Steg Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I recently found out that my girlfriend madeout with and slept at some guys house early in our relationship. I will start with a backstory on how the relationship developed. I had been friends with her for about 5 months before I developed further feelings toward her, we lived in the same dorm building freshman year of college. I took things very slow at first because I knew she had been with multiple guys during the same time period before she let me know she had feelings for me. She was not very committed to those relationships. She told me that she had always had an attraction towards me (since first semester) and felt differently than she did about the other guys she slept with. One, a close friend of mine who was very upset when he found out she had slept with him at the same time as she was seeing someone else, even though they were not in a relationship. Once I showed mutual interest in her she seemed to really enjoy being with me and it made me believe there really was something different between us. She slept in my bed with me most nights in February not having sex, usually just passionate making out. We didn't have sex until very late in February, I tried to move slowly and cautiously always fearing she also had been seeing someone else. I feel it was my mistake in the beginning to not clearly define boundaries or specifically say I thought of her as my girlfriend. I thought all the time we had spent together was enough for her to think about me exclusively. There was a party she went to early in March that I always got a bad feeling about. She got really drunk at the party and didn't come back to the dorms that night. I asked her if anything happened and she insisted nothing did and created a story to prove it. I trusted her and moved on even though in the back of my mind I still had a bad feeling. The relationship continued to progress and I asked her again a couple months later about the party sharing my concerns. She told me the same story and insisted nothing happened. I trusted her and the relationship continued. 7 months into the relationship we have been living together for 4 months and the relationship has gotten much more serious. Still bothered that something just didn't add up about her story I asked again about the situation a couple days ago. She finally confessed to making out with someone at the party. I was heartbroken I had asked her this multiple times before and she had lied to me each time. I decided to not let this destroy the relationship and I ask her if that was all that happened and she insists it is. After she insists that was all that happened I ask her where she slept at the party and she tells me she slept at the guys house she made out with. I again feel horrible she didn't tell me this after I asked her if all she did was make out with him. She then tells me she made out with him at the party then went back to his apartment and made out with him in his bed but that was all that happened, he wanted to sleep with her but she said she said no because she thought of me. I make her promise to me that she hasn't kept anything else from me and has told me the complete story. She promises and I try to move past it. She was telling me how much she regretted it but also let slip that their shirts were both off at one point but nothing else happened. By this point I now doubt the whole story and feel like she probably did sleep with the guy. I told her she had to move out of the house while I thought about things. She is now staying at her brothers house. I really love her and am so torn with how to proceed. The relationship seemed so perfect up till now. She stopped going to any parties or drinking after the incident and has been great the rest of the relationship. I fear I will never be able to regain the trust that was lost when she lied to me repeatedly. I feel bad about myself thinking that I let my worst fear from the beginning of the relationship come true and didn't trust my instincts early on.
TaraMaiden Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Copy. Paste, break up into legible paragraphs. you'll get more responses. it's impossible to read a wall of text like this....
Author Steg Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 I recently found out that my girlfriend madeout with and slept at some guys house early in our relationship. I will start with a backstory on how the relationship developed. I had been friends with her for about 5 months before I developed further feelings toward her, we lived in the same dorm building freshman year of college. I took things very slow at first because I knew she had been with multiple guys during the same time period before she let me know she had feelings for me. She was not very committed to those relationships. She told me that she had always had an attraction towards me (since first semester) and felt differently than she did about the other guys she slept with. One, a close friend of mine who was very upset when he found out she had slept with him at the same time as she was seeing someone else, even though they were not in a relationship. Once I showed mutual interest in her she seemed to really enjoy being with me and it made me believe there really was something different between us. She slept in my bed with me most nights in February not having sex, usually just passionate making out. We didn't have sex until very late in February, I tried to move slowly and cautiously always fearing she also had been seeing someone else. I feel it was my mistake in the beginning to not clearly define boundaries or specifically say I thought of her as my girlfriend. I thought all the time we had spent together was enough for her to think about me exclusively. There was a party she went to in early March that I always had a bad feeling about. She got really drunk at the party and didn't come back to the dorms that night. I asked her if anything happened and she insisted nothing did and created a story to prove it. I trusted her and moved on even though in the back of my mind I still had a bad feeling. The relationship continued to progress and I asked her again a couple months later about the party sharing my concerns. She told me the same story and insisted nothing happened. I trusted her and the relationship continued. 7 months into the relationship we have been living together for 4 months and the relationship has gotten much more serious. Still bothered that something just didn't add up about her story I asked again about the situation a couple days ago. She finally confessed to making out with someone at the party. I was heartbroken I had asked her this multiple times before and she had lied to me each time. I decided to not let this destroy the relationship and I ask her if that was all that happened and she insists it is. After she insists that was all that happened I ask her where she slept at the party and she tells me she slept at the guys house she made out with. I again feel horrible she didn't tell me this after I asked her if all she did was make out with him. She then tells me she made out with him at the party then went back to his apartment and made out with him in his bed but that was all that happened, he wanted to sleep with her but she said she said no because she thought of me. I make her promise to me that she hasn't kept anything else from me and has told me the complete story. She promises and I try to move past it. She was telling me how much she regretted it but also let slip that their shirts were both off at one point but nothing else happened. By this point I now doubt the whole story and feel like she probably did sleep with the guy. I told her she had to move out of the house while I thought about things. She is now staying at her brothers house. I really love her and am so torn with how to proceed. The relationship seemed so perfect up till now. She stopped going to any parties or drinking after the incident and has been great the rest of the relationship. I fear I will never be able to regain the trust that was lost when she lied to me repeatedly. I feel bad about myself thinking that I let my worst fear from the beginning of the relationship come true and didn't trust my instincts early on. Hopefully more readable now that it is split up.
Sazerac Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I was able to read the original, Steg - thanks though for reposting. From what I can tell, she completely disrespected you from the beginning and "trickle-truthed" you through the end, and you can bet that she's not telling the full truth either. I think you've answered your own question; go back and read your last paragraph. One should always trust one's gut instinct - you knew something was off. It's a painful lesson to learn. If you stay with her, she'll know now that she can get away with it, and it's likely she'll try it again. Do yourself a favor and move on to someone who will truly respect and love you. Don't stay with broken, damaged goods.
TaraMaiden Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Thank you Steg. And frankly, yes - I agree with Sazerac. This is what is known as "Trickle-Truth" and she's messed you about too often for you to be able to have any trust in her. It's all very well saying that since the party she's been a good girl, as it were. No - she hasn't. Between the party and now, she's still deceived you and kept things from you. Damage limitation, maybe. But lying doesn't help an already poor situation, in any way, any how. The combination of cheating with you - twice in one evening - AND lying to you, means that she holds honesty and integrity to a lower value than you do. Don't create a future with someone who's prepared to do this to you.
Darren Steez Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 fact is she lied, she straight up created some BS story and lied, so what are the chances that she made out with a guy, agreed to go back to his place, made out with him again in his bed, then said no because she was thinking of you!!?? She had sex with him then hid the truth from you, and from that point the relationship is dead because from this point on there will be no trust no matter how hard you try, every word that comes out of her mouth analysed for the tiniest hint of dishonesty or untruth, next time she stays out late or doesn't call, all the pain and nonsense floods back. Take it from me as beautiful as she maybe this relationship was built on rocky ground due to her past actions shows she's untrustworthy at the most, at the least straight up not ready to be in a monogamous relationship.
seibert253 Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 You only have 7 months invested/wasted, in her. She's a lier and cheater, break clean and continue to move forward.
Balzac Posted October 7, 2012 Posted October 7, 2012 Respect yourself dude. Lick your wounds, cry your tears and remind yourself that trusting your gut is what ya needed to do. Cut your losses.
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