kaylan Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) This thread was inspired by these two posts from a current thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/349542-men-getting-mad-women-not-having-sex-12.html#post4300371 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/349542-men-getting-mad-women-not-having-sex-12.html#post4300540 Basically these posts are asking women to drop the facade of being the only ones hurt in the dating game. I wont say all women are like the ones these guys targeted, however they made great points. In my experience online and with friends in real life, I hear WAY more women complaining amongst a mixed gender group of people about their dating woes and what guys have done to them. Its a lot rarer for me to here women be honest in mixed company about some of the negative things they have done. However, Ive had plenty of women open up to me about things once we are alone. Also, I notice guys will be more honest about some of their wrong doings when in mixed company. But the more "deep" things they save for their closer bros. Though still, at the end of the day, not many men and women will be honest about their thoughts regarding dating and sex unless they are amongst the same gender. My point is just that, of those people who are open and honest in a mixed group regarding their feelings and actions in dating, there seem to be more men than women confessing their wrong doings and not placing all the blame on the other person. And I much rarer that I hear guys complain about their dating life when in mixed company while saying things like "girls are so dumb, difficult and drama". I see women do this much more while saying "Im tired of dating boys, I need a man", which is directed at the guy whos got them blue. Anyways, with all that being said, the point of this thread is to be open and honest about some of the self serving things youve done. And tbh, I gladly admit these things to people, doesnt matter if the group is mostly male, mostly female, or mixed. Heres one: 1. Had a fling with girl A for a small bit of time, then hooked up with her best friend at girl A's housewarming a few months later. I ended up looking like a douche in this situation even though girl A had brought some new guy to her party, and she wasnt talking to me before hand for some reason. Apparently she was still mad that I was crushing on a mutual friend of ours during the time her and I hooked up in the past. And despite the fact that we never dated, of course a decent portion of her friend group saw me as a douche for what I did. I know its never a good idea to hook up with a friend of an ex gf or ex fling, but I didnt really give a crap at the time. I was in a playboy phase. Thats one for now, till someone adds something else. This wasnt super bad or anything, but I could see some women being put off by it. But I dont care...I am who I am. No shame. Edited October 3, 2012 by kaylan
verhrzn Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 The only self-serving thing I can think of was about a year ago, when I gave a guy a false reason for not wanting to date him. I'd gotten a crush on him during a convention, but he hadn't really given me the time of day-he'd flirted with my friend in front of me, forgotten my name, and just generally ignored me. It wasn't until months later that he finally started noticing me, because my friend had told him I was interested. We went on a few dates for about a month. He was a little manipulative; he never directly asked me out, and kept making comments about all the other girls who were chasing him. I'd been seeing another guy, and finally got sick of what I saw as player games. I sat the first guy down and told him I didn't think we should be physical anymore (we'd made out and cuddled up to that point), as I didn't think we had a lot in common and I didn't feel ready enough for a relationship. Those things were mostly true (we really didn't have much in common), but the real reason I didn't want to date him is because my ego was too hurt over him initially ignoring me. It seemed like he was into me ONLY because I was into him first, and I felt very bitter over his attentions to my friend. So I gave him a gentler answer. Not sure if that's the self-serving you meant, but that's the only example I can think of for myself.
SmileFace Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I can't relate. Every time I ask for advice or talk about myself I always mention the f-ed up crap I have done.
ThaWholigan Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Besides outright ignoring the romantic intentions of a couple of girls I have known, I don't really have any questionable things to own up to, fortunately. I've been a good boy . 2
joystickd Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I am currently doing something. I have been having sex with a former coworker for about 10 months now. She is in love with me but I don't want more because she had a boyfriend when she met me and also has a kid. I now am talking to a bisexual women that works with her. She has a girlfriend but is interested in me. Then there is another coworker that is 18 out there I am interested in talking to also. Then last year I did a few pumps then a dump on a married woman a few months back. I know while I was having sex with the married woman I was dating one of her coworkers. Nothing really happened with her coworker but recently I saw her so I messaged her on facebook recently.
SmileFace Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 My last response was cut short, I was driving. Anyway besides sabatogings relationships because I am scared to open up to somebody. I take part in casual sex but that is my choice. I have dated guys casually while being in a fwb several times but this isnt something I lie about. Plus its not that i have sex with other guy and not with the guy I may be dating. It is because most of my dating was from online so this is mostly during first dates and initial meeting stages. 1
iris219 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Guys may be more open about their “wrongdoings” because these “wrongs” are often not even considered all that wrong. You hooked up with that chick AND her friend? Well, there’s lot of guys who will high five you and a lot girls who will think you’re just being a guy and taking advantage of opportunities like any guy would. Women would be judged more harshly for the same sort of dating/relationship wrongdoing.
joystickd Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Guys may be more open about their “wrongdoings” because these “wrongs” are often not even considered all that wrong. You hooked up with that chick AND her friend? Well, there’s lot of guys who will high five you and a lot girls who will think you’re just being a guy and taking advantage of opportunities like any guy would. Women would be judged more harshly for the same sort of dating/relationship wrongdoing. Even though you will be judged one sign of being an adult is being accountable and with women we see women not being accountable for their actions. Even say they are caught cheating on someone they will try to find a way to attempt to rationalize that its not their fault. Women fear being accountable for their actions.
iris219 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Even though you will be judged one sign of being an adult is being accountable and with women we see women not being accountable for their actions. Even say they are caught cheating on someone they will try to find a way to attempt to rationalize that its not their fault. Women fear being accountable for their actions. I think that fear of this judgement actually prevents some women from committing certain dating/relationship crimes.
joystickd Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I think that fear of this judgement actually prevents some women from committing certain dating/relationship crimes. Please! It just makes them want to be more discreet. We all get judged. I probably would get judged harsher for what I do than you ever would.
Woggle Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Both genders tend to get away with things much easier than the other. Men sleep around and people high five them for that but a woman can beat her husband in public and many people men and women will actually laugh at it instead of he being arrested. I do think though that in relationships in many ways it is still seen as women being the victims and men being the victimizers.
iris219 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Please! It just makes them want to be more discreet. We all get judged. I probably would get judged harsher for what I do than you ever would. I think a lot of people, male or female, when caught cheating will try to rationalize it and make excuses in the hope that they don't get dumped. I don't think women are less likely to be accountable for their actions. 1
joystickd Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 I think a lot of people, male or female, when caught cheating will try to rationalize it and make excuses in the hope that they don't get dumped. I don't think women are less likely to be accountable for their actions. If it wasn't so a thread wouldn't be created for it.
TheBigQuestion Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 You know what's quite telling? So far, only one female poster actually answered the thread question/addressed the thread directly.
SmileFace Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 You know what's quite telling? So far, only one female poster actually answered the thread question/addressed the thread directly. Yeah but I get mistaken for a man all the time on this forum when I voice my opinion. 1
verhrzn Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 You know what's quite telling? So far, only one female poster actually answered the thread question/addressed the thread directly. Well, uh, technically only 3 male posters have as well. So, 1/3 of the female posters and 1/2 of the male posters, so the ladies aren't lagging behind that badly.
Anela Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 You know what's quite telling? So far, only one female poster actually answered the thread question/addressed the thread directly. I can't think of anything. Maybe my telling a boy that I hadn't had a crush on him, after he asked me out and made it sound like he was doing me a favour? The crush died when he did that: he couldn't just ask me out, as though he wanted to go out with me. I avoided a guy who was practically stalking me, but that was no secret. I can't think of anything else. I don't intentionally screw with people.
SmileFace Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 You know what's quite telling? So far, only one female poster actually answered the thread question/addressed the thread directly. Wait I don't think I count. ****
Author kaylan Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 Guys may be more open about their “wrongdoings” because these “wrongs” are often not even considered all that wrong. You hooked up with that chick AND her friend? Well, there’s lot of guys who will high five you and a lot girls who will think you’re just being a guy and taking advantage of opportunities like any guy would. Women would be judged more harshly for the same sort of dating/relationship wrongdoing. No one has given me high fives for that, and women really misjudge what they think guys congratulate one another for. I know some guys who wouldnt be fond of my actions, and I actually had a couple of chick friends give me props for doing my own thing. And I was honest with them about my feelings and intentions too. I was horny and in a spiteful mood because of how girl A was blowing me off and ignoring me because of some silliness....especially when her and I never dated.
Author kaylan Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 Both genders tend to get away with things much easier than the other. Men sleep around and people high five them for that but a woman can beat her husband in public and many people men and women will actually laugh at it instead of he being arrested. I do think though that in relationships in many ways it is still seen as women being the victims and men being the victimizers. Sorry but this isnt equal. Cheating isnt the same as abuse. In terms of cheating, both men and women can equally do the same damage. When it comes to abuse, theres a reason people view it differently. Its super rare for a woman to hit a guy in public in a way that he can be caused great harm. Women just arent capable of that biologically due to their size. A guy may get slapped or pushed, but hes far from being beaten.
Author kaylan Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 I think a lot of people, male or female, when caught cheating will try to rationalize it and make excuses in the hope that they don't get dumped. I don't think women are less likely to be accountable for their actions. This is true. Ive heard plenty of men and women say BS crap after they cheat. If anything guys generally seem to feel less sorry about what they did in my experience.
joystickd Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I can't think of anything. Maybe my telling a boy that I hadn't had a crush on him, after he asked me out and made it sound like he was doing me a favour? The crush died when he did that: he couldn't just ask me out, as though he wanted to go out with me. I avoided a guy who was practically stalking me, but that was no secret. I can't think of anything else. I don't intentionally screw with people. Can't or don't want to think of anything
Necris Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I'm glad I'm clean as a whistle:lmao: And its true.
Woggle Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Sorry but this isnt equal. Cheating isnt the same as abuse. In terms of cheating, both men and women can equally do the same damage. When it comes to abuse, theres a reason people view it differently. Its super rare for a woman to hit a guy in public in a way that he can be caused great harm. Women just arent capable of that biologically due to their size. A guy may get slapped or pushed, but hes far from being beaten. Women can do just as much damage especially when weapons are involved. It doesn't take much strength to fire a gun or shoot somebody. Whenever you hear about a woman killing her husband in the news some people just assume he was abusing her. Some people thought my ex had a good reason for trying to shoot me and she got less than a year in prison.
xdahliax Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 I haven't really done anything. The worst I did was ignore a guy's texts repeatedly because he texted me 5 minutes after I gave him my number and 2 more times within the next two hours. I was in class and when I got out I knew he had to be crazy! He texted me now and then for 3 more months and then gave up.
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