How long have you waited?

[Hp1991]

Hi everyone. I just can't get my mind off this subject and it has been bugging me for quite some time. Some background info : I'm 21, and bf is 29 . We have been dating for the past 2 years and I feel like he wants a serious relationship. I too also want something marriage potential as I'm tired of having the same game played on me. The fact that he is almost 30 means that he wants to get married ofcourse soon. I have no issue with this. ( I know most would disapprove and say there are so many things I haven't experienced).

It ties in with myself being a Sri Lankan- Tamil . There are things that aren't approved in our culture such as dating and seeing many males as guy friends. Well probably not our culture ..just those that are also Tamil would disapprove and find it indecent. Yes this is the lifestyle I would have to live BUT I was born in Canada and found it much easier to mingle with my parents approval and not so much the society. Anyways strictly speaking sex is the biggest no-no and here I am done it and been with the guy for 2 years hoping that it would end in a marriage.

Not to say we aren't thinking of marriage but ever since I met him he has been proposing the idea of marriage the year after , then the year after that , and a few months ago its now 2 years from now. I get it as I need to finish school but I feel like all I've been hearing is this need to get married where nothing has really come from it. I feel like I'm just being told this and realistically speaking....I realized our relationship isn't as SERIOUS as it should be to be speaking these topics.

Lets get into the reasons why:

A) it's been 2 years yes. but I have only met his cousin maybe about max 10 times and 2 friends max 3 times. In our age difference I do see that there is problems that may arise from hanging out like myself feeling not included or even him being not included. But I have not met anyone in his direct family whereas he has met my sister , and we've all gone out on several occasions, my entire family indirectly . Also yes my family is accepting and probably would not mind meeting him as they have with my sisters boyfriend coming by , staying to watch a movie, etc.

AM I letting this slide by ...isn't this a major red flag? 2 YEARS

 

B) I have not heard the 3 magic words. Yes I first sensed this as a RED FLAG IN MY FACE. then I tried to take it from his point of view. I backed down on the subject but I have already confessed my feelings back almost 8 months ago and I feel like hearing the words I like you and I like you alot isnt really helping me. I feel like I'm the one that cares and the most to lose in this relationship. I have high morals and I would never have imagine I ended up sleeping with him and now I have those same morals trying to make it work between us so I only have 1 partner. I tried so hard and I really did to not notice the fact that no matter what I'm still here trying to make things work because I do infact love him but now I feel like why am I here if he doesn't love me. Yes I know that it can be shown in actions aswell but maybe I want to hear it? To know its real without me being delusional and imagining things.

 

How long would it normally take? I know it depends on the person but when the person is the one with marriage on their mind and has been saying this for the past 2 years i would think that they would first say I love you before causally saying oh next year we should get married in the fall season.

 

I really feel like I've been put through a whirlwind with my feelings. I cry at emotional times and this has had me crying for the past few days. I just wish it was so simple to leave but I can't . I can't no matter what my friends say because I have gotten myself into this. But in the end that is not what he would say . He has had several partners already and it is so easy for him to move on and just marry the next girl that comes by. I know it sounds like a player or some sort of evil guy but that is just how he is. He has no reason to love and adore the person he's marrying aslong as she gets along with him and is his ideal person he is fine with anyone.