Izzi23 Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I never have feelings for anyone, like true feelings. I'm just attracted to someone because they might be good looking or cute, but that is lust not love. I just realized I never love anyone before. My sister, who is married, told me that she knew her husband is the one when she first saw him. I was like...o_o". I thought that only exist in romantic movies. Because of that, I didn't go out with anyone before. Is my expectations too high? Will someone I love really comes along, and even so, how will I know it is love and not lust? Do you guys really know that your significant other is the one, and how do you guys know that? Or are you guys just dating because you simply like your other half and they feel the same, so you guys get into a relationship?
El Brujo Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I've never had feelings for anyone. Even the women I thought were gorgeous, I disliked them once I realized they weren't nice people.
church9832 Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 She might be overreacting but then again, Love is something you can't explain, sometimes it comes and goes but when you meet that one person it sticks forever. Don't say love is just chemicals in your brain reacting to stimuli (a woman), love is more than that. You can't explain that kind of love, it just happens. 1
Minka333 Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I thought like that before. I even questioned myself a lot. But really, something can happen to your life that will totally change your perspective. I think you just haven't met the person who has the ability to stir your soul. But once it happens, you will never be the same again. 1
kalaslsl Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Maybe is a good thing you're like that. It saves you from a lot of unnecessary drama
El Brujo Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 The woman's not born yet who has the ability to love.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Your sister is just saying what anyone who gets married remembers in hindsight. Especially if they are getting married having not broken up and got back together during their courtship. I'm not calling your sister a liar but try not to take that recollection too seriously.
RiverRunning Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 Your sister is a history revisionist. She may not realize it, but she is. Her words are very common for people. If "everything works out in the end," you'll find a lot of people parrot words like your sister's: "I knew he was the one from the first date!" Had they broken up or gotten divorced, that story would turn into, "I knew in my gut that he wasn't the right one!" basically, people say what they feel will help affirm their choices. Not that I hope your sister divorces, but if she ever does, watch and see. There's a strong possibility that "I fell in love at first sight!" could transform into, "I knew it was a bad idea to marry him." The truth is? Most people do not know for sure if they are in love or if they have made the right choice during the initial stages of dating. I would even argue most of us aren't certain of that even on our wedding days: we may be 70% sure, 80% sure, even 90% sure. But people who claim to be totally, absolutely certainly they're COMPLETELY in love or COMPLETELY sure they're marrying the right person? It really just doesn't happen. Having doubt is normal: doubts about how much you love a partner, doubts about if they're the right one to marry, etc. It sounds like you are young and inexperienced - and for a lot of people, lust is the first stage of love. It's what motivates you to get closer and to learn more. And I think a lot of people assume that love is butterflies and all of that crazy excitement that comes with first dating someone. I felt butterflies with my first boyfriend, but not with my fiancee. It's not that I don't love my fiancee: I would argue that I love him more. But we never had that excitement and thrill and OMG feeling. It was more of, after a fight or a separation, "I really want to call him. This sucks. I hope this isn't the end of the relationship. I miss him. Can I deal with it if it's the end?" That was one of the ways I knew I loved him. But falling into the absolute certainty trap is exactly that...a trap. I have never been absolutely certain about anything, and most people are just the same. "Good enough" -settling in the GOOD way - is what you are looking for.
Author Izzi23 Posted October 6, 2012 Author Posted October 6, 2012 I totally get what you guys mean. But after her first date, she came home and told me that this guy is way different from her previous ones and how she sees herself marrying him one day. And guess what? It really came true. She never say that about her previous 3 boy friends. I'm just a bit skeptical about myself because I never have strong feelings for anyone before. I like someone because they are cute, or because they give me the attention..but there's never this guy who I feel like I want to stick with for the rest of my life.
fireandthud Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Not everyone gets to meet "the one", but those who do are lucky. Its complicated but yes it can happen and you realize the world is more complicated than it looks. It doesn't mean that these relationships are easy either. Take this from someone who used to sound like the people above.
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