Broke up 2 mths ago, he is now proposing to HER...rebound girl...what??

[Faith3132]

Okay, so I posted here about two months ago. My ex and I broke up and he IMMEDIATELY began dating the girl he had been flirting with about a week prior to our break up. She is everything I am not. I'm a good girl, simple, strong family values, etc. She is a complete party girl. And my ex was a party guy. But I tried to discourage him from excessive drinking, drugs, wild behavior, etc. while we were together. And he seemed to respond to that and want to try and be a "better man." But after a year and a half of stability and security, he decided he wanted to go back to his bad boy ways. And this girl totally encourages everything I discouraged, so of course, he would want to be with a girl who promoted the worst side of himself. Anyway-I just thought she was a rebound. You don't have serious relationships with party girls. But then I heard from our mutual couple friends that he is ring shopping. We were together 1.5 years and two months into this "relationship" with her (and two months post our break up) he is planning on proposing to her. What is that?? How can he totally erase what we meant to each other?? We lived together, had a dog together, a LIFE together. How do you just erase that? Our break up was horrendous (because I caught them kissing while I was still living in our apartment) but the weekend before the break up, he told me he didn't think he would ever love anyone like he loves me and he didn't think anyone could put with him the way I did. So where the hell did the love go? How can he just pretend like I never existed? He was my first love and this break up completely broke my heart. And it's been two months and I'm doing good, but I'm nowhere near erasing him from my life. Nor do I think I will ever be able to do that. But WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR HIM?????

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

You don't have serious relationships with party girls. But then I heard from our mutual couple friends that he is ring shopping. We were together 1.5 years and two months into this "relationship" with her (and two months post our break up) he is planning on proposing to her. What is that??

 

Who made you an expert? Sounds like you are wrong! He must want a relationship with a 'party girl' because they are shopping for rings. Maybe she accepts him for who he is and doesn't try and change him. Who are you to tell him to stop doing what he likes doing, if you met him that way you have no right to do so. She probably doesn't nag him into not drinking, drugging, whatever.

 

He didn't buy you a ring? What does that say to you? So people just aren't meant to be together and maybe they are meant to be. Be happy for him and move on and find your 'nice boy' and be happy for you!

[Faith3132]

I'm not an expert. I just am repeating what I've heard all my life. You marry a nice girl. That's just what I've heard.

But you're right, maybe she let's him be what he needs to be. But if he needs to be an alcoholic, druggie, abusive man...then she can have him. And I question you if you're promoting someone to be that way. But then again, people can do or destroy what they want with their life.

But he wanted to grow up, he wanted to be a "better man," and that's the only reason I was encouraging it. But apparently some people just can't change and grow up.

[Dulce_Angel_Whispers]

Originally posted by Faith3132

I'm not an expert. I just am repeating what I've heard all my life. You marry a nice girl. That's just what I've heard.

But you're right, maybe she let's him be what he needs to be. But if he needs to be an alcoholic, druggie, abusive man...then she can have him. And I question you if you're promoting someone to be that way. But then again, people can do or destroy what they want with their life.

But he wanted to grow up, he wanted to be a "better man," and that's the only reason I was encouraging it. But apparently some people just can't change and grow up.

 

 

I am not promoting anything! I think it's sick that people fall for someone the way they are and then want to change them in the long run. If he was all these things why are you so upset he moved on? I bet you want to see the worst and maybe even make what was bad seem worse so that you don't have to focus on the pain of being left behind. I think everyone grows up when it's their time, even if they say they want to, growing up is a natural thing it will happen when it's the right time. And you say some people don't grow up, what does living a certain lifestyle have anything to do with 'growing up' it's a choice and since it wasn't a choice for you, move on. You wanted him to be a 'better man' you wanted him to be what YOU thought he should be.

[jw32802]

Sweetie Faith

 

This happened to me too but i broke up with my ex because of all the drinking (he didnt drink before but started drinking later).....I broke it off and said if he changed i would work on things and i found out the same thing! that hes been dating some girl for 2-3 mths and she told me they were talking about marriage too.

[Faith3132]

Wow Angel. You sure don't hold back. Yes, I wanted him to be a better man. But I think he did too. I really do. We had many conversations about it. And I didn't know all of that stuff when I moved in with him (drugs, alcoholic, etc.), and perhaps that's my fault for moving too fast. But after I found out about that stuff, I told him I couldn't do that. I said it's either me or the drugs. And that's just me, I'm not going to apologize for it. And he said that he woudn't do it anymore, and as far as I know, he didn't.

As for the drinking/belligerent behavior, I'm not making it worse than it really was. In fact, I still make excuses for him...I have no idea why.

