yuppup Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Why is my ex doing this? You can look over my older threads, but the quick story is my ex broke up with me when my dog past away last month after 3 years of a very rocky relationship. I totally agree that we are better off without each other, but after using me as a therapist whenever she was going through something, I was pretty ticked off she threw me away the one time I needed her. She "plays the victim" a lot. To mutual friends, my friends, and my family, she's always placing blame on me for all of our downfalls. She would even call my mom to cry to her about my not being there enough. During the entire length of the relationship she felt that her feelings were being ignored and she would literally bombard me with them whenever she'd be a bit manic. I mean, 200+ texts a day, plus countless phone calls. It got THAT bad. Fast forward to now, she's been ignoring me the past 4 weeks. For the first 2 weeks, I tried reasoning with her and explaining why I was so hurt since she wasn't there for me. (She was actually with her friends the 4 days after my dog past, smoking and drinking, when all I wanted was for her to come have a cup of tea with me to talk). Finally I gave up and took on NC and have been working on moving forward with my life. Well earlier this week she sent me an email with no words from her except for an attachment containing past conversations we've had online. Most of them were convos of times we were arguing during one of her blow-ups about me supposedly not being there for her. Why is she doing this?! Is she still trying to make me feel guilt that I'll never feel? All the love in the whole wide world wouldn't make this girl satisfied. I was there for her beyond what is expected of a lover, and the second I needed her she dipped out. How can she place blame like that?! Is she trying to make sure she still has a hold on me? Is she finally realizing she screwed up and is trying to convince herself, as well as me, that I was the one that neglected her? I just don't get it. I'm so ticked off that after 4 weeks she reaches out with this crap. When I'm finally starting to feel better! Why is she doing this? And yes, the relationship was extremely emotionally abusive. She would dangle her attention over my head and if I did something "wrong" I was usually ignored. I noticed she'd pick fights with me a few days prior to her planned weekend off, perhaps so she could ignore me and drink/smoke with her friends all weekend. It got so bad that I started doing the same. The only difference was I'd take my space just so I could get a moment of peace by myself. I want to know why she's doing this. Not because I want her back, I truly hate her at this point. I'm curious what her thought process is though.
january2011 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I'm sorry about your dog. With regard to your question, you went NC. She hasn't heard from you. So she's throwing a breadcrumb to see if you'll respond. However, since you are meant to be adopting NC, you should also have her emails and contact numbers blocked. NC = no new hurts. That means that you need to stop allowing your ex to insert herself into your life whenever she feels like it. Delete the email and block her. 1
Author yuppup Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 I'm sorry for the double post, I'm just really freaking mad. Especially at myself for putting up with this crap for so long. I was accused of cheating and for not loving her for the entire length of the relationship. If I wanted to leave her house and asked her to take me home, I'd be accused of having someone waiting there for me. Really, I was just getting a migraine and knew I had to get home to my bed and meds. If I didn't "let" her go out with her friends to party hardy, I was controlling. If I wanted to go out with mine the few times I did, I was cheating. I couldn't make new friends of either gender without her freaking out. I couldn't get a new job without her thinking I'd sleep with a coworker. She even said it before that she'd be jealous when I get a new job. I just was so restricted with this person, and her constant jealousy made me jealous and scared of what she was possibly doing behind my back. I'm so mad that I spent 3 years with someone like that. Someone who couldn't even listen to my request that she not smoke before a date of ours because she'd be boring and stare at her feet while we're supposed to be having our time together.
Author yuppup Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 Thank you january. I have to figure out how to block her on gmail. I had a filter up, but I noticed I started checking the trashbin once in awhile to see if she ever tried contacting me. I'm out of that cycle now tho. Blah. 1
january2011 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I'm not familiar with using Gmail filters, yuppup, but I'd imagine that if it's anything like Outlook, you might be able to set up a filter to delete the email permanently so that you won't have to deal with it in the trash bin. As to your additional post, I think it sounds like you dodged a bullet. You now know what you don't want in a relationship. That's very useful in helping you to filter out the women who won't make great relationship partners. Good luck in your healing!
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