Mint Sauce Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 so because of a new policy to have teams grouped in offices, my ex will stay in the office next to mine permanently (unless they decide to move the entire team, i.e. 4 people). The idea that day-in day-out, for perhaps the next 30 years, she's within 5 meters of me but I can't sneak over there to steal a quick kiss, it's killing me. I'm also starting to realize that she already had a clear emotional affair with my friend when she decided to apply for this job here. In hindsight I see the signs, minor as they were. I guess she didn't see it herself. But at almost 30, after several relationships, after having witnessed these kinds of things so close to her, such blindness is hard to understand. Ugh ugh ugh!
january2011 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 for perhaps the next 30 years Depending on what you do for a living and the company/organisation you work for, this may or may not be the case. In this day and age, there are very few jobs that are secure and very few people who stay in the same job without moving within the same organisation or to a new one. Take a breath, get some perspective and think about a strategy for how you can get through the coming days if you bump into your ex. Also make a promise to yourself not to explore romantic opportunities in the workplace.
Calico Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 The curious thing about humans is that we are very resilient and hard-wired for survival. After enough pain and exposure your brain and body will take over and you'll become less affected. But yes, "getting better by desensitizing" is the hard way and it sucks hard. I don't envy you. I'd suggest to look for another job, but if you've worked somewhere for years and actually like your work, then that's just an inferior option. Plus, there is the question if one should give an ex so much power over how you live your life. You worked there before you got together with her. It's yours, not hers. I think this is one of those cases where I think maybe getting a new special friend may be of help, even in light of the rebound danger. I've let someone come closer too (idiotically, it's another half-Asian, just like her ...), and while I keep it on a friendship level, it's helping. Well, friendship level ... 4-5 hours phone calls and little notes while she works? Oh well! Anyway, don't commit, don't go all out, but I think a few drops of romance may not be so bad to make you feel less helpless. Be careful, though. 1
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 The curious thing about humans is that we are very resilient and hard-wired for survival. After enough pain and exposure your brain and body will take over and you'll become less affected. But yes, "getting better by desensitizing" is the hard way and it sucks hard. I don't envy you. Anything that works will do I'd suggest to look for another job, but if you've worked somewhere for years and actually like your work, then that's just an inferior option. Not an option, far too specialized field. I'd have to move country for another job, and even that is probably not possible. You worked there before you got together with her. It's yours, not hers. Indeed, she applied here to be close to me again (we worked together at another institute previously, 4 years as a couple). I got a place here a year ago, and this summer she also got in. So indeed, it's mine, I was first I think this is one of those cases where I think maybe getting a new special friend may be of help, even in light of the rebound danger. I've let someone come closer too (idiotically, it's another half-Asian, just like her ...), and while I keep it on a friendship level, it's helping. Well, friendship level ... 4-5 hours phone calls and little notes while she works? Oh well! Anyway, don't commit, don't go all out, but I think a few drops of romance may not be so bad to make you feel less helpless. Be careful, though. I am considering this, but by the time I find a candidate for that, I'm probably over my ex anyways. Never been into the dating thing, no single girls in my social circle, so it will be a big project Good to hear that it's helping for you! And that you found someone nice enough to take your mind off your ex!
Calico Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I am considering this, but by the time I find a candidate for that, I'm probably over my ex anyways. Never been into the dating thing, no single girls in my social circle, so it will be a big project Me either. I don't like meat markets like match.com and such (no offense to those who make use of dating services; just a preference I don't share). My work-related social circle provides plenty of single females, though most are in their 20s and it's a dangerous age group, as we both know just too well. I keep it all very light and I don't get attached (trying ...). Maybe making friends online could be an alternative? It's more independent and fairly safe.
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