FearfulFuture Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 So my ex broke up with me about 8 months ago and as much as it hurt i have been in no contact for pretty much the entire time (apart from 4 months in when she reached out for a second chance but quickly changed her mind)! Tonight after she had text me out of the blue we met up for drinks. It was both amazing and heart breaking at the same time, She told me she was with someone else but realized after being with him she was in fact still in love me. She said some beautiful things and that she wants us to try again. I truly believe her but how on earth do i get over the fact she has been official with someone else? I should be shouting from the rooftops after hearing some of the words that came from her mouth but instead i am heart broken. I, like most of you have been longing to hear those words but it has all been scarred with the fact i now know she is/has been with somebody else. Im not sure what will happen next, i said i wouldn't comment or act on anything whilst there was someone else in the picture. But even if she honestly meant it and does in fact finish this current relationship. how can it possibly work knowing what i do? Has anyone else been here that has some advice on what to do? I am lost. 4.5years together, me 29, her 23 if that helps.
suladas Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 It would be tough man. The funny thing is, as much as I want my ex back, I don't know if I would take her back even though she hasn't been with someone else. Knowing they broke up with you, and that will never change makes it tough to ever consider getting back together. I guess all you can do is hear them out on why you broke up originally and why they feel it will work out this time.
Calico Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 If she is still with the other man while she is offering you to try again, she is not the type of woman I would ever be able to trust. If she had finished the other relationship, expressed regret for it and then approached you, it would be different. But what she is doing now is likely what she may do in the future to you, too. It's cowardly and dishonest. 1
DavidG Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 That is a very tough situation man. Id have to agree that it would be different if she had already broken off the current relationship but it seems that she is still holding on to it in case you reject her request. Depending on the reasoning for breaking up and if you really want it to work between the two of you, the bf could be overlooked IF they had broken up already. (I could at least) Tough call.
Svet74 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 does she seem sincere about it? u know her better then all of us so follow your heart
Author FearfulFuture Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 Thanks to everyone for the replies, means a lot. I am really stuck on what to do so all the input will be listened to very carefully. It is official that today she has finished the relationship and is now waiting on what i have to say. I of course am taking my time and not running back (gotta keep my self respect) but only several hours after declaring her love she has followed through on her promise. I agree about not ending the relationship before reaching out but she has ended it now not knowing how i feel or what i will do about the situation so i guess that helps a bit. Yes she did sound very sincere, more than i have ever witnessed in all our years together. So i believe now guys it is definitely a question of do i take her back? And even, how do i over come the thought of her with someone else? I have been waiting a long time for this opportunity but it is never black and white, didn't think i would ever hesitate given a second chance. Thanks to y'all again.
TopCat22 Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Only you can decide on how you feel about her having been with someone else. I'd look at it this way: This will be a new relationship. It will not be the old relationship. I assume before your first RS with her that she had been with other people, as had you. Where you upset then? If you're going to reapproach things with her then that is the mindset you will have to take. If you can't get there then it will probably never work, as you'll always be thinking about her being with this other guy. Good luck!
beyond Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 So my ex broke up with me about 8 months ago and as much as it hurt i have been in no contact for pretty much the entire time (apart from 4 months in when she reached out for a second chance but quickly changed her mind)! Tonight after she had text me out of the blue we met up for drinks. It was both amazing and heart breaking at the same time, She told me she was with someone else but realized after being with him she was in fact still in love me. She said some beautiful things and that she wants us to try again. I truly believe her but how on earth do i get over the fact she has been official with someone else? I should be shouting from the rooftops after hearing some of the words that came from her mouth but instead i am heart broken. I, like most of you have been longing to hear those words but it has all been scarred with the fact i now know she is/has been with somebody else. Im not sure what will happen next, i said i wouldn't comment or act on anything whilst there was someone else in the picture. But even if she honestly meant it and does in fact finish this current relationship. how can it possibly work knowing what i do? Has anyone else been here that has some advice on what to do? I am lost. 4.5years together, me 29, her 23 if that helps. Have the reasons she broke up with you in the first place been resolved - did she even tell you what they were? If not, you will have a great honeymoon phase of getting back together only for the same issues to come up again. It's good she has finished with the other guy, but it almost sounds like you now feel obligated to be with her as she has 'fufilled her promise'....don't! At the very least, she needs time on her own. A long term relationship at a young age and then straight into another relationship only to jump back with you would be a mistake in my opinion. If she were to ask for advice, I would definetely be telling her to have some time on her own. When/if you do get back together, it sounds like there would be insecurities and trust issues. Can I ask you bluntly if it's the fact she has slept with someone else (I assume she has with this guy)that you are finding so hard? Or is it more she left you and you would be afraid of her doing it again?
beyond Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 She was "Officially" with him and now she is "Officially" not with him? Can someone please explain to me how you are "Officially" with someone or not? Do you both sign something, have it witnessed and notarized? What agency of our government is in charge of tracking this sort of thing? Do you have "Official" parties and get presents? Also, for being in something "Official", it did not last very long. Much like the people who think being married will make them happy and ensures their husband / wife loves them and will never leave. Sounds to me like people who care more about LABELS, STATUSES and what other people think than the actual person they are with and the relationship. Anyone notice the girl can't be alone? She hopes to jump from relationship to relationship? Notice she has to have a LABEL, STATUS and somebody else? People like that don't like you for YOU... They like you for THEM. When (notice I said when and not if) someone who comes along and makes THEM "feel" better... I assure you, it will not end well for you. Oh gibson, gibson, gibson *shakes head*. Don't you KNOW? If it says on facebook that you are together, then it is official - in fact it is legally binding and any breaking of the sacred facebook contract is punishable by public flogging by either parties 2000 plus 'real' facebook friends. This information was brought to you courtesy of 'get-a-life.com'. xx
Author FearfulFuture Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 @Beyond you are absolutely correct, by using the term official i do indeed mean facebook and also the fact that it is/was public knowledge, just that extra (huge) step from casually 'seeing' somebody. @gibson i understand that the terminology is very poor and i didn't mean it to sound so stupid, sad i know but for want of a better word, they were officially together and now they officially are not Im pleased you replied as i have read some of your posts and i find you very knowledgeable and insightful, upsetting to hear your advice is that of a warning and it has caused me to take a step back and think even harder about the issue. To answer the previous question it is both the fact she slept with someone else and also the fact that i would be scared she could walk away once again. But if i am being brutally honest, it was more of how to get over the fact she had slept with someone else that was hurting me the most when i first posted. Love is a confusing thing. Again thanks for the feedback.
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