I don't know, I just figure when someone "grows up," they want to live a mature, responsible life. And I don't call being an alcoholic and erupting in mad rages mature and responsible. But maybe that's just me.

Sorry if I offended you. I didn't intend to at all. I didn't get with him knowing how he was. I'm sure you know that someone is ALWAYS on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship. And I moved in with him before I discovered his bad boy ways. So I didn't know that was the "real" him. Perhaps if I did, I wouldn't have let it go so far as it was. But you live and learn. Essentially, yes, I wanted to change him. But if I knew who he really was before I gave him my heart, I wouldn't have wanted to commit myself (my body, my heart, my everything) to someone like that....because I need more than that. So I didn't enter into the relationship wanting to change him. I just wanted to make that clear. HOWEVER, I think everyone should grow and compromise within a relationship...not necessarily change. But I guess we weren't meant to be...

[Pained]

Be thankful you're rid of someone like that. Find someone who is more in tune with you. Easier said than done, I know, but in the long run you'll be thankful.

[honey2005]

I think it was very good of you to try to help him change for the better.

 

Maybe she accepts him for who he is and doesn't try and change him.

 

Or maybe she just doesn't really care if he is drinking and doing drugs (which are bad for his health.)

 

But really, I think you should not worry about him being engaged. Be thankful that he is out of your life and you can find someone who is willing to be the kind of guy you want and deserve.

[Faith3132]

Thank you for your response. This site is truly theraputic!!

I know I should be glad that he is out of my life, and I'm beginning to move in that direction. It's just a slap in the face that we were together 1.5 years and two months after we break up, he's ready to propose to another woman. I just don't get it.

But she is exactly like him...heavy drinker, smoker, party girl, etc. So he probably feels right at home with her. But again, I just thought you dated those kind of girls. Not marry them. He always use to tell me how wonderful of a mother I was going to be, blah blah blah. Does he think that someone who is drunk half the time and chain smokes is going to be a good mother and wife to him? I don't think so. But actually, his mother is a big beer drinker and chain smoker. So maybe he's just looking for someone like his Mom.

It's funny. His family always thought I was too good for him, and they were just waiting for me to break up with him. But they are good people. And "too good for someone" is relative. I may have had a different upbringing and lifestyle, but that doesn't make me any better or worse, just different. It's SO HARD to work with another person who had a completely different upbringing. He was always so resentful of my fortunate childhood. That stuff is in the past...I know it shapes us, but we decide what to do from here on out, we shouldn't let our past dictate our present and future.

Anyway, that was off on a tangent. I do think I'll find someone better suited for me. It just hurts that he can erase me so easily...

[wolvie666]

My fiance who I was with for 6.5 years broke up with me 2 months ago (actually it was just supposed to be a break from each other). She started partying a lot (something she never used to do) and then she started dating this complete loser who had his license suspended for drunk driving (she has to drive him around) and is always picking fights with people and she tells me yesterday that they're in love and talking about getting married.

 

I've just been assuming that she would come back to me because this truly came out of nowhere and she was never one to act like that, but now it seems she has truly gone off the deep end and I must let the girl who I thought was the love of my life go. I've never felt so low in my life. She just acts like there was never anything between us even though we were together for years and went through so much and had wedding plans and everything. It just doesn't make any sense that the person who was my best friend and partner for all these years was able to just flush me out of her head and suddenly be talking about getting married to someone else.

[devyna]

Unfourtunately I think a lot of us can relate. I was with my Fiancee for close to 4 years. He said he wanted to give me a chance to date other guys so I could find out if he really was the one for me. Then I found out he had been chatting with one of his ex's, from 6 years ago, online. Now he's supposedly in love with her and wants to move out of the country to be with her. Whatever! I know how much of a lie it all is though, because he still coming over to be 'with' me.

[jw32802]

haha devnya i am CRACKING UP at your signature at the bottom about the sledge

 

hahahahaha

[Faith3132]

I am cracking up as well. I got that line about exploring other options from my ex as well. He was my first big relationship and he hated that. He enjoyed that he took my virginity, but hated my lack of experience with everything else. But hell, he was my first relationship and I was his fourth, but I think I was ten times more mature about relationships than he was. So experience ain't everything!

[Taken_Angel]

I'm sorry to hear that you lost someone you love no matter how bad he was for you,

I'm sure it was painful. I wish you only the best and hope you move and and heal and find someone who can appreciate your care and concern for them.

 

Someone who doesn't love themselves very much can't love someone else either so you're lucky to be rid of him.

[Faith3132]

Thank you angel. I appreciate that.

[devyna]

Life seems to have filled my world with grapes...I say we get to stomping, make some wine and be merry!!!

 

Or sell it to the highest buyer and get rich...either way.

 

We can pretend every little grape is an ex's head...that would make it very therapeutic!!