sally1530 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Why are there so many guys in there late 30's , single , never been married, no kids and have not had any real serious relationships over a year... what is wrong with these guys? Are they committment phobic? Too immature to settle down, not the marrying type? Players? What is it!!! It scares me to go on dates with these guys because I dont think they are the settling down type , and will just sting you along until they find something better... Any advice?
Debster Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 My fiance was in his mid-30s when I met him. He had one long-term relationship way back in HS, and then short 3-month relationships afterwards. He said that he knew what he wanted and didn't want and it didn't take him long to figure out if this girl was a keeper. It wasn't commitment phobia with him.
fredrolin Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 I am 40 and married 7 years. I didn't really settle down until age 30. I have friends over 35 that have never been in a long term committed relationship, one friend is even 55. Several reasons; being self centered being too picky having habits that women don't like or they can't tolerate the women's bad habits having a fear of commitment being to immature they are only out for sex they are closet homosexuals basically no interest in having a relationship
Curt Posted July 27, 2004 Moderators Posted July 27, 2004 Well, I'm going to answer this one as an "early thirties" male, never married, no kids ... Sally1530, you asked several questions: Why are there so many guys in there late 30's , single , never been married, no kids and have not had any real serious relationships over a year... what is wrong with these guys?Are they committment phobic? My answer to this, is most definitely not! When I find that special woman to share my life with, I will want a committment as much, if not more, than she may. Too immature to settle down, not the marrying type? Hmmm ... Perhaps I'm a little immature for my age. I do know that I'm not as "buttoned down" as some of the people my age are. I tend to love having fun, and the scattered adrenaline rush doesn't go astray either. Immature? That might be harsh though, and I think that if I can find that special woman who loves having fun just as much as I do, (without drugs, alcohol, etc.) then I'll more than gladly slip a ring on her finger. Players? I hate men that act this way equally as much as I hate women who behave in the same fashion. They generally screw things up for the rest of us out there who do want to find that special person with which to share our lives. With so many players, the "reals" can be extremely difficult to find. I want a wife and family, and all that goes with it. Most of all, however, I want a relationship based on honesty, trust, committment, love, passion and companionship.These days, the order of the dating game includes: the rules, games, pride, divergent individualism, etc. I'm no longer certain if the "playing women" can be filtered out quickly enough to find a good woman to love, without spending a loooong time dating. Drama appears to be the order of today. Perhaps we are literally becoming actors in a real life media-driven game, where we will get no second night show. Sad, in my opinion. It scares me to go on dates with these guys because I dont think they are the settling down type , and will just sting you along until they find something better... That, in essence, is the crux of the problem. Those of us who are holding off for the right reasons, become confused and mistrusted because of the actions of those who are holding off, just to carve more notches in their bedposts. It appears to me, that never the twain shall meet. Curt
Author sally1530 Posted July 27, 2004 Author Posted July 27, 2004 Its nice to hear that some of the men in the 30's want a committed relationship that could lead to marriage... It seems so hard nowadays... dating seems more like interviewing for a job than being excited to meet someone new. I wish I could find the man of my dreams... Im tired of looking.... where are you????
Curt Posted July 27, 2004 Moderators Posted July 27, 2004 Originally posted by sally1530 Its nice to hear that some of the men in the 30's want a committed relationship that could lead to marriage... It seems so hard nowadays... dating seems more like interviewing for a job than being excited to meet someone new. I wish I could find the man of my dreams... Im tired of looking.... where are you???? I can understand the way you feel. The difference, as I see it, is that the "position" that we are really "interviewing for" when we date, is one where that person will really become part of ourselves, part of our own existence. The meaning of the choice would become undeniable when a child born from that partnership looks into our eyes for the first time. Choose wisely Shackers! Curt
fredrolin Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Originally posted by sally1530 I wish I could find the man of my dreams... Im tired of looking.... where are you???? I have dated many women that were looking for the "man of there dreams". These women had a set idea of what that man should look like, act like, and how they would live there lives together. These women drifted from relationship to relationship to try and change these men into there dream man only to fail. The only way 2 people can have a successful relationship is when each partner can learn to accept the other's lifestyle, habits, quirks etc. There is no man of your dreams...he's only a dream.
Author sally1530 Posted July 27, 2004 Author Posted July 27, 2004 Your right.... its a good way to look at it.
Pained Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Maybe they were busy focusing on their lives - getting degrees, building good careers, taking care of the families they already had, etc. You know, things we should be encouraging little girls to do instead of bombarding them with images of having to get a man.
InmannRoshi Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 They could also just be shy. Since men are expected to be the persuer and the who who makes the move, you can't be wallflower and expect to have any semblence of a lovelife if you're a guy. No one is going to ask you out.
joel Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 i probably be one of these guys too if i don;t start acting now lol. could be shyness myself 23 never dated kissed or sex with gal somethimes glas i didn't as hey i am disease free.but lonely and depressed at times when i see couples my age-hey shouldn't i be doing this dating game too! large part on me is shyness toward gals i am attracted to. i just go all nervous and s** was way worst when i was in HS now as i got older its better but still need improvement. my social skills are like sooo bad, ppl say i ask too many questions-well how else are u suppose to get to now someone if u don;t ask em questions. been toild i was inqustive.
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