by girl, mixed signals

[AR0207]

Right basically this girl has left me confused about what to do, i've been involved & dated other girls in the past but none of them really ticked the box as perfectly as this girl, she's beautiful, funny, smart, talented, very caring & we're so similar in so many ways (even down to mannerisms).

 

we went out on the first date, it all went great but i couldn't find the courage to make a move, luckily she did, after that she explained she couldn't sleep the night before because her parents were away & an empty house worries her so i offered to come & keep her company for a while, i ended up staying the night & when we were curled up together she said 'it feels like i've known you forever' which i agreed it did.

 

anyway things progressed & i learnt about her ex, she was with him for a number of years, he was controlling & strung her along for the final 10 months of their relationship so of course she's going to have trust issues, a couple of weeks later she then told me she was still unsure about wether we would work, when i asked why she said we don't have enough in common (we had plenty in common apart from music which we've now discovered a midway point we both love), my height was an issue because she usually like tall men (I'm an inch taller) and everyone kept telling her i was not her type, i explained that none of these things matter, if i make her happy & she trusts me not to hurt her then it will work but she has to let down the walls she built after her ex, i then went away for a few days to see a friend & said to her to think about things while i'm gone, when i come back she said 'i want to give us a go, i don't want to let the past ruin what i could have with you' so we agreed to give it a go with no pressure, no label & no stress until she was ready to step up.

 

it was all going fine & dandy, was going great infact until last week she was unwell, i offered to take her out & cheer her up, it was all fine, we went out for food, had a drink then went back to hers to watch a film, the next day she said she was still unwell & everyone was out that night so i offered to come round & keep her company so she doesn't sit feeling sorry for herself alone, she said okay & could i stay the night, of course i agreed, that night in bed we were speaking about our situation & she said a lot of things scare her like the fact i've met certain members of her family & the fact I'm the first guy to be in her bed in over a year & it felt wrong, i explained that would be because it was a single & a bit squashed & she's not used to it so it would be weird, she then said she's still only 95% sure about us otherwise she would brand us a couple (which said to me she still hasn't let her walls down completely, which she admitted & then said i've chipped most of it away it will just take a little time for the last part) i said thats fine i can be patient.

 

after that night she seemed distant and stopped putting x's at the end of text, i asked why and she apologised & said she's just stressed with uni, i said fair enough and left her to get her work done, that night i asked what was wrong because i sensed something a bit more, she said she's been thinking about us & said we've moved too fast, i agreed but said i was going at her pace so i put it down to the night in her bed & she panicked so i suggested slowing things down, she then told me she's not attracted to me like she should be, she doesn't get butterflies when she see's me (even though her eyes tell a completely different story) we're not compatible in the bedroom & theres not passion or lust (personal reasons that can be fixed & she was always the one to initiate sex), she never feels the need or want to see me (even though a few days before i had told her not to come & see me because she has to get ready for a party & she said no i 'want' to see you today), she never speaks about me when we're not together (even though all her friends know about me) and she just see's me as a friend (but then later brings up the fact she really likes me) and whenever i asked if she was 100% sure she doesn't want anything between us she couldn't reply, it can't go from 95% sure she wants us to the other way round overnight surely.

 

now before all this when things were good i asked her several times if she's happy with us & she always agreed yes with a smile & a kiss, we were decorating my bedroom at one point & she found a passport photo of me she asked if she could keep, i said i needed it but she took my basketball jersey to then show off on Facebook, she always told me she liked me a lot & always asked her friends what they thought of me when i met them, she would always say she never wanted to go home when it come to the end of the night and always said how happy i make her.

 

all of that seems to of just switched over one night when she panicked about us going too fast & she always says i shouldn't have to convince her otherwise even though i believe it is all to do with what happened with her ex & its down to me to prove i'm not like him and i'm worth the chance, i said to her i will give her a couple of days to think things through properly & if she feels that we should give it another go we can go out for a drink & talk things through & slow it all down, she replied with 'i just need space so i can think about things properly, you've been very fair with me' which says to me she panicked about that night, automatically hit the big red button then stemmed other problems from it but not wanting to, she insists that she WANTS us to work but just doesn't see it.

 

am i making a mug of myself or am i right to keep following through on this ? i've never met a girl like her, we are perfect for each other her past just clouds her judgement & already she's changed my mindset & i'm a lot more confident & happier in myself, i certainly don't want to go back to the person i was before, am i doing the right thing ?

[todreaminblue]

Right basically this girl has left me confused about what to do, i've been involved & dated other girls in the past but none of them really ticked the box as perfectly as this girl, she's beautiful, funny, smart, talented, very caring & we're so similar in so many ways (even down to mannerisms).

