Regrets58 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) Hi been split up since January(dumpee). Lot of contact with ex after BU,but minimal contact since June. Had 3 seperate months of total NC since then,interspersed with short spells of text/email contact. Contact always initiated by her and as months have gone on, has progressively affected me less. We are both seeing other people now. My new lady is lovely we are taking things slowly,but very promising. Had text from ex yesterday(after 5 weeks NC) asking how I was doing, saying how pleased she was my new R was going well. My Daughter is friends with ex and must have been updating her! Was a nice chatty text and good to hear from her. Had a minor wobble though for a few hours and has convinced me it's slightly too soon for friends. Will go to ground for another couple of months and see how I feel. Really think this desire of her's to keep in touch is genuine,I hope so. Feel almost fine about her being in touch,it's good. See how it goes over next few months,we could pull this friends thing off. Edited October 4, 2012 by Regrets58 incompete sentence!
River Rain Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 May I ask you, and this is genuine of me, why do you want to be friends with your ex? I've never had the desire to want them in my life again, whether I was dumped or the dumper. What purpose does it serve? I don't see the point at all but I've read so many people on here want that scenario. Can you explain it?
Author Regrets58 Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 River,hard one to answer but will try. Had a lot of time together after split,talked about her reasons for ending things. Managed to get some closure and both came out of it with a certain regard for each other. We are not talking best of friends here,we may never meet up. Would most likely be an odd text/email,like keeping in touch with a friend in another country?
River Rain Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I guess, to me, it would be like trying to hold on to what could never be. I understand leaving on civil terms, but I guess when I think of friendship, I think of people I see often and enjoy their company, not someone who I had a failed romance with. I think there would always be some kind of memory that clouds things. I've seen ex's and I tend to avoid them, but if they say hi, I just say hello back and I'm on my way. Oh well, thanks for trying, but I think my view is too black and white on that subject!
Dreamless Sleep Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 While breaking up and finally separating I thought I could be friends with my ex. After all we have 3 kids and so much shared history. For me it hasn't been healthy. I've found myself either fantasizing about the life that was supposed to be or bitter about what was done to me. I'm finding that I'm happier, sleeping better and less obsessive as I create more walls and distance.
River Rain Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 While breaking up and finally separating I thought I could be friends with my ex. After all we have 3 kids and so much shared history. For me it hasn't been healthy. I've found myself either fantasizing about the life that was supposed to be or bitter about what was done to me. I'm finding that I'm happier, sleeping better and less obsessive as I create more walls and distance. Well, if kids are involved, I think that's a different story, you kind of have no choice but to be in each other's lives. I'd probably not be good with that though either, it would be a constant reminder and always opening the wound. I'm ultra-sensitive though, I think that's why I need zero contact and distance too. Sorry you're having a hard time with that, I can't imagine it would be easy at all.
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