a.b Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Hi all i'm new here because i'm desperate for some neutral advice. Me and my girlfriend were going out for say 3 months and it was a very fast developing one. We were speaking as friends for about a year before we got together. Now i will point out now it has always been long distance. She lived in Lincoln and i live in the south east. We grew attached very quickly but took things very slowly because we wanted something meaningful and strong which it seemed to be. Now she went to university a couple of weeks ago and i visited her on the weekend and she broke up with me on the saturday. She said she couldn't handle the long distant relationship and it was tearing her apart that everyone wanted to speak to her and she couldn't cause she was so busy and had loads of new friends. The signal was awful as well, we could barely talk, i can confirm this is true cause i was down there. Now i eventually excepted this but i was heart broken. i now find out today she kissed her new friend once when drunk then the next day when sobre when she tried to explain why she could not do this. Now i am hurt even more, and don't know what to do. i love her so much and the thought of not having her in my life kills me but i also am so angry with her for doing this to me, especially because her past boyfriends have cheated on her and i was the good one if you like. Should we stay friends? I understand it may end up not working out anyway and it would be hard and very difficult, but i'm torn between what to do. I try to think things out logically but at the end of the day my heart always wins over my head. She cried a lot apparently and is really sorry and said she never wanted to hurt me like this and that she did and does really care about me etc. you know the usual stuff. but she thinks she might start a relationship with this guy as well, i explained that if we remained friends any time we met up i would never want to see this guy as i'd be liable to hit him....help i'm so confused.
TopCat22 Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Don't be friends with her. At least not yet. When you get over her you can see how you feel and then you may be able to have a friendship but right now you are hurt. She's got a new exciting life away from you and there is NOTHING you can do about it. She is young and wants to explore all the possibilities open to her. It's understandable at her age. Wish her well, then go No Contact. At some point down the line maybe you can start speaking again, but for now let her go and move on with your life. The hurt will pass and you will find someone new. You won't want to hear that at the moment but it is true.
Author a.b Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 Don't be friends with her. At least not yet. When you get over her you can see how you feel and then you may be able to have a friendship but right now you are hurt. She's got a new exciting life away from you and there is NOTHING you can do about it. She is young and wants to explore all the possibilities open to her. It's understandable at her age. Wish her well, then go No Contact. At some point down the line maybe you can start speaking again, but for now let her go and move on with your life. The hurt will pass and you will find someone new. You won't want to hear that at the moment but it is true. Thank you for your advice. I will defiantly take this on board.
Calico Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 but she thinks she might start a relationship with this guy as well, i explained that if we remained friends any time we met up i would never want to see this guy as i'd be liable to hit him....help i'm so confused. The fact that you feel this way shows you very clearly that you cannot be her friend. And you wouldn't be her friend. You would be her jealous ex who smothers her, tries to control her and who hangs around waiting for a chance to swoop in and snatch her up. It's not going to work. I tried it and it was living hell. Maybe one day you'll be able to be her friend, but this day is not today. Nor will that happen any time soon, and perhaps it will never be possible.
Author a.b Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 The fact that you feel this way shows you very clearly that you cannot be her friend. And you wouldn't be her friend. You would be her jealous ex who smothers her, tries to control her and who hangs around waiting for a chance to swoop in and snatch her up. It's not going to work. I tried it and it was living hell. Maybe one day you'll be able to be her friend, but this day is not today. Nor will that happen any time soon, and perhaps it will never be possible. Believe me I thought this, which is why I made sure I added that part especially. I don't want tailored advice, if I wanted that i'd ask a friend. You guys being blunt with me will be my biggest help.
Calico Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Yep, over here you get blunt and unadorned feedback, mostly because many of us have gone through the same crap you currently experience, and we had all those illusions and delusions burnt out of us. And we tend to be so fed up with the pain that we offer our thoughts plainly. Regular friends often can't relate or they get tired of the topic, so LS isn't a bad virtual hangout to meet people who know exactly where you're coming from and what you deal with. The thing is, though, advice doesn't necessarily make it any easier. I knew all the "right things" that I should have done, but I still did all the wrong things instead because I needed to try them to arrive at a point where I really "got" it. It's probably true for most people, and often you just have to hurt yourself a few times before you get to an emotional place where you're ready to let go. Lincoln, eh? My ex had gone there. Seems to be an university that attracts women that aren't good for our hearts.
Author a.b Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 Yep, over here you get blunt and unadorned feedback, mostly because many of us have gone through the same crap you currently experience, and we had all those illusions and delusions burnt out of us. And we tend to be so fed up with the pain that we offer our thoughts plainly. Regular friends often can't relate or they get tired of the topic, so LS isn't a bad virtual hangout to meet people who know exactly where you're coming from and what you deal with. The thing is, though, advice doesn't necessarily make it any easier. I knew all the "right things" that I should have done, but I still did all the wrong things instead because I needed to try them to arrive at a point where I really "got" it. It's probably true for most people, and often you just have to hurt yourself a few times before you get to an emotional place where you're ready to let go. Lincoln, eh? My ex had gone there. Seems to be an university that attracts women that aren't good for our hearts. Blunt is what I need! Thanks for this, and I agree totally friends are almost always useless in these situations, at least my ones are. I have decided to call her and explain what she did hurt me deep, but that one day I would like to try and be friends but the first step towards that is we do not talk or see each other for a few months at least. I will also be deleting her from facebook for now, but that when I am ready I will contact her and we will take it very slowly from there. Either it'll work or it will fail but all we can do is try. Well something like that.
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