MrsArnold24 Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I have been married to my high school sweetheart for 15 years. Together since we were in Jr. high. We have had a good mix of good and bad times. Lately I feel him pulling away. He says he is depressed and doenst know why. He says he loves me and is still involved with me. By that I mean we are still sleeping together in both sense of of the word, hanging out, talking, touching, kissing and all that. He says he is feeling better and I can see an improvement but the worry is still in the back of my head. I wanna rescue him and us and just fix whatever the issue is but I know that I can't. I have been kinda pushy here and there and I realize that is the worst thing to do so I told him Id back off and give him space to work through his issue. Thats going to be hard for me because we have been deeply connected for so long that its just second nature to express my love to him. Again, I know thats not what he needs now. Anyone have any stories of hope of advice to offer. Until now, I had no idea men could be this complicated! Melissa
pinkie Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Sometimes men just get moody as we all do from time to time. Maybe he's going through some sort of mid-life crisis (?) But I'm like you and want to swoop in to save the day, knowing full well that if the tables were turned, I'd just want some space and time to myself to reflect on the issue. I say keep a safe distance, try not to let his mood get you down and be strong.... We just can't control everything...
Decorative Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 This will be unusual advice- but investigate a little. Make sure there is nothing nefarious going on- especially if he does not have a previous history of depression. I would look to see if there is another person involved. I am probably wrong, but the behavior you described, with the need for space, raises some red flags. So check, so you can proceed properly. 1
strongnrelaxed Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I know that you may not want to hear this, but there are many men who will back me up on this. Millions of men, according to some polls, are deeply unhappy in their marriages. The reasons run the gamut from loneliness (yes that happens) to pressures, to sex problems, etc. What more and more men are finding is that they cannot take the BS their wives dish out. This has become such a pervasive pattern that many men are talking about this and what to do about it. Unfortunately, women cannot be invited into those conversations because some tend to get nasty, hysterical, and outright aggressive about this topic. As women gain more power in America, they will also have to learn what most men already know - that there is actual accountability for one's actions. When we nag a spouse or partner this can have lasting effects and can permanently damage the relationship. Women too often dismiss their own bad behavior as "a bad mood' or only once or twice or otherwise spin their bad behaviors. They actually believe that it is not a big deal. This does several things - first it tells the man that the woman will never fix her own behavior if she cannot even acknowledge it. Second it does nothing to fix the offense. So it gets buried... but ultimately these things come home to roost. Men screw this up too. Cheating is perhaps the most common infraction (putting abuse by both spouses aside). So you might ask yourself where you might have contributed to this. You can never save a man. Thinking this is a huge mistake and gets women into trouble every day. This is not very easy to do although I admit that it is possible. Good luck. Once a man shuts down like this he may come back, but you should be honest with yourself.
Author MrsArnold24 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 I actually have examined my own flaws and just like every one else....I havent been perfect. Neither has he. We have had a lot of hardships to face in the 15 years that we have been together. I can only work on what I can control about myself. He hasn't completely checked out. Thank God. He is still here, talks about our future plans, still wants to be intimate, still good friends and the entire fact that he texts me/calls often gives me a lot of hope that he is still interested...just going through some man thing. It's a really awkward place to be in. I'm sure it's worse for him. As women our instinct is to save the day. I'm having a hard time fighting the urge and I can see him respond when I pull back from him. I have checked every possible outlet to see if there is a 3rd party involved. Just can't find one. I should note that he is terribly unhappy in his current job and I think that the stress of that unhappiness is spilling over into everything else. He feels as though he hasn't been the best of bread winners although that the furthest thing from the truth. Thanks for your responses.
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