Sameold Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Does anyone feel like they let their ex off likely. I know my ex is now with someone else and know she was flirting with him as we were breaking up. An EA? Not sure it went that far whilst we were together but she showed me zero respect after 4 great years. I said a few strong things at the very end before NC but through the BU generally I feel like I let her off lightly for treating me like ****. This ever happened to anyone? If so what did you do?
Sav Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 leave it, take the high road. In the end, there is no right or wrong, cut her off from your life
TopCat22 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Yeah, similar thing. I've a feeling my ex was running around with a co-worker behind my back towards the end. No real proof but am angry that I didn't confront her about it and now it's too late. I guess it's just a lesson if it ever happens again (I hope not!). Might have helped the self-esteem a little knowing you didn't let them walk over you.
ReadMyThread Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Does anyone feel like they let their ex off likely. I know my ex is now with someone else and know she was flirting with him as we were breaking up. An EA? Not sure it went that far whilst we were together but she showed me zero respect after 4 great years. I said a few strong things at the very end before NC but through the BU generally I feel like I let her off lightly for treating me like ****. This ever happened to anyone? If so what did you do? OOOOOOOOOOOOOH YEAH! lol. My dumba** agreed to be friends with the B**** who left me for another guy. Ever since then, we haven't spoke lol. Some friend eh? She asked me that to ease her guilt and I couldn't see it then but now I do and regret agreeing to it. But this is my first true love and my VERY first heartbreak so I didn't know anything about breakups and what to do after them. But hey, now I know what NOT to do if this happens again lol. Just have to keep moving no matter what. I feel I left my ex off GUILT-FREE and that s*** makes me sooooo mad. I feel like just sending her a message and telling her what she did was wrong in so many ways and how much pain she has brought upon me and how much of a f****** B**** she is and how much I hate her and how much I NEVER want to hear from her again but what would that do? I'd be wasting my time. Just how I feel. I wish I would have done pretty much EVERYTHING I DID differently after the break-up lol. I begged for her back. Talked to her parents. Told her I talked to her parents. Told her I will always be here for her. lol. Man. I regret pretty much EVERYTHING I did after this breakup. But now I know which is good. I will NEVER do these things again.
Sokar23 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I most certainly did she spent the last 2 years of our 3 year relationship texting and facebooking 24/7 I had known something was up so confronted her many times the last time I confronted her about a guy she was talking to that is when she dumped me, 5 days later she wanted to talk so I thought fine. Met her to talk to find out that she liked other people now and surprise surprise it was the guy she had been talking to who was 'just a friend' She accepted no responsibility for any wrong doing of course it was all my fault, wishes she had never met me even though I treated her like royalty, a mistake I won't be soon repeating with another girl. I didn't argue with her as much as I wanted to there really was no point and would not have made anything any better so I just listened and said goodbye basically. Already hearing stories of her badmouthing me, one of those things but surely people should hear the other side of the story most of the time they dont want to though
Calico Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I said a few strong things at the very end before NC but through the BU generally I feel like I let her off lightly for treating me like ****. This ever happened to anyone? If so what did you do? Actually, you have been harbouring spiteful thoughts for weeks now, and this is just another thread where you make that clear. If I was a woman, I would find that mindset very unattractive. I hope you weren't like this in your relationship. The thing is, if you let them "off lightly", you let YOURSELF off lightly. Hatred and lashing out brings very short-lived relief only, but all it does it to get you more emotionally invested in your ex. You get more attached, not less. It may feel like pushing yourself away from them, but in truth you are just clinging even more to the person. It will cause more pain, more desperation, more regret ("argh, now I destroyed my chances even more!") and in a few months or years you'll look back and wonder what a jerk you were. It's a terrible deal. There is no gain in this. And I say this as someone who, after four years, was cheated on, strung along, then kept in suspense, and then made look like an idiot when she made the new relationship official one day after I walked away from it. I would have plenty of reasons to make her very miserable and I even have the means to seriously harm her professional career. But guess what? I don't go from loving someone to wanting to hurt or destroy them. If I did, what would that really say about me? I'm not a little five year old boy who must destroy the toy when he can't have it any more. This is about me, and I don't want to be like her. I don't approve of her actions and I certainly don't like her decisions, but she is NOT my property and ALL I can do is to move on and accept that whatever is, is. Not like you can undo the past by acting up now. If you want to be angry, then use it to get to a place where you feel lucky that you got out of that situation and are now free to pursue new opportunities. Think "f.uck you" and walk away. But lashing out, spreading the pain, and burning bridges together with her ... that only hurts yourself in the end, and it will only make her think, "So good that this jerk is out of my life." (And gives her some more stories to tell others about you, because war is usually a two-way street.) There's an opportunity here to grow up. Seize it. 1
Liz2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Letting them off lightly is also showing some kind of understanding and compassion and being actually a good person: it shows you have a good character. You get what you give. Give anger and bitterness and all you do is give that to yourself. They anyway feel guilty, they don't show it but they DO and they anyway know how they treated you, so not giving them the benefit of reacting negatively means they get to deal with that on their own and not feel like you justify it.
