SevenYearItch Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) I'm not exactly sure where to start... I've been married for almost 5 years, I got married at the age of 18.. I was one of those girls who fell head over heels in love with my boyfriend.. Things moved rather quickly and all of a sudden we were married.. On our wedding day, we fought the entire day.. I should of know what was in store for myself.. A couple weeks after getting married we moved back up north due to my new husband losing his job.. Fast forward 2 years.. Myself and my husband had a lot of problems throughout the last couple of years.. Not a surprise I was still a teenager.. I had no real concept of what a marriage was, he was my first real boyfriend and he wasn't exactly husband material.. I wanted more of a physical relationship and he just wanted to work and have me clean and cook dinner. During those 2 years, i found my true love.. Border Collies.. I fell in love with a very special girl who later gave me 7 gorgeous puppies.. One of those puppies ended up being re-homed to a guy I have a hard time getting out of my head.. After re-homing the puppy the owner and I soon became close friends. We could chat for hours, it seemed like we would never run out of anything to talk about. 2 months after placing this puppy with him. We spoke about getting the puppies together. We met up in the middle of us. He lived 4 hours away at the time. During the meeting, we were both talked about everything At one point he asked me out for coffee. At the time, i brushed it off and didn't answer him. We both ended up leaving to go home (to our own homes). After that we both kept in contact and still would talk a lot. About 8 months later, Myself and my husband traveled out to where he lived to meet up again. We spent the weekend with him and our 3 border collies. It was VERY awkward to have my husband around, but i could still feel something between me and this other guy. The day we were leaving we went out to lunch, i sat across from him.. It was honestly one of the best times in my life. Even though i wasn't with him, he made me feel no way my husband has ever made me feel. He made me feel beautiful and special.. We all went back to his house to say our goodbyes and to pick up my 2 dogs. We hugged and said goodbye and went home. After arriving home, my husband blew up at me (wasn't a surprise). Let me remind you all, that we were never happy together. We constantly fought. I had enough of being in a loveless marriage that I brought up getting divorced, he agreed. Even though we both wanted to get divorced it still hurt.. I loved him, i just wasn't in love with him and vice versa. Right after I got online and started to talk to the puppy owner.. He was there for me and told me if I ever needed anything not to hesitate to ask. He told me it would be wise to move out to the state that he lived in. My husband and I at the time were separated but still living together. Neither one of us had any place to go. About 6 months later, the puppy buyer messages me and tells me that we should get together again. This time he invited me to stay over at his house for the weekend.. I jumped on the opportunity and told him, i'd love to.. As time got closer things just seemed a little odd between the 2 of us. We'd hardly ever talk anymore. So i told him I wouldn't be coming over.. That I had to work that weekend (lie, i took the weekend off to go see him) Now.. 11 months later.. My husband and I worked things out to the best of our ability. He moved away a month after I was suppose to go see the puppy buyer.. So i was staying alone at our house. Whenever my husband would come home for visits it seemed like the puppy buyer would text or message me the most.. Soon the texting and messaging came to a halt. I hadn't heard anything from him in a while, except the occasional photo here and there of the puppy that he took.. I stopped thinking of him for the longest time.. Out of the blue he messages me and tells me it would be wonderful to get our dogs together before winter came.. I agreed.. So we will be meeting next week.. Now all of a sudden these feelings that he made me feel are overpowering my body. I can't keep him out of my head now. Maybe this little bit of information won't make me seem so horrible. My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years, married for almost 5. I can count on my 2 hands the amount of times we've had sex! We barely kiss or cuddle! I can't remember the last time we went on a date. Most of the time it feels like we stay together for comfort.. I'm packing a couple of pounds and my husband often reminds me of this. So maybe this is why I enjoyed talking to the puppy buyer.. I'm truly not sure what to think of all of this. My sister knows all about it and she told me to meet up with him, just remind myself that nothing will ever come of it. As true as it is, I just want her to understand me.. Sorry for making this so long, hopefully someone on here can relate.. Edited October 4, 2012 by SevenYearItch
TigerCub Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 You say that you and your husband are back together - but what changed? Do you still fight? Do you still not have sex and intimacy? Are you there just because its comfortable? Are you still unhappy? If most of these issues did not change/improve or even get discussed and at least attempted to work on - do you really see being with him forever? Do you really picture a happy "forever" with him? The thing about the dog owner is that he's an escape and when you fantasize about him and want to test the limits and flirt with him and the idea that this new man is making you feel like your husband isn't - its only going to lead to more attachment and more hurt. If you're taking your husband back - commit to that and stop contact with the dog owner - Definitely DO NOT go to see him. Cut him off. If you want to flirt with him and carry on and see where this goes, then be honest with your husband and end the marriage. Sitting on the fence, you'll only invite trouble and hurt and you will hurt not only yourself, but your husband as well. I'll say it, you got married too young and it was to your first real boyfriend. You never experienced anything else and now you're wondering about other people and what you might have missed out on. If that's the case and you don't think things will be fixed with your husband (with real effort on both your parts), then make a clean break, because its cruel to keep him around when you're clearly paving the way to some shinanigans with mr. dog owner (you can deny it, but that's what you are hinting at) - and that's where it will lead if you let it. Either **** or get off the pot. Meaning: Either commit to the marriage and work on it with your husband or drop him and have at it with the other guy. If you're not happy - don't use that as an excuse to do wrong, just use it as real logic to either fix a marriage or get a divorce.
Author SevenYearItch Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 You say that you and your husband are back together - but what changed? Do you still fight? yes Do you still not have sex and intimacy?Nope, i can't remember the last time we did anything Are you there just because its comfortable?Yes, I feel its the same for him as well. Are you still unhappy?Sometimes, i try to not let it bother me anymore. I have my dogs to keep me busy If most of these issues did not change/improve or even get discussed and at least attempted to work on - do you really see being with him forever? Do you really picture a happy "forever" with him? The thing about the dog owner is that he's an escape and when you fantasize about him and want to test the limits and flirt with him and the idea that this new man is making you feel like your husband isn't - its only going to lead to more attachment and more hurt. If you're taking your husband back - commit to that and stop contact with the dog owner - Definitely DO NOT go to see him. Cut him off. If you want to flirt with him and carry on and see where this goes, then be honest with your husband and end the marriage. Sitting on the fence, you'll only invite trouble and hurt and you will hurt not only yourself, but your husband as well. I'll say it, you got married too young and it was to your first real boyfriend. You never experienced anything else and now you're wondering about other people and what you might have missed out on. If that's the case and you don't think things will be fixed with your husband (with real effort on both your parts), then make a clean break, because its cruel to keep him around when you're clearly paving the way to some shinanigans with mr. dog owner (you can deny it, but that's what you are hinting at) - and that's where it will lead if you let it. Either **** or get off the pot. Meaning: Either commit to the marriage and work on it with your husband or drop him and have at it with the other guy. If you're not happy - don't use that as an excuse to do wrong, just use it as real logic to either fix a marriage or get a divorce. I agree with everything you say. Its just hard! I can't stop contact with the puppy owner like that. I need to make sure the dog is happy and healthy and still doing well. I still have the mother and plan on breeding her again, so any news is good news. As for my husband, we hashed things out. He promised to change, he did for like a week and then it went back to the way it was. Now I really have no place to go. We sold our other house, so I plan on moving, i will end up back with my parents and that's not an option..
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