Jamesblame Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Today is 8 months since my engagement ended. I am in a bad spot...but not because of the relationship's end. 8 months ago my relationship with my best friend and first "real" true love ended. We had just moved from my hometown of San Francisco to a crappy little dinky town, so money was very low and I was a fish out of water. I didn't have enough money to move back to the city so I took up my parent's offer to come up to WA where they live. I could save money and head back to the city. My car died completely after the drive up. My job didn't transfer, and besides temp work, baby sitting jobs and a commission only job, I just got a real job....minimum wage. I have lost everything in a year and real depression is just setting in. I lost my friend I lost "our" friends...the ones that had been close to me for years I lost my car I lost my job I lost my financial autonomy I lost my independence I lost my city and social circle It's really hard because when a relationship ends it's nice to not have every ****ing thing in the world collapse around that. It's really hard to not become bitter and really depressed when looking at my situation. . At minimum I won't be able to leave until late December/ early January. By far this has been the most emotionally challenging year of my life. I'm staying healthy and trying to be productive, but every passing day is one more day that just fills me with sorrow. I'm mourning several big life changes at once, and I just don't know how to cope.
River Rain Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Same thing happened to me, kind of, in 2003. I lost my job due to a burnout, my condo was repossessed, I had to sell my car. I had to move from my beloved country back to the hell hole city. Therapy brought out repressed memories of childhood abuse and after confronting my parents, I made the realization I had to stop all contact with them. In doing that I lost my entire family and circle of friends because it was so close knit. I was deeply in debt and depressed and alone. I thought it was all over and had no clue how to cope. The only thing that got me through all of that was talking about it. Talking to therapists, anonymous people on line...and writing it all out. I had to believe that life would eventually get better. I had to remind myself daily that it would. It was very difficult, and I only really started to get ahead about 18 months ago. When it rains it pours right? But it's our attitude that will get us through it. I'm not saying it was easy, but at least I was able to get out of it with the knowledge that it would get better for me eventually. No quick fixes unfortunately, I had to accept my situation and plan for the future to make it all better. Then wait it all out with the most positive attitude I could muster.
CopingGal Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 You need to cry and cry often. Seriously, cry as often as you need to. You need to mourn your losses. It might help to make a list of the positive things you have in your life and tape it up on a wall. Try to seek therapy as well and invest in some self-help books. That will help to. Keep posting on LS. Exercise and eat right. Take care of you. Good luck.
january2011 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) I'm sorry you're going through this. You've had a sh*t year, but in a few months, it will be a new year and things could well be very different. As a starting point, do what you can to keep your head above water. Save money where you can. Go for a half hour walk every day. Start a gratitude journal and focus on writing something in it every day, even if it's just something simple like, "it was sunny today." Make sure you're eating well - buy ingredients rather than ready-made, cook from scratch. Start making some goals for your future, break them down into smaller steps and work on them every day/week. Focus on stuff that you always wanted to do, but never got round to. Learn a new skill. Search VideoJug and YouTube for tutorials. Learn a new language. Take up a new physical activity, like running. Do free things, like exploring different parts of your location. Do some volunteering. See if you can sign up to some cheap or free adult ed classes/workshops. And if budget allows, check out meetup groups that are interest-based. There might be some where you just pay a dollar or two and the organiser takes you on a walking tour in your location or just outside of town. Google "free activities in X" for some ideas. Set up a YouTube playlist of songs that make you happy. Have that playing while you do bodyweight exercises at home or while you browse the internet. Sign up to free classes online, e.g., open university, MIT, etc. I did/am doing all of this and came out of a 10+ year LTR a couple of years ago where I ahd been living with him for most of that time - he cheated with his ex-girlfriend and they are now married and have a baby. One thing I didn't do, was go into therapy. However this may be an option for you if things really do become overwhelming and your quality of life and ability to get from day-to-day become too unbearable. Edited October 4, 2012 by january2011
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