nugget_718 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Hello all, I came upon this forum in search for some enlightenment regarding my current situation. I'm currently in an LDR for a little over a year with the Atlantic separating me and my SO. I guess you can say that our R is the over cliched "love at 1st sight". He was an employee of the company I worked for but based overseas. We met on his 1st visit to the company and he pursued me since day one. 2 weeks after we met, he came back on his own personal time in hopes of making the relationship official. We are both mature professionals who knows what we want so the courting period is very short. There really is no time for games since we are 6,000 miles apart. It has been very good for the past 13 months; seeing each other once a month for a week each time and have gone on 2 holidays (Caribbean and Italy) within that timespan. And everytime he comes for a visit, we have our mini-holiday as we call it. I have been to UK once last year but only for 2 days as it was only to collect him so we can fly to Italy together. Have not had the chance to meet his family as the R was still so new when I went there and I felt that it wasn't the right time. My dilemma is, he just started a new job last month and he has been travelling non-stop to see customers and for the territory hand off. Due to this, the R had suffered and had taken a backseat. We have not seen each other for more than 2 months now and the communication seems to be more argument than encouragement. We are both frustrated; me for not seeing him this long and him for the relentless travel which prohibits him from making plans to come out to see me. I can't even fly to him because he is always on the move from country to country all over EU and Middle East. And when he goes home, it's only for a day or 2, enough time to pack a new bag for yet another new country/customer to visit. I am stretch to my limit trying to understand the challenging situation he is in but I admit I am getting to the point where I am ready to quit. We both said we love each other and to be fair to him, he's always reaching out. 95% of the time, he initiates contact only because he is already wide awake by the time I get up in the morning. But nevertheless, not a day goes by where we don't connect. So I guess my question is, for you guys out there who has been in LDR for a while, how do you sustain the relationship when it gets to the point where on is crazy busy.
justwhoiam Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 First off, if he's in Europe and you're in Cali, there's a whole continent + ocean separating the two of you, not just the Atlantic, and it's not a 6,000 mile distance. If a couple of months away from one another are able to make your feelings go away, you thought it was love, but it wasn't. You need to really want it to make it work. So you need to see what you really want and the extent/deepness of your feelings. Maybe this time will be good for you both.
Author nugget_718 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 Thank u for your reply Justwhoiam. I do want this to work. We both do. Were not young anymore. I'm in my late 30's, he's mid 40's. This is the 1st LDR for both of us and we don't know what to expect. All we know is that we both want to be together and we've already come to the conclusion that he will move here; on his own accord. He is working on doing that which is why he started with this new company because the likelihood of him to have N. America as his territory is high. And when that happens, he can call California his home too.
justwhoiam Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Thank u for your reply Justwhoiam. You're welcome. Were not young anymore. I'm in my late 30's Same for me. But don't say it too loud, there are people in their 50s here and above. So the "we're not young anymore" is really relative. he's mid 40's Late 40s in my case. I'm going through a bad moment myself, so I won't add anything. I'm exhausted.
Author nugget_718 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 I'm going through a bad moment myself, so I won't add anything. I'm exhausted. So sorry to hear that you are going through a bad moment. I suppose you are also one of us whose in an LDR. I'd like to know your story if you can guide me to your original post. Nice to meet you BTW.
justwhoiam Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 Some stories here are very similar to one another. Others are pretty unique or quite uncommon. Mine falls into the latter. I hope everything goes well with yours. There are some tough times. Again, two months is not much. Look at the big picture. There are people who can't meet for 2 years in a row. Pretty hard. You can read stories around this forum and get to know about other people and what they are going through.
gamman Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 (edited) As someone who was in a long-term, long-distance relationship the answer to this question is... you don't. Given their very nature, it's very difficult, almost impossible, to meet your emotional, mental, and physical needs through a LDR. After finally being able to walk away from my LDR, it became pretty clear, although painful and hard to accept, that the relationship was based just as much on fantasy, longing, and fear as it was love. I'm not saying LDR can't ever work. I think maybe the best encouragement is to look at things logically so that you don't continue to sink into a cycle of pain that you are feeling. Is it realistic that he will actually move close by, and I mean concrete, definitive plans, not just hope or that it seems possible? And also a time frame, maybe a deadline of when this will happen by? I'd guess that if something big doesn't change in this relationship -- i.e., him actually moving close to you and being able to actually spend time together -- your feelings of stress, unhappiness, and being unfulfilled will continue to get worse and worse as your needs are being met less and less. It's not really anyone's fault. It's often just the nature of these types of relationships. Then again, I could be totally wrong, too. Good luck. Edited October 6, 2012 by gamman
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