LoveHurts88 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Its been 19 days of full NC. Its killing me inside. I am missing her. There hasnt been a day where I havent thought about her. Shes already seeing someone else now and that really hurts me knowing that. I dont really know what Im feeling but its not a good one. I love her. She knows. Im not going to lie i am hoping for her to come back. 1
DavidG Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Your not alone man. Im going through the same thing. NC is so damn hard and mine has a new bf too which is torturous. I have a "rebound" tonight but I feel horrible about it for some reason. Almost like I am cheating. I commend you on reaching 19 days man. I know its been rough and it sucks bad hoping they will come back but we have to move on. If there is even the slightest chance, it will happen only after you have completely moved on and that a huge "if". Im sorry your going through this man but you are not alone.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) LoveHurts88, I'm truly sorry man but love hurts!! I hate to bring my situation into yours, but mine left me and the same day started a profile on a dating site. Not exactly like yours, but my realization that she's with someone else is in the mail, just waiting for delivery. Unfortunately there is not much you can do here, and I think you know that, and that's why you went no contact. You MUST remain no contact at this point, I hate to be harsh but you need to understand that she left you!! At one point she looked at your situation and decided that she could/might do better elsewhere. That may or may not be true, but you can't sway her decision. We are all special including you, don't subject yourself to someone who decided to end it, "Do you really want to be that guy who is clinging to a girl, who in return is “sorta kinda” about you?" -Dan Dennick. I know it's not an easy decision to make, and I know it hurts like he11, but you deserve better!!! Anything you say at this point will be emotionally charged, and whatever emotions you want to convey are not going to mean as much to her as it does you, and it will hurt more when you realize that. She simply has a head start on you in the recovery phase. Her coming back is not your choice right now. I'm a mess right now too, just went shopping and cried in the fitting room and in the car ride to walmart. I don't believe the shi****t I'm saying either because my emotions won't let me, but I just keep telling myself over and over again that "I have no control over what she does or if she comes back, I'm not chasing someone that doesn't want to be with me" and trying to keep as busy as I can. Again I truly feel for you, I'm with you, feeling the same way as you. We only have control over ourselves at this point. I hope that helps a little, but probably not, our minds aren't running the show right now. Edited October 3, 2012 by NavyAirTraffic 1
TopCat22 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Well I broke 26 days of NC last week and got little in the way of a reply. I'm not exactly back to square one, but it wasn't a good experience. You need to let go of that hope. Tell yourself she is never coming back. Until you do that you'll never be able to start moving on. I've finally done it and I do feel better. Not great, but better. Hope is worse than despair, it keeps you hanging on to a fantasy. It's not real. It will hurt, but ACCEPT that she is gone. She is with someone else. She's not coming back. Let the pain out, you will start to feel better. Trust. 2
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Well I broke 26 days of NC last week and got little in the way of a reply. I'm not exactly back to square one, but it wasn't a good experience. You need to let go of that hope. Tell yourself she is never coming back. Until you do that you'll never be able to start moving on. I've finally done it and I do feel better. Not great, but better. Hope is worse than despair, it keeps you hanging on to a fantasy. It's not real. It will hurt, but ACCEPT that she is gone. She is with someone else. She's not coming back. Let the pain out, you will start to feel better. Trust. Excellent advice TopCat!!! Acceptance is crucial in getting the healing process started. I keep trying to convince myself that it's over, my heart won't listen, but I'm trying to hammer it home. Again great advice, I'm glad I checked back in.
TopCat22 Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Head and heart are out of balance. Need to restore that. Head knows that NC and moving on are best, heart doesn't want to listen. Eventually heart gets so hurt it sees the wisdom of head's advice and starts to heal. 2
DavidG Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Head and heart are out of balance. Need to restore that. Head knows that NC and moving on are best, heart doesn't want to listen. Eventually heart gets so hurt it sees the wisdom of head's advice and starts to heal. Well said man, well said.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 3, 2012 Posted October 3, 2012 Yep. Giving up hope is the best way to get freedom. Sounds counter-intuitive, but what isn't when it comes to relationships? Somehow the other person knows to wait until then to reinitiate contact.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 4, 2012 Author Posted October 4, 2012 Thanks guys, its definately hard. I loved this girl to death still do. Shes in another relationship already. I just let it be because well theres nth i can do about it. She fell out of love with me. Sparks gone. Im assuming itll take time for us to gain that spark even if there is a us. It just sucks because she was my everything and i put her ahead of myself
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 4, 2012 Posted October 4, 2012 Thanks guys, its definately hard. I loved this girl to death still do. Shes in another relationship already. I just let it be because well theres nth i can do about it. She fell out of love with me. Sparks gone. Im assuming itll take time for us to gain that spark even if there is a us. It just sucks because she was my everything and i put her ahead of myself I hate to say it but stuff happens, it doesn't work out the way we planned. Have you read part 1 and 2 of http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/341720-realistic-tips-surviving-end-your-relationship? The whole thing is great but the second part is what helped me today. The part where "there is no master plan" "things just don't work out the way we want sometimes" really resonated with me. Having said that nothing will completely take the pain away, TopCat22's "Head and heart are out of balance" post is soooo true. Grieve your loss, yes it is a loss almost like a death of sorts, and try to out think your heart using the resources on this forum. Good luck!
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 5, 2012 Author Posted October 5, 2012 I hate to say it but stuff happens, it doesn't work out the way we planned. Have you read part 1 and 2 of http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/341720-realistic-tips-surviving-end-your-relationship? The whole thing is great but the second part is what helped me today. The part where "there is no master plan" "things just don't work out the way we want sometimes" really resonated with me. Having said that nothing will completely take the pain away, TopCat22's "Head and heart are out of balance" post is soooo true. Grieve your loss, yes it is a loss almost like a death of sorts, and try to out think your heart using the resources on this forum. Good luck! Yeah ive read that thanks man. Honestly if we were meant to be then eventually we will b back together, especially if she still has feelings.. However she said she didnt but i think its a lie because she wants me to move on... She even told me when her and her friends talk about it she cries... Sucks. Loved her but eh i guess ****t happens for a reason because everything happens for a reason
Recommended Posts