 

we went out on the first date, it all went great but i couldn't find the courage to make a move, luckily she did, after that she explained she couldn't sleep the night before because her parents were away & an empty house worries her so i offered to come & keep her company for a while, i ended up staying the night & when we were curled up together she said 'it feels like i've known you forever' which i agreed it did.

 

anyway things progressed & i learnt about her ex, she was with him for a number of years, he was controlling & strung her along for the final 10 months of their relationship so of course she's going to have trust issues, a couple of weeks later she then told me she was still unsure about wether we would work, when i asked why she said we don't have enough in common (we had plenty in common apart from music which we've now discovered a midway point we both love), my height was an issue because she usually like tall men (I'm an inch taller) and everyone kept telling her i was not her type, i explained that none of these things matter, if i make her happy & she trusts me not to hurt her then it will work but she has to let down the walls she built after her ex, i then went away for a few days to see a friend & said to her to think about things while i'm gone, when i come back she said 'i want to give us a go, i don't want to let the past ruin what i could have with you' so we agreed to give it a go with no pressure, no label & no stress until she was ready to step up.

 

it was all going fine & dandy, was going great infact until last week she was unwell, i offered to take her out & cheer her up, it was all fine, we went out for food, had a drink then went back to hers to watch a film, the next day she said she was still unwell & everyone was out that night so i offered to come round & keep her company so she doesn't sit feeling sorry for herself alone, she said okay & could i stay the night, of course i agreed, that night in bed we were speaking about our situation & she said a lot of things scare her like the fact i've met certain members of her family & the fact I'm the first guy to be in her bed in over a year & it felt wrong, i explained that would be because it was a single & a bit squashed & she's not used to it so it would be weird, she then said she's still only 95% sure about us otherwise she would brand us a couple (which said to me she still hasn't let her walls down completely, which she admitted & then said i've chipped most of it away it will just take a little time for the last part) i said thats fine i can be patient.

 

after that night she seemed distant and stopped putting x's at the end of text, i asked why and she apologised & said she's just stressed with uni, i said fair enough and left her to get her work done, that night i asked what was wrong because i sensed something a bit more, she said she's been thinking about us & said we've moved too fast, i agreed but said i was going at her pace so i put it down to the night in her bed & she panicked so i suggested slowing things down, she then told me she's not attracted to me like she should be, she doesn't get butterflies when she see's me (even though her eyes tell a completely different story) we're not compatible in the bedroom & theres not passion or lust (personal reasons that can be fixed & she was always the one to initiate sex), she never feels the need or want to see me (even though a few days before i had told her not to come & see me because she has to get ready for a party & she said no i 'want' to see you today), she never speaks about me when we're not together (even though all her friends know about me) and she just see's me as a friend (but then later brings up the fact she really likes me) and whenever i asked if she was 100% sure she doesn't want anything between us she couldn't reply, it can't go from 95% sure she wants us to the other way round overnight surely.

 

now before all this when things were good i asked her several times if she's happy with us & she always agreed yes with a smile & a kiss, we were decorating my bedroom at one point & she found a passport photo of me she asked if she could keep, i said i needed it but she took my basketball jersey to then show off on Facebook, she always told me she liked me a lot & always asked her friends what they thought of me when i met them, she would always say she never wanted to go home when it come to the end of the night and always said how happy i make her.

 

all of that seems to of just switched over one night when she panicked about us going too fast & she always says i shouldn't have to convince her otherwise even though i believe it is all to do with what happened with her ex & its down to me to prove i'm not like him and i'm worth the chance, i said to her i will give her a couple of days to think things through properly & if she feels that we should give it another go we can go out for a drink & talk things through & slow it all down, she replied with 'i just need space so i can think about things properly, you've been very fair with me' which says to me she panicked about that night, automatically hit the big red button then stemmed other problems from it but not wanting to, she insists that she WANTS us to work but just doesn't see it.

 

am i making a mug of myself or am i right to keep following through on this ? i've never met a girl like her, we are perfect for each other her past just clouds her judgement & already she's changed my mindset & i'm a lot more confident & happier in myself, i certainly don't want to go back to the person i was before, am i doing the right thing ?

 

Stay confident be happy sometimes it takes a long time to tear down walls....rome wasnt built in day.....ok corny......takes a lot longer to deconstruct than construct...thats a bit better...

 

 

give her time and you seem like a great guy so hang in there bud.......i had a relationship that went for a decade and a half he still didnt deconstruct me but then he was untrustworthy.....i am deconstructing myself to take the pressure off anyone....lol

 

 

give her time be there for her....i hope it works out for you you do seem decent and caring......best wishes....deb

[AR0207]

Thanks yeah she insists we have what friends have & our personalities click but i see a whole lot more & through my eyes its just worry of a repeat of last time, she keeps telling me she's not ready for a relationship but its been well over a year since her ex, I'm certainly not him & i don't think i could take the risk of her walking away, finding someone new & i have to sit & watch that happen