OWENRICH Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 PLEASE HELP ME WITH MY ISSUES. I do not want to lose my wife and son. they are my life and not seeing them everyday would destroy me and my life. I am a good husband and spend all my spare time with them. My wife wants to file but hasnt done it yet because she has no job and doesnt think she can get her own place because of it. but yet she hasnt looked for a job either. she wont go back to couseling with me after just one visit because she says talking to someone cant change how a person feels. Our son is a great kid and we have done a great job raising him and now his world is also going to be turned upside down and inside out. what am i to do. all i can get out of her is she is unhappy and loves me as a person but not as a husband anymore and "thinks" life would be better elsewhere. i dont know what to do.
HokeyReligions Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Is the counseling helping you? Did you get anything out of the one session? Did you talk with the counselor about how to communicate this to you son, and what he may need from you now? I'm sorry she won't go with you. It might not change her feelings, but it might help her to understand yours and how her attitude affects you and your son. Have you tried the <removed> website? Maybe there is some information there that will help you to cope with this. Also, talk to an attorney about divorce and custody. I know you love your wife, but if she doesn't love you back there is nothing you can do. Its unhealthy to stay in a one-sided relationship. You deserve to be happy too. If you sue for custody and you keep the house, then she will have to get a job to move out. Maybe she can live with a friend or other relative while she is looking for a job. You could use the counseling as a bargaining tool. If she won't go with you and participate, then she has to get out. Talk to an attorney about handling this situation legally, and to a counselor about coping and communicating right now. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Firegirl04 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. If she won't go to counseling with you, go by yourself. Also ask her to go seperate sessions. Who knows what is going through her mind?! All I can suggest is to be there for you son. Yes this will be rough on him. Let him know everyday that you love him.
HoldOn Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Man, it's so sad that people don't take marriage seriously these days. Just because she "is unhappy." My question is that if she loves you (as a person), then obviously the problem is with herself and not with you. Unless of course there is something she isn't telling you. Sorry this is happening. Ask her -- What would it hurt to go to counselling? It will either save your marriage or it won't? What is the problem with going? (It's not like she has a job to interfere with her schedule!)
Author OWENRICH Posted July 27, 2004 Author Posted July 27, 2004 This will be difficult and I have asked her why not try counseling and her response is that she doesnt want to waste any more of our time and wants us to move on. she is not sure what will make her happy but being married she says is not working. she says i am a great father and husband but she is no longer atracted to me and is not in love with me but still loves me as a person. she still does things for me and asks me to watch movies with her and things like that so I think she is confused about the whole thing. I tell her i dont want to lose her and our son and want to work things out but she says she doesnt think she could be happy staying married to me. "doesnt think" so does this mean she is not sure???? I dont know how to approach her and talk because all she wants to talk about is what are we going to do about the divorce and living situations. I tell her i do not want to sell the house or move out and i want our son to stay in the house with both of us but of course that statement doesnt go over well...... the only people she talks to are two people that has been recently divorced. I dont make lots of money and i dont want to lose my son seeing him each day and her make me happy and fullfill me
HoldOn Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 she is not sure what will make her happy If she doesn't know what will make her happy... Then why not go to counselling and find out what's wrong. Ask her, what if, what IF, counselling does help you two put your lives back together. Isn't that worth a little more time? And doesn't she care enough about her son, to let him grow up with two parents. If she was really sooooo concerned with ending it quickly, then why doesn't she get a job! If I were you, I would fight every step of the divorce and tell her you are going for full custody of your son. How will she fight back with no money? Considering she is the one going for divorce AND she is unwilling to work on it AND she has no income, I think you might be able to get custody.
Firegirl04 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Sounds to me like she might not be sure. but like HOLDON said... if she really wants this then fight for full custody.
Author OWENRICH Posted July 27, 2004 Author Posted July 27, 2004 I want to try to get custody but i live in a state that is pro mother. meaning in order for me to have custody she would have to just say okay or i would have to prove her to be unfit beyond a resonable doubt with hard tangible proof. and yelling at our son and cussing at him isnt enough. i wish i could just make her dissapear and then reappear when our son wants to see her. I need to win the lottery maybe and then i can just stay home and not work and buy her off. miracles do happen somethimes i guess. I really wish i knew what to do or who to talk too. i dont want a lawyer that all they want is a paycheck.
Firegirl04 Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Doesn't matter if you live in a pro-mother state or not. Unfit is unfit. She has a anger management problem, she has NO JOB!!! -- how can she support a child with no job. Child support is not enough. It doesn't take a whole lot to prove her unfit.
HoldOn Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 I really wish i knew what to do or who to talk too. i dont want a lawyer that all they want is a paycheck. I'm sure there's a decent lawyer somewhere! Get recommendations from people. Don't lose hope!
amish Posted July 28, 2004 Posted July 28, 2004 I want to try to get custody but i live in a state that is pro mother.Ummm....all of them?
lioness Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 I need to win the lottery maybe and then i can just stay home and not work and buy her off. miracles do happen somethimes i guess. Time to stop dreaming and come back to earth! If you want to come out on top here you have to take action and not wait around for her to call the shots. Take control of your life. Get an attorney before she does and you have no leverage anymore.
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