Forever Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Well here it goes! I have been reading a lot of the messages that have been on the topic of being involved with MM. I have been married for almost 25 years & I've been involved with what we consider each other as soul mates for over 25 years. I knew this man before each of us was married & we were both young. At that time we were forbidden to be around each other because of our age difference> he is 5 years older than I am. We went our own way & I married a good friend & had 3 children all grown & raised now. He married about 4 years after me & has 3 children all school & high school age, still at home. We have always met up with each other over the years - seeing each other once or twice a year from the beginning of our time. I have a great friend in my husband & would do anything for me; we have a decent sex relationship but not enough. On the other hand my soul mate is great & we know each other very well. As our lives went on we decided it would be best to stay in our current lives so not to hurt anyone or disrupt the families. Once we both got on the same track & found we were meant for each other - I would have given up my marriage & made a life with the soul mate. But he couldn't leave his children & afraid he would not be there to see them grow up. I really never understood this - as much as I cared for him I would have always helped him make the relationship work - now I am at a point in my life where my family is raised & I can move on with my life. Never wanting to break up his home I stayed in the shadows, never threaten to reveal our relationship. For the past 5 years we see each other almost everyday & if not at least 3 out of the 5 days in a week. But on the weekends we belong to our home life & it is so hard for both of us to say good bye on Fri - From time to time I have called everything off saying I can't handle the double life but won't dare leave my family just to sit on the side lines for him. He says he & his wife stay together only to raise the children but they have no sex & haven't for months. I don't believe this & if so I have asked him why won't she? On the other hand maybe she doesn't anymore & makes me so upset - he knows that I have missed all the things in life I wanted - being married to him, having his children & spending the rest of our lives together. I have never tried to get pregnant or threatened to break up his relationship with the wife. After all these years we have built our own relationship & I can't see where it will ever end. When I am devastated & can't go on sometimes - I will go home & my husband, not knowing what is wrong with me is the one that holds me & tells me what ever it is - it will be alright & that he will take care of me. Yes, I cry right now telling you this - but if you only knew how I have tried to do what is right - I am the one who is hurt & loving this man I have known all my life but realize by the time his family is raised I will miss out on my own life. I found this site & read all the messages of others that have the same issues & I could not believe how many are going through what I have alone for years. Then I read reply's telling them how crazy they are to be this way. But, never found anyone that has kept their relationship with lover and husband both for over 25 years. So what does this make me? All I know is that I don't know how to break it off & go on with my life - knowing that I have a golden husband waiting on me. But when your heart is involved it is harder than I can explain. These are the only two men I have ever had in my life. My hardest time is wondering what he is doing with wife & if he is telling me the truth. Why won't he leave her & make a life with me? Every time I try to turn & go the other way - he will always call or find me & we go back to our life the way I guess it will always be. I have justified that it would be best to live this life rather than destroy two - we are the ones that suffer while our family's go on. Some one please help me find a way to do what is right & be strong enough to go through with it.
StartingAgain Posted July 27, 2004 Posted July 27, 2004 Your MM is never going to leave his wife and he probably is lying to you. Just because you've been together for 25 years doesn't mean that in reality, you are little more to him than his sex kitten. And if you think for a minute that you can have a 25 year long adultrous affair and your husband doesn't have a clue, think again. He probably knows, but has remained silent. Such things do happen. My first wife's father was a major cheater, had been for years. He thought his wife was completely clueless, but she knew all about it. She tolerated it because she loved him, because she wasn't terribly interested in sex, and knew him to be a good man. She figured that if his keeping a GF on the side was the worse thing he ever did, she'd be lucky. They've been married for 50 years now. Let's see... You've seen your MM a few hours here and there for the last 25 years. You call him you "soul mate." I don't believe in this term, but I think you use it to mean "the man I should have married." But the truth is is once you were 21 years old, you could have been with any man you desired and nobody could have forbidden it. No the two of you didn't get together all those years ago because on or the other really didn't want it. Now you've LIVED with your husband for 25 years and done a trivial little thing together: raised a family. You say your husband is a great friend and is a good sex partner (you can work on the frequency). You seem to understand that your husband is more valuable. How to end it. Just end it. Tell you MM that you are finished with the relationship and that you will have no further contact with him. He's going to try to get you to change your mind and your response should be to ignore him. This is going to be tough, since you really must give up a long time friend. You are going to grieve the loss of the relationship just as if you were divorcing and it'll take some time to get over it. I would recommend some counceling during this time.
mronederful Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 to answer your question... nope, he'll eventually leave his wife for you and you two can live happily ever after. all MM leave thier wives for thier girlfriends. it may take a few hunderd years but if you wait, it'll happen
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