to make sure before I move on. When I got back from my reserve drill I told my daughter that we wouldn't see Ms. Lisa for about a month because of her work, she looked at me and said: when she comes back will you marry her if I help you buy the ring? It was all I had to not break down right there.

 

If you remember I saw Lisa and Ari that weekend with everyone together, it was wonderful, I also heard her ask Lisa the same thing when we were at the air show. I decided then that I would not have the kids around hereafter that weekend until we were sure where we were going. I know where my heart lies and what I want and pray for, but time will tell what the man upstairs has in store for Lisa and I, or for my kids and I:). I have to get up and outa smile on every day for my kids.

 

As for her visitation they do 7 on 7 off for her daughter and he constantly calls her on his weekends so he can go drink and she has cancelled trips to get her daughter...

[Bahndrvr]

Also thanks for the words so far last Saturday when I was over there she told me that I was being so mature and so amazing about all of this, said I was showing her how much of a man I was, and she said I was so mature and proving to be so much more of a man than she ever expected and she said she expected a lot so it is nice hearing that because man my heart feels so bloody right now and hurts so much:(. Thanks for the encouraging words guys

[Balzac]

He calls because she has first right of refusal prior to hired baby sitter?

It seems on his weekend he is obligated to hire care.

 

It's a tough situation to wait and wonder.

[Bahndrvr]

He calls because she has first right of refusal prior to hired baby sitter?

It seems on his weekend he is obligated to hire care.

 

It's a tough situation to wait and wonder.

 

Yeap she has first right, and she almost never refuses regardless of plans, it doesn't cause fights at all as I love her daughter, but it does put a strain on scheduling and she will not commit to plans because she"might" have ari...

[Bahndrvr]

Very hard today, just want to pick up the phone and call her. We both still love each other but I'm sure she is not in love with me, therefore she has to miss me properly for a while to realize how good I have treated her. This is really hard, went to church this morning and honestly haven't been very motivated since:(

 

Guess ill write her another email and send it to the inbox I created, I hope one day she gets to read those emails and understand just how deeply I love and care for her.

[tjackson1]

I don't understand the I just want to be single for a little bit excuse. My ex told me that and I askeder her if she wanted to sleep with other guys and she said no just be single and do single things. To me there is nothing you can do while single that you cant do while in a relationship except for fooling with, kissing, sex ect. ect. with other people. So I never trust that excuse ever.

 

I say just focus on youself for now. I don't suggest waiting around for someone that wants to put you on hold so they can have there fun.

 

Just my .02

[Bahndrvr]

Also thanks for the words so far last Saturday when I was over there she told me that I was being so mature and so amazing about all of this, said I was showing her how much of a man I was, and she said I was so mature and proving to be so much more of a man than she ever expected and she said she expected a lot so it is nice hearing that because man my heart feels so bloody right now and hurts so much:(. Thanks for the encouraging words guys

 

I don't understand the I just want to be single for a little bit excuse. My ex told me that and I askeder her if she wanted to sleep with other guys and she said no just be single and do single things. To me there is nothing you can do while single that you cant do while in a relationship except for fooling with, kissing, sex ect. ect. with other people. So I never trust that excuse ever.

 

I say just focus on youself for now. I don't suggest waiting around for someone that wants to put you on hold so they can have there fun.

 

Just my .02

 

All true man, thanks for the input. I truly love this woman but I feel if she moves on it is her loss, as much as it would hurt me I have been nothing but good to her in so many ways and take so good of care of her.

[Bahndrvr]

So broke No Contact today,

 

But it was because her Daughter had a surgery.

 

So this is how it went:

 

AT 638 this morning sent her a text:

 

From the kids and I, good luck today, prayers and positive thoughts to you and ..., Good Luck! Let me know once she is alreight ok:)

 

She responded after the surgery about 5 hours later and we had the following:

 

Her: Thank you So Much. She was such a trooper!!!

Me: Great to here are you calmed down now too?

Her: how did you know I was wound up lol

Her: Yeah headed to suth beach park:)

Me: You forget how wel I know you I think, I know you forget how much I care and listen, have a great day ..., glad she is ok:)

Me: Please tell her Cheese, xxx, and xxx were really worried and soo happy she is good now:)

Her: I didn't forget, and I will do:)

 

So I messed up a bit.

 

I have done so much for her, and been her man for 2 1/2 years, she has constantly told me how much I mean to her, and how much she needs this break to make sure she's sure about marriage again. I shouldn't have put so much in it, but oh well, after I heard from her a bit I felt alot better, especially knowing that her daughter is good now too:)

 

Our kids are extremely close, and beside my 14 year old son who figured it out, both our daughters don't have a clue, they think she is just working alot right now.

 

We decided we would tell them once we decided, and she swears up and down she's coming back just need time.

 

UGH! This is freaking HARD.

[Bahndrvr]

Well it wasn't worth the waiting and trying, she fee stablished contact Monday, answered some of my bill questions, then asked about my sister as she was leaving on a business trip to Richmond Va, so they got in contact, I was excited as my sister is very intimidating to Her. Well 3 1/2 hours later I wasn't so hopeful. She has moved on, is dating and they talked about a lot. My sister stated she wasn't feeling any pain so that points to someone being in her life. She has been on three now 4 dates and is not feeling any remorse. She started her new job about 5 months ago and didn't really talk about it. Within days of taking me off Facebook she had added this one younger version of me. Meaning he has the same interest as me but no kids. He is 24 she's 32, she is smitten with this guy now and it sucks. Looking back she did the same thing with me, moved on to fill her void from her divorce.

 

I'm doing a lot better, got a dream job and a pay raise, my son will probably be coming to stay with me full time, my mother and father are splitting for a while but only to give themselves time and room, hey after 39 years that may help! They decided not to break up/divorce for now but are shooting for a 6 month break to see where they sit.

 

My ex is doing a form of gigs I believe but to be honest she's just acting like she's a 16 year old and enjoying the attention of being the new girl at work. Everyone but her seems to know it stops and the younger guys loose interest but she doesn't. I do feel she will come back, but as of now no contact except to get her stuff to her mom and dads house who are devastated by this all BTW because o how well I treated her, how happy she was and how she just ended it.

 

Oh we'll, when the newness of her situation wears off and she comes running back 99% sure I won't be there as I had to tell my kids, and watch my daughter break down and am still dealing with it. That's enough to piss me off enough to not take her back. She also used my kids as the reason she doesn't want to be with me, more on that later if anyone is interested.

 

She told my sister that she only wants to date and that no other man will meet her daughter, she's destined to be hurt a lot then but she's not my problem anymore. Her friends are lining up to date me as they all saw how I treated her but I'm not interested. It's been over 2 months since this all started and working construction while being laid off helped me, long runs helped and friends and family have helped. It's not numb, it's not constant anymore. I asked my neighbor out for drinks and have been talking to her a lot, I made sure she understood I'm not in it for a relationship or even sex, but for a friend, told her I wouldn't write it off in the future but not for a while.

 

So basically god is great, my path is pre written and I believe in him and the course, the pain exist to help me learn and I am not blocking anything out so I can learn everything!

 

Expect regressions occasionally and this is the first time someone left a perfectly good relationship that I have seen first hand, but she did it non the less.

 

T