blue_jay_bird Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Yeah, i felt and feel i had three ways of confronting him. I could destroyed, rip into him, with anger. I could cry to him, with sadness. Or the last let him go. I did a bit of cry and let him go. As people say the last too don't make you feel better, so i trust them. The best you can do is let your anger and sadness out to other people. Talk, rant, rage, to friends and family. It help's for a bit, then you do it again. Talk, rant,rage to other people. I still want to give it to him, but maybe that will go away one day. People on this form say it does (so i trust them). I guess you can rant and rage on the form. Here's mine. The first thing i thought when you dumped me was "what's wrong with me" , now all i can think is "what's wrong WITH YOU" After seven years, you dump me out of the blue. You didn't even want to work on issues we have. I didn't even know we had issues. Your so immature, this is a "adult" relationship, meaning you work on problems. I'v never seen such a scared little boy run to the hills faster then you. You are what's wrong, grow up and treat are relationship with respect. I'v never been more disappointed in a person then you. I am not perfect, but this is a two way street. You have not been honest with me, and you have not been communicating with me. This is more your fault then mine. Apparently after seven year's you won't even try to work on things with me, what does that say about you. Do you think relationship's are all sex and giggles. One day when you are married to the love of your life, and you have to deal with real issues, you will wake up and think of me. You will think why did i give up so easy. And ill be gone. You will regret this. And i will not be here, waiting for you..... i don't wish you the best, because you have treated me like ****. You don't deserve any happiness that comes your way, and it will be short lived when you realize you have to work on it.... Crawl in a hole and die. K the last line is to harsh. 3
KatZee Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I'm notorious for not letting people off the hook. That's just me. I'm the nicest person you will ever meet; f.uck with me, and you'll be praying to all the gods wishing you never knew me. I tore my ex about 5 new a.ssholes when I found what the truth was. How he cheated, lied to my face for almost three years, made a fool of me, used me, emotionally abused me, took advantage of me when he was out of state, let me support him up and down, he finally came back home and met some broad at his new job after I waited 19 months for him to come back to resume a normal relationship. Lied to my face when breaking up with me, swore up and down he needed to be single to figure his life out, that I was his best friend, loved me so much. So help me God when I found out what the truth was... let me just say: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. High road? F.cuk that. My ex is the biggest piece of s.hit, and I made sure he knew it. And honestly, THIS was what made me start to move on. The anger. The hatred. Really giving it to him after three years of allowing him to walk all over me, disrespect me. Act better than me. I sat back and took it for three years. NO MORE. 2
River Rain Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I didn't let him off the hook lightly. I said some nasty things to him, but I really felt I had to say them. If I didn't say them, I would have felt like a submissive victim in a way. It gave me power knowing that I told him what I thought of him. Probably not my best moment, but I don't regret it at all considering our circumstances. It empowered me to keep remembering his bad points and not linger on the good memories. It's actually helped me to move on easier. But I guess everyone has their own way. 1
blue_jay_bird Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) One of the reason's i let him off lightly was in hopes that one day we will reconnect. ...yes this is ****ed up. I even gave goodbye letter's to the family. I LOOK like a understanding saint. Edited October 4, 2012 by blue_jay_bird
blue_jay_bird Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Plus, indifference, is the worst kind of pain. If you scream, or cry at them it shows you care. If you ever have been given the silent treatment, and let off easily with something. The person's indifference can be torture. Showing you don't care, is the best way to give it to them I'm evil.
witmadskilllz Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) So what they say is true, that if you show any anger/resentment towards a person, it usually means you care(Which I think is true too). I'd love to have my ex to hear what I'd have to say to her regardless of how she would feel about it, I wanted acknowledgement from the person I care the most. Even after the breakup, I felt the need to lash out everything on my ex who dumped me for another guy. We've both put each other through misery, pain, happiness, and yet you throw it down the road just like that. Perhaps there's no point in getting my thoughts to her if she doesn't care in the first place right? Ahem, so here's my 2 years worth of rants. Dear xxxx I wish you would at least try a bit, y'know? I mean, I know that for the sake of our happiness that you'd rather be quiet and not have arguments or try not to argue back, but how else would we grow together? How else would we know each other better when one day, out of the blue, you'd be like '**** this, I can't take it anymore' and walk out on me without putting up a fight? How else can I better improve myself when everything seems 'okay' with you? I wish you'd at least try and make me YOURS, as in, If I do something that you don't approve of, then tell me, don't ****ing go hide in a tree house. I'd do anything for you, even if I were to hate you for a split milisecond, I would still be there, love you forever always. We'd probably laugh at how silly we were, then go have some ice cream or something and go home on the subway together while playing angry birds and watching you over my shoulders.. 2 years have passed and you're still with the same guy which I'm glad that it's working out for the both of you despite the fact that you just jumped onto a new relationship after 2 weeks of breakup. But why'd you end up sending me a text anyways? As you shouldn't because you have a boyfriend and from my experience as a boyfriend, I'd ****ing hate your guts for texting your ex behind my back. I mean, what kind of business do you have left with your ex when you're with me? or with your current bf? Are you still not over your ex then? Why the *** would you still have my cell phone number? So disrespectful in many ways and if I were to be in a new relationship, I'd make sure to never look back on my ex's and get rid of anything that would remind me of you. Have you broken up with your boyfriend already? I don't know any of this because all you ever texted me was just one single word, your name.. WTF?!? I don't feed on breadcrumbs. Anyways, if you needed advice on your current relationship or something, you have other friends to ask or even better, TALK TO YOUR ****ING BOYFRIEND ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY LIKE YOU DID TO ME. As time passes by, you're slowly fading away in my head and soon enough, I wouldn't think of you anymore. I hate the fact that you were my first so it's the inevitable that we've become like this. We've first became strangers, to friends, to lovers and then back to square one again. It's so sad, I really just hate this cycle to begin with and feeling hopeless at the same time about it. 'to rise, you first must fall' - Something that I've begun to understand. Take care. Edited October 4, 2012 by witmadskilllz
Author Sameold Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) Actually, you have been harbouring spiteful thoughts for weeks now, and this is just another thread where you make that clear. If I was a woman, I would find that mindset very unattractive. I hope you weren't like this in your relationship. The thing is, if you let them "off lightly", you let YOURSELF off lightly. Hatred and lashing out brings very short-lived relief only, but all it does it to get you more emotionally invested in your ex. You get more attached, not less. It may feel like pushing yourself away from them, but in truth you are just clinging even more to the person. It will cause more pain, more desperation, more regret ("argh, now I destroyed my chances even more!") and in a few months or years you'll look back and wonder what a jerk you were. It's a terrible deal. There is no gain in this. And I say this as someone who, after four years, was cheated on, strung along, then kept in suspense, and then made look like an idiot when she made the new relationship official one day after I walked away from it. I would have plenty of reasons to make her very miserable and I even have the means to seriously harm her professional career. But guess what? I don't go from loving someone to wanting to hurt or destroy them. If I did, what would that really say about me? I'm not a little five year old boy who must destroy the toy when he can't have it any more. This is about me, and I don't want to be like her. I don't approve of her actions and I certainly don't like her decisions, but she is NOT my property and ALL I can do is to move on and accept that whatever is, is. Not like you can undo the past by acting up now. If you want to be angry, then use it to get to a place where you feel lucky that you got out of that situation and are now free to pursue new opportunities. Think "f.uck you" and walk away. But lashing out, spreading the pain, and burning bridges together with her ... that only hurts yourself in the end, and it will only make her think, "So good that this jerk is out of my life." (And gives her some more stories to tell others about you, because war is usually a two-way street.) There's an opportunity here to grow up. Seize it. Sorry Calcio, I understand what you are saying but I do not agree at all. And correct I am not over the hurt of how she treated me....quite understandable as I was with her for a long time, living with her and planning a future. I was a great boyfriend, I trusted her completely and would have done anything to keep her safe. I didn't "lash out" I merely caught her out and made sure she knew how I felt and how disgusted I was with her, I never swore at her, raised a hand etc.... There is nothing wrong with telling someone how it is, I have my own self-respect and I don't go through this world letting people treat me like rubbish and simply brushing it off as a lesson they should learn from. Telling her how I felt was a HUGEE part of closure that has helped me go NC for 4 months now, I sometimes just wish I had been even harder but then I think the sentiment was reached. Pretending I could accept it and it was just her loss sounds straight forward but the reality is she tore my soul to peices, she needed to know because she certainly didn't seem to. ps - an opportunity to grow up? Oddly insulting. I am in my mid 20s, have a 1st class honours degree and work for the UK Government in a Managerial position. We arn't all martyrs who can play the "bigger person" card. Some of us find closure differently and sharing the darkest and desperate sides of my mind on this forum is my platform. Edited October 4, 2012 by Sameold 1
Author Sameold Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 I'm notorious for not letting people off the hook. That's just me. I'm the nicest person you will ever meet; f.uck with me, and you'll be praying to all the gods wishing you never knew me. I tore my ex about 5 new a.ssholes when I found what the truth was. How he cheated, lied to my face for almost three years, made a fool of me, used me, emotionally abused me, took advantage of me when he was out of state, let me support him up and down, he finally came back home and met some broad at his new job after I waited 19 months for him to come back to resume a normal relationship. Lied to my face when breaking up with me, swore up and down he needed to be single to figure his life out, that I was his best friend, loved me so much. So help me God when I found out what the truth was... let me just say: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. High road? F.cuk that. My ex is the biggest piece of s.hit, and I made sure he knew it. And honestly, THIS was what made me start to move on. The anger. The hatred. Really giving it to him after three years of allowing him to walk all over me, disrespect me. Act better than me. I sat back and took it for three years. NO MORE. I agree exactly. I made sure she knew my feelings though I relayed them by text in a carefully worded, educated manner. If you go through life letting people run over you and never making them aware when they have done wrong you are not protecting yourself or your dignity IMO. 1
beyond Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Actually, you have been harbouring spiteful thoughts for weeks now, and this is just another thread where you make that clear. If I was a woman, I would find that mindset very unattractive. I hope you weren't like this in your relationship. The thing is, if you let them "off lightly", you let YOURSELF off lightly. Hatred and lashing out brings very short-lived relief only, but all it does it to get you more emotionally invested in your ex. You get more attached, not less. It may feel like pushing yourself away from them, but in truth you are just clinging even more to the person. It will cause more pain, more desperation, more regret ("argh, now I destroyed my chances even more!") and in a few months or years you'll look back and wonder what a jerk you were. It's a terrible deal. There is no gain in this. And I say this as someone who, after four years, was cheated on, strung along, then kept in suspense, and then made look like an idiot when she made the new relationship official one day after I walked away from it. I would have plenty of reasons to make her very miserable and I even have the means to seriously harm her professional career. But guess what? I don't go from loving someone to wanting to hurt or destroy them. If I did, what would that really say about me? I'm not a little five year old boy who must destroy the toy when he can't have it any more. This is about me, and I don't want to be like her. I don't approve of her actions and I certainly don't like her decisions, but she is NOT my property and ALL I can do is to move on and accept that whatever is, is. Not like you can undo the past by acting up now. If you want to be angry, then use it to get to a place where you feel lucky that you got out of that situation and are now free to pursue new opportunities. Think "f.uck you" and walk away. But lashing out, spreading the pain, and burning bridges together with her ... that only hurts yourself in the end, and it will only make her think, "So good that this jerk is out of my life." (And gives her some more stories to tell others about you, because war is usually a two-way street.) There's an opportunity here to grow up. Seize it. Exactly this!!!! Sameold - the opportunity to grow up has nothing to do with your job, age or what degree you have. The venom and bitterness I have seen you spout in your threads is palpable. We all hurt after a break up, especially if dishonesty is involved, but to go on and on with this vengeful stuff is not helping anyone, least of all yourself.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 (edited) Does anyone feel like they let their ex off likely. I know my ex is now with someone else and know she was flirting with him as we were breaking up. An EA? Not sure it went that far whilst we were together but she showed me zero respect after 4 great years. I said a few strong things at the very end before NC but through the BU generally I feel like I let her off lightly for treating me like ****. This ever happened to anyone? If so what did you do? Yeah, well. I'm a textbook example of that. He treated me like crap and abused me emotionally throughout the relationship. During our break-up (he threatened to break up and I DID give him his wish and broke up with him, an hour after begging him not to break up). I told him that he had only been using me as a tool to satisfy his threesome fantasy. That I refused to be treated like an object and thrown around at his whim, and that I wanted more than a fling from him, and that he wasn't the right person for me. I feel like that was not even proportionate to the **** he pulled on me. I even ended up giving him a 2nd chance, a week after the break-up, when he contacted me. And know what? He hasn't changed -- not one bit. I mean, I was stupid enough to think that he would realize his mistakes, but can a leopard lose his spots? He treated me like crap today, told me a lot of hurtful **** (that he doesn't love me, doesn't feel like we are lovers, etc.), and still expected me to give him 1) sex ; 2) threesome. I can't describe how LIVID I am. Edited October 4, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
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