Author moveONorStay Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Why does it have to be like that, though? I mean, why is she saying on one hand that she never wanted to break up but then say she doesn't want to see me? That seems like fairly confused feelings, right?
Author moveONorStay Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Another thing that happened in the past couple of days is that one of her friends shared a photo on facebook of me with a girl on a recent night out with friends... My ex and I are no longer friends, but I got a notification that her friend (who is still in my friends list) shared the photo with my ex...this happened only a couple of days ago, shortly after my last phone conversation with her...why would her friend do that?
Simon Phoenix Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Why does it have to be like that, though? I mean, why is she saying on one hand that she never wanted to break up but then say she doesn't want to see me? That seems like fairly confused feelings, right? No. I'd say that's pretty normal. Either way, I can't even fathom why you want this person back after reading your descriptors of this relationship.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Another thing that happened in the past couple of days is that one of her friends shared a photo on facebook of me with a girl on a recent night out with friends... My ex and I are no longer friends, but I got a notification that her friend (who is still in my friends list) shared the photo with my ex...this happened only a couple of days ago, shortly after my last phone conversation with her...why would her friend do that? Who cares?
curiouslyhuman Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Who cares? Obviously he does. Looking for signs is almost paramount to any breakup. We all do it. We all want to think that the other person is reaching out to us or there is a cosmic force driving us back together. Its the 1st step till you get to anger and then acceptance. Until you are clear headed on your feelings about this girl, which means stop contacting her for a long time and let things go for awhile, you will not make wise decisions. You have to remember that you broke up with her initially because there was something about her you didn't like, remember that. You just might be afraid that you made the wrong decision and are compounding her refusal to get back together as proof that you should not have broken up. Going down the wrong path is so easy, but you must remember where u started. You broke up with her, there are reasons. Give yourself time to accept that and take some time off from facebook and whatever other social media site that can give you hope for something you're not even sure of.
Author moveONorStay Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Yes...so true but I have this instinctual feeling that I want to try to work this out. I don't know why I feel that way. I think I'm tending to think more about the positive parts of the relationship rather than the parts that caused me hurt and anxiety. I have dated 2 girls in the past week since I'm currently single and want to meet some new people...but my feelings of wanting to reconcile with the ex are so strong that I don't even want to go on these dates...I'm actually amazed that both of these ladies actually want to see me again!
Simon Phoenix Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Obviously he does. Looking for signs is almost paramount to any breakup. We all do it. We all want to think that the other person is reaching out to us or there is a cosmic force driving us back together. Its the 1st step till you get to anger and then acceptance. Until you are clear headed on your feelings about this girl, which means stop contacting her for a long time and let things go for awhile, you will not make wise decisions. You have to remember that you broke up with her initially because there was something about her you didn't like, remember that. You just might be afraid that you made the wrong decision and are compounding her refusal to get back together as proof that you should not have broken up. Going down the wrong path is so easy, but you must remember where u started. You broke up with her, there are reasons. Give yourself time to accept that and take some time off from facebook and whatever other social media site that can give you hope for something you're not even sure of. Of course he cares, but it's really not important in any way, shape or form. Trying to guess the motivations of the other person (especially in this case when it's the motivation of a third party that isn't directly involved) is foolish. There's just no way to do it and you are just driving yourself crazy trying to. All you really know is what you are being told by the person or the actions of the person. Trying to guess at something inconsquential like the picture example is a waste of time. It's just mental gymnastics meant to justify a likely foolish attempt at contact.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Yes...so true but I have this instinctual feeling that I want to try to work this out. I don't know why I feel that way. I think I'm tending to think more about the positive parts of the relationship rather than the parts that caused me hurt and anxiety. I have dated 2 girls in the past week since I'm currently single and want to meet some new people...but my feelings of wanting to reconcile with the ex are so strong that I don't even want to go on these dates...I'm actually amazed that both of these ladies actually want to see me again! And why do you want to get back with someone who tried to sabotage you exactly? The parts that caused you hurt and anxiety are just as much a part of the relationship as the good parts. If you take her back, you are taking that back as well.
curiouslyhuman Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Being on an emotional high makes us do stupid things, its the risk we take because we feel we might "get lucky" when you are holding your phone telling yourself "should i text her?" more often than naught, we want to feel some validation that we mean something to the other person and they will see us in a new light or still love us or whatever you wish... but its the same scenario with the gambler sitting infront of the lotto machine telling himself/herself " this is the quarter that will do it!" its never a good idea. The best move is always to walk away with the quarter and think about it later... till it doesnt seem that important after all Its the rush, the high we love so much and its just amplified when it comes to love and a connection with someone. Dont think too much about your relationship with her, go out on more dates, have fun, live and enjoy yourself. Your ex isnt going anywhere for now, and you have made your feelings clear to a good extent. If she is willing to retry, that will be her choice now, not yours, and trying to force a reconciliation will only push her further away from you.
The_Face Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I guess I missed the part about why you dumped this girl?
Author moveONorStay Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 I guess I missed the part about why you dumped this girl? It's on the first page! Thanks for the advice here. Actually ended up texting back and forward with her for a while, seemed friendly then when I mentioned some of the positive things that I've been doing since the split, she started saying that I blew it with her and that we are done...etc etc. Seems like breadcrumbs then bitterness. I'm setting myself back by doing this. I really need to just get over this and move on.
timchambo Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 It's on the first page! Thanks for the advice here. Actually ended up texting back and forward with her for a while, seemed friendly then when I mentioned some of the positive things that I've been doing since the split, she started saying that I blew it with her and that we are done...etc etc. Seems like breadcrumbs then bitterness. I'm setting myself back by doing this. I really need to just get over this and move on. I think he was just trying to get you to remember why you broke up with her. I just skimmed this thread, so forgive if you mentioned. How old are you guys? If I had to guess I would say early 20s at most. This is based on how immature her actions are. If you haven't noticed, she's still trying to "manipulate and control" this situation. Same reason you left her to begin with. Just disappear and find someone new. Also, her friend shared the pic because she doesn't want you to back together.
TaraMaiden Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 It's on the first page! Thanks for the advice here. Actually ended up texting back and forward with her for a while, seemed friendly then when I mentioned some of the positive things that I've been doing since the split, she started saying that I blew it with her and that we are done...etc etc. Seems like breadcrumbs then bitterness. I'm setting myself back by doing this. I really need to just get over this and move on. Cool, I get the chance to say it: I - TOLD - YOU - SO - !!! Now, maybe - you might listen...!! 2
Author moveONorStay Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 I think he was just trying to get you to remember why you broke up with her. I just skimmed this thread, so forgive if you mentioned. How old are you guys? If I had to guess I would say early 20s at most. This is based on how immature her actions are. If you haven't noticed, she's still trying to "manipulate and control" this situation. Same reason you left her to begin with. Just disappear and find someone new. Also, her friend shared the pic because she doesn't want you to back together. Actually, I'm in my late 27 and she is 31. I have to admit, her friends aren't a particularly good influence...the 4 closest friends she has are fairly disfunctional...One is in a relationship and is sleeping around, one is semmingly unhappily married, one can't get a relationship because she has no respect for herself and keeps sleeping with guys on the first date...one is having an affair with a married man...it's fair to say that if she is taking any kind of advice from these girls then it's not good!! I made the mistake of contacting her to try to make things right as it did 2 things...it validated her and has helped her justify her behavior as being normal since I told her I wanted to work things out...it also pushed her further away so it's really turned out terrible.
Recommended Posts