complication1 Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 We're many dates in, she's a slower mover. On dates she's paid for stuff, held my hand, kissed me randomly, texts me while she's away, Facebook finds me to message me, calls me, etc. Monday she invited me over to her place to watch dinner and a movie. I go over, at the end of the movie she's naked and I got to finger her, briefly eat her out, and she masterbated while I sucked on her tits until she came. She didn't want sex yet, so she said "next time." Day after, her texts are unusually brief, but I give her a hint for a surprise date for Friday that she agreed to on Monday. Today, she messages me how she thinks I am getting more invested than she is ready to be and wants to back off. I tell her we can slow it down and I'm in no rush. She said okay and that she wanted to be honest because she's been on the other side previously. Told her that she can still join me since Friday's event (told her what it was) was already pre-paid for, and she said she'll still come and that we can talk more then. What happened? How does someone who initiated a lot of the conversation all of a sudden freak out when she messed around with me? How do I handle our date on Friday, do I kiss her as usual or just be hands off the entire time? Her: "Hey, it sounds like you have done a lot of planning for Friday and I am fe - Pastebin.com <-- the texts EDIT: She has said before she's a slow mover with sex. When we fooled around Monday, and this was after she got excited I was back and told me to come over even though our original plans were for Tuesday (she bought beer, snacks, we got a movie, and watched it then spent the night - talked dirty to her like ****, then did stuff as first post mentioned). Previously, she said she is having fun and taking the punches one by one, I did tell her I would want to be exclusive at some point but no rush. So, she knew my intention - and she's iterated a few times she is a slow mover with sex. She also was burned from an ex before, and tends to be skeptical of complements because " am a boy".
SmileFace Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 First things first. I like posts that start with sex stories - it really gets me going. Second. How about you sit her down and ask her what she wants. If she is telling you she wants to wait for sex - are you ok with waiting? Are you ok with the speed this is going at? It seems as if she likes you and just wants to take things slowly -- if ok with that I say wait - if not, move on. Plus : Is she dating anyone else?
Author complication1 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 First things first. I like posts that start with sex stories - it really gets me going. Second. How about you sit her down and ask her what she wants. If she is telling you she wants to wait for sex - are you ok with waiting? Are you ok with the speed this is going at? It seems as if she likes you and just wants to take things slowly -- if ok with that I say wait - if not, move on. Plus : Is she dating anyone else? Thanks for the fast response, hope you read the texts. She said we can talk about it tomorrow. I just fear that me being honest and curious is going to make me put pressure on her. I fear that she isn't into me, and I don't know how to interpret her texts at all. I will wait. I doubt she's seeing anyone else. But, I'd need to know I'm not waiting with no end thing in her mind. If I can go in indifferent, fun, no pressure on her, and let her bring it up and I ask and then be indifferent and then go LOW key as hell (no contacting her), it may work...but I wouldn't be getting how I feel out.
SmileFace Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Have you actually discussed about her seeing other guys?
Author complication1 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 Have you actually discussed about her seeing other guys? Nope. To the extent that we've talked about it, she's mentioned how she now uses okcupid, how we met, to meet single girls because most of her girlfriends are married.
todreaminblue Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 We're many dates in, she's a slower mover. On dates she's paid for stuff, held my hand, kissed me randomly, texts me while she's away, Facebook finds me to message me, calls me, etc. Monday she invited me over to her place to watch dinner and a movie. I go over, at the end of the movie she's naked and I got to finger her, briefly eat her out, and she masterbated while I sucked on her tits until she came. She didn't want sex yet, so she said "next time." Day after, her texts are unusually brief, but I give her a hint for a surprise date for Friday that she agreed to on Monday. Today, she messages me how she thinks I am getting more invested than she is ready to be and wants to back off. I tell her we can slow it down and I'm in no rush. She said okay and that she wanted to be honest because she's been on the other side previously. Told her that she can still join me since Friday's event (told her what it was) was already pre-paid for, and she said she'll still come and that we can talk more then. What happened? How does someone who initiated a lot of the conversation all of a sudden freak out when she messed around with me? How do I handle our date on Friday, do I kiss her as usual or just be hands off the entire time? Her: "Hey, it sounds like you have done a lot of planning for Friday and I am fe - Pastebin.com <-- the texts EDIT: She has said before she's a slow mover with sex. When we fooled around Monday, and this was after she got excited I was back and told me to come over even though our original plans were for Tuesday (she bought beer, snacks, we got a movie, and watched it then spent the night - talked dirty to her like ****, then did stuff as first post mentioned). Previously, she said she is having fun and taking the punches one by one, I did tell her I would want to be exclusive at some point but no rush. So, she knew my intention - and she's iterated a few times she is a slow mover with sex. She also was burned from an ex before, and tends to be skeptical of complements because " am a boy". a lot of women become skeptical when they have been burnt or taken advantage of by men as far as compliments go.....taken with a grain of salt.......you sound like the type of guy who is willing to take it slow i read the texts and that is what i feel is what she wants.....take it day by day she wont lead you on ...she is honest and doesnt want to burn you it is up to you if you want to take it slow...she is going to be honest with you anyway....best wishes in life and love....deb
Author complication1 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 i read the texts and that is what i feel is what she wants.....take it day by day she wont lead you on ...she is honest and doesnt want to burn you it is up to you if you want to take it slow...she is going to be honest with you anyway....best wishes in life and love....deb Thank you for your post. What suggests she is still interested? I do admit, after messing around when previously she iterated multiple times she wants to go slow, that by then saying, "Hey, big surprise! Here's hints!!" it may overwhelm her if she's a slow mover.
todreaminblue Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Thank you for your post. What suggests she is still interested? I do admit, after messing around when previously she iterated multiple times she wants to go slow, that by then saying, "Hey, big surprise! Here's hints!!" it may overwhelm her if she's a slow mover. its hard when you are naturally a slow mover .....because you still have desire to go further but you find it difficult and a bti overwhe4lming.....you feel liek you shouldnt be that way so you fight it....that is the push pull reflex ...you jump into impulse control and that is where things go askew......that is why i know she still likes you adn wants to go slow....number one....she has let you do things to her that are in her personal space and extremely intimate......2 she changes after doing these things 3 she said no worries and became calmer after you still wanted to see her....i would even say she looks at you as a potential long term partner and is feeling insecure about allowing intimacy to happen to early where she says she has invested too much before she is =scared of doing so again...its projection maybe....look i dont know this girl....except to say that is what i read from her texts and what you have posted....i would wait if you arent interested in anyone else but her....what do you have to lose....she will be honest anyway.......love relationships arent always a straightforward journey the more time you spend together as friends the better you will get to know her and what she is feeling i feel she is interested in you more than a friend guaranteed...by her moving fast on the intimacy its more than friendship she seeks......doesnt mean she is happy with that though...in saying all this...you can choose to discard my advice or take it use what you can i post it from a good place....best wishes.....deb
Author complication1 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 (edited) its hard when you are naturally a slow mover .....because you still have desire to go further but you find it difficult and a bti overwhe4lming.....you feel liek you shouldnt be that way so you fight it....that is the push pull reflex ...you jump into impulse control and that is where things go askew......that is why i know she still likes you adn wants to go slow....number one....she has let you do things to her that are in her personal space and extremely intimate......2 she changes after doing these things 3 she said no worries and became calmer after you still wanted to see her....i would even say she looks at you as a potential long term partner and is feeling insecure about allowing intimacy to happen to early where she says she has invested too much before she is =scared of doing so again...its projection maybe....look i dont know this girl....except to say that is what i read from her texts and what you have posted....i would wait if you arent interested in anyone else but her....what do you have to lose....she will be honest anyway.......love relationships arent always a straightforward journey the more time you spend together as friends the better you will get to know her and what she is feeling i feel she is interested in you more than a friend guaranteed...by her moving fast on the intimacy its more than friendship she seeks......doesnt mean she is happy with that though...in saying all this...you can choose to discard my advice or take it use what you can i post it from a good place....best wishes.....deb Thank you Deb! So, tomorrow when I see her, should I be hands off? Or, kiss her as usual, and let her lead more and just have a great time? Though, Deb, or anyone for that matter, why would she need to back off knowing I'm more invested than she is ready to be? That doesn't make sense, doesn't it mean she should tell me to slow it down? Edited October 5, 2012 by complication1
todreaminblue Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Thank you Deb! So, tomorrow when I see her, should I be hands off? Or, kiss her as usual, and let her lead more and just have a great time? Though, Deb, or anyone for that matter, why would she need to back off knowing I'm more invested than she is ready to be? That doesn't make sense, doesn't it mean she should tell me to slow it down? kiss her as usual and go from there.....i don't mean tongue down the throat just an affectionate kiss...she will lead you ......she is invested she just needs space to deal with that maybe...again.....you know her.....the fact that she is honest with her feelings is a sign of investment....when someone is like that it is because they care and caring about someone is the first step to investing in someone..... i believe she will let you know...that is my opinion judging by her honesty that you have explained she has......spend time with just you and her get to know her, dont be disinterested and then as you do the relationship if it is meant to be will progress at a level that is good for both ...hang off on the heavy petting.....that's possibly adding to her feelings of doubt.....ill send some hope your way that it works out for the both of you....deb
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