dan4120 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 My wife of 4 years left me for another man on August 5, 2012. She has not yet told anyone about her new boyfriend and the little I know is from what I have heard from one of her sisters. I was happy being with this woman, I really was. I was not 'confident' enough for her, so she says. This was her second round of cheating/leaving that she did, I know it is truly the end of our relationship. She left not me. I have accepted this fact but I hold a little hope. Who doesn't? I do not think I would be human if I didn't have that. The messed up part is that she wants to be my friend and lead me on for an entire month and even slept with me in a drunken state. She has a stupid power over me that I cannot stand, it makes me so horny and crazy. I don't know what that is, I think of her and I get horny. That only happened on occasion in our marriage toward the end. Now I cannot stop thinking about her body. Mind you she did not have the best body either, I see girls at the gym that are downright hot, but only she peeks my interest. So mentally I am screwed and sexually too, I have not spoken to her or been around her in over a week. I hope this keeps me straight, it is not as bad since I have cut her off. So this is my rant. I have started a blog about my daily struggles. Please check it out. www.workingthroughthecrap.blogspot.com
Dreamless Sleep Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I'll try to check your blog later. I hurt everyday. Obsessive at times. What has helped is to completely remove myself from her sphere. I unfortunately must see her due to our kids. But I no longer answer her texts or calls. I unfriended and blocked her and her new guy from FB. I have completely disengaged from her. It has helped me tremendously. Before I was really ambivalent with women. Now I am gaining the freedom to not compare or contrast. Good luck. I've been out 4 months but really much longer. It's going to get better. 1
Author dan4120 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 Dreamless, Thanks for the kind words.
Real2Real Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 My wife of 4 years left me for another man on August 5, 2012. She has not yet told anyone about her new boyfriend and the little I know is from what I have heard from one of her sisters. I was happy being with this woman, I really was. I was not 'confident' enough for her, so she says. This was her second round of cheating/leaving that she did, I know it is truly the end of our relationship. She left not me. I have accepted this fact but I hold a little hope. Who doesn't? I do not think I would be human if I didn't have that. The messed up part is that she wants to be my friend and lead me on for an entire month and even slept with me in a drunken state. She has a stupid power over me that I cannot stand, it makes me so horny and crazy. I don't know what that is, I think of her and I get horny. That only happened on occasion in our marriage toward the end. Now I cannot stop thinking about her body. Mind you she did not have the best body either, I see girls at the gym that are downright hot, but only she peeks my interest. So mentally I am screwed and sexually too, I have not spoken to her or been around her in over a week. I hope this keeps me straight, it is not as bad since I have cut her off. So this is my rant. I have started a blog about my daily struggles. Please check it out. www.workingthroughthecrap.blogspot.com I am sorry to hear that. Have similar situation... takes time and patience. Work on yourself! First change foto on your profile Now she is with OM, your arguments and words worths to her nothing. You are back up plan at this moment. For me NC helps a lot and lots of sports, Tennis is perfect. I know sounds strange but at least try to enjoy life, it is different because she is not with you and little bit scary, but youll see little by little how beautiful it is. Take care. She doesnt realise what she lost... when, maybe she will realise you will be the one who decides...
yessy21 Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 i wonder why your mind finds her more irresistible now then before... hmmm.
FocusOnMe Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 I am sorry to hear that. Have similar situation... takes time and patience. Work on yourself! First change foto on your profile Now she is with OM, your arguments and words worths to her nothing. You are back up plan at this moment. For me NC helps a lot and lots of sports, Tennis is perfect. I know sounds strange but at least try to enjoy life, it is different because she is not with you and little bit scary, but youll see little by little how beautiful it is. Take care. She doesnt realise what she lost... when, maybe she will realise you will be the one who decides... I totally agree with you and I have been told that I am a back up plan too, but honestly, now, he has not contacted me. I dont think Im a back up plan at all. I think he just wants to be in contact with me because of our dog, but now he hasnt even asked to see the dog. So I suppose the divorce papers are on the way.......
FocusOnMe Posted October 5, 2012 Posted October 5, 2012 i wonder why your mind finds her more irresistible now then before... hmmm. I do not think about having sex with my ex at all....I just think about him coming back to me and loving me again the way he used to, but I am realizing that is never going to happen. The marriage is over and he's never coming back and its killing me, literally! Im in such a funk that I cannot stop thinking of ways to get back at him and his bowling skank, which would only embarrass myself. They probably are laughing at me :'(((((
Steadfast Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 There is little you can do to stop the sexual attraction. With time and training (reprogramming the mind) that desire will slowly fade. The upside of this is the room you'll have in your heart for someone else, someday. Then again, there may always be a certain amount of physical attraction for her...even if you're with someone else. Don't let it bother you and don't worry about it. That falls under being human. All that said, demand better for yourself by not falling for her advancements. She's using you. Step one of healing is rebuilding your self esteem. Being used destroys self esteem. Most of us will never become male models, but we can make ourselves the best we can be with diet and training. I run, lift weights (20-minutes a day) and eat whatever I want. The only difference is, the portion is half what it used to be. If we feel better physically, we feel better mentally. Do this. Accept her choice and judge her character when you start missing her. Living with a cheater isn't living. You can turn this into a positive, but first you must want it. You must want to be happy before you can be happy. Post often friend. Many have walked your path and prospered. You can too. 2
riverratt Posted October 6, 2012 Posted October 6, 2012 There is little you can do to stop the sexual attraction. With time and training (reprogramming the mind) that desire will slowly fade. The upside of this is the room you'll have in your heart for someone else, someday. Then again, there may always be a certain amount of physical attraction for her...even if you're with someone else. Don't let it bother you and don't worry about it. That falls under being human. All that said, demand better for yourself by not falling for her advancements. She's using you. Step one of healing is rebuilding your self esteem. Being used destroys self esteem. Most of us will never become male models, but we can make ourselves the best we can be with diet and training. I run, lift weights (20-minutes a day) and eat whatever I want. The only difference is, the portion is half what it used to be. If we feel better physically, we feel better mentally. Do this. Accept her choice and judge her character when you start missing her. Living with a cheater isn't living. You can turn this into a positive, but first you must want it. You must want to be happy before you can be happy. I will give a +100 on this. Very well put.. 1
yessy21 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I do not think about having sex with my ex at all....I just think about him coming back to me and loving me again the way he used to, but I am realizing that is never going to happen. The marriage is over and he's never coming back and its killing me, literally! Im in such a funk that I cannot stop thinking of ways to get back at him and his bowling skank, which would only embarrass myself. They probably are laughing at me :'((((( NO! dont think like that. it gets better. time, everything takes time. it took me years and lots of tears to understand that concept. i noticed that when i get dumped i feel more attraction towards that person.
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