Am313 Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 So after a month of no contact I randomly (and half drunkenly) texted my ex last night. We've been split for a month and I've been NC ever since, with the exception of a quick apology text I sent a week after the split (which I believe needed to be said, and I genuinely expected nothing in return, which is why I guess it didn't effect me). So, anyways I have ran into her twice since the split. The first time she tried talking and I pretty much ignored her and she caught me flirting with another woman (I honestly had no idea she was even in the same building, I look over and she's like 5 feet from me). She also played "the silence" by Mayday Parade on the jukebox....Probably to stroke some interest in me.* The next time I saw her I caught her looking at me quite a few times. At one point we stared for about 3-4 seconds. We exchange a simple hello and that was it.* Fast forward until now.* I texted her a picture of the clouds and the moon last night, and said "Thinking you -nickname-". I expected nothing back but felt a little uneasy wondering whether or not she would. This morning I get a text from her. Its a picture of the clouds and moon that she took (I think) and she said "Much Better!".* It should be mentioned it was her bday last week and of course I said nothing.* I responded to her text rather shortly pointing out something I liked in my picture. She responded with "whatever, I dont even know what you're talking about". I didn't respond.* That comment is kind of out of character. Anyways I KNOW I'm reading too much into it. I'm honestly feeling no different than I did yesterday, or a week ago, or the week before. I miss her a lot at times, but I'm not hurting. However, today there was only one exception to my feelings: The reality of the situation. It's becoming more clear. I have a long way to go, and I honestly don't want to keep going that way. If I do, I'll lose feelings and then she'll be nothing to me. I don't want that. Because the truth of the matter is I loved her more than anyone I've ever met. I've never had feelings as strong as these. I've never cared about anyone anywhere as much as I've cared for her. The way she made me feel was exactly what I've wanted my entire life. It was something I got from her that I didn't even know was missing. The weird thing is, she felt the exact same way before I did, and her actions showed me she was being sincere. I guess it's just tough understanding that one day everything I've felt and we've shared won't mean much to me. I'm honestly shedding a tear thinking about that, and I haven't cried since we've split.*
yuppup Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Well...appreciate that feeling you had with her, and know that now that you've learned you can feel it, you'll probably feel it with someone else again. 2
CC12 Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I guess it's just tough understanding that one day everything I've felt and we've shared won't mean much to me. You should be looking forward to that day. I mean, I'm sure the relationship will always hold some meaning to you, but eventually, it will just be a memory and a thing that happened in your past. You can make that day come sooner if you really want it.
Mint Sauce Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I have a long way to go, and I honestly don't want to keep going that way. If I do, I'll lose feelings and then she'll be nothing to me. I don't want that. Because the truth of the matter is I loved her more than anyone I've ever met. I've never had feelings as strong as these. I've never cared about anyone anywhere as much as I've cared for her. The way she made me feel was exactly what I've wanted my entire life. It was something I got from her that I didn't even know was missing. I think you just phrased in utmost clarity why we can't let go: we don't want to let go. We prefer the pain of knowing love over the neutrality of being indifferent